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If they Fucking Bomb Search Me One More Time…

November 8th, 2011 10:15am Leave a comment

Do I look like a God Damn terrorist? No, there are no bombs in my bag and I have no plan on terrorizing shit. The absolute last thing I want to do is blow up the Grand Central subway station because then how the hell would I get to work? The trains break down enough already, so I don’t need to blow shit up to disrupt them further. DERP.

Every single time I walk into Grand Central with sunglasses and the fucking TSA jackasses are there searching people’s bags for bombs, I get stopped. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. This is like the 8th time I got stopped. Seriously, if I wear sunglasses, I get stopped. If I don’t have them on, I don’t get stopped.

They take this little cloth wipe and wipe your bag with it, then put it through a particle analyzer. What particles are you searching for bros? I bet it’s a complete decoy and doesn’t do anything.  While they’re over there searching my bag, they completely missed the c4 I have strapped around my belt…

The TSA is a waste of fucking money. These random searches won’t find shit. Guaranteed. It’s a big joke. Really… You think these terrorists don’t send someone to spot check the area and be like “hey bro with the bomb upstairs. Lets try this another time because they’re checking today” Holy shit…

So in this blog post, I will give advice to all you terrorists out there: leave those sunglasses at home, make sure you shave, and throw on a shirt and tie. No one will ever stop you. Guaranteed. Just walk onto those subways with dirty nukes, C4, nerve gas,  MAC-10s, whatever you want. Because no one will search you. But God forbid you wear sunglasses. You’re fucked.

PS – let’s see how quickly the FBI breaks down my door because of this post. If they do, I’m out this bitch. I’ll find a freer country to live in.

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