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Archive for July, 2012

Consuela

July 23rd, 2012 2:04am No comments

Consuela/kohn-SWAY-luh/

verb.  (1) To clean; make free from dirt, grime or mess

noun. (2) A maid or housekeeper

Usage:

  • I consuela’d your cup because it was getting crusty
  • You need to consuela your room, I can’t see the floor
  • I need a Consuela to get this shit out of my carpet

Categories: Useless Update Tags:

Eddie Vedder, Sing Me to Sleep

July 11th, 2012 1:45am No comments

All homo

The fact that it’s this late and I’m answeing Kristin’s fucking work emails and not pounding beers and singing Betterman at the top of my lungs with Mikey and Mals while playing up and down the river is some fucking bullshit right now

Categories: Music, Useless Update Tags:

I have No Mercy For People Who Kill Themselves on Train Tracks and Delay My Commute

July 10th, 2012 11:57pm No comments

CT Post –  The man struck and killed Saturday by a Metro-North train behind the Kings Highway Stop & Shop supermarket had been lying on the tracks, officials said Sunday. Michael Leary, 51, of New Milford, was killed instantly when an eastbound train struck him at 6:26 p.m., Metropolitan Transportation Authority spokesman Salvatore Arena said. Leary was pronounced dead at the scene by the state medical examiner. He was identified by personal documents found on his body. On June 6, Leary had been issued a summons by MTA Police for trespassing on the Metro-North tracks at the same spot where he was killed Saturday, Arena said. Saturday’s train was packed with about 350 passengers who were delayed for 90 minutes while authorities investigated at the scene of the fatality.

 

This never happened to me, but God fobid it ever does because I’d lose it. Fuck you Michael Leary. These motherfuckers get off too easily. Fucking… If you want to kill yourself, suffocate yourself with a plastic bag, slit your jugular or wrists, drown yourself (but not off a bridge to stop traffic), lock yourself in a garage and start your car and die of CO positioning… Whatever. But don’t you fucking dare inconvenience other people you selfish mother fucker. I’m sorry. If some fuckface kills himself and I have to get delayed 90 minutes on a train, that’s some bullshit.

Instead of dying, you should be paralyzed for life so you can think about how miserable you are and how you inconvenienced 350 people for 90 minutes. That’s 31,500  minutes (21.5 days) of people’s time you wasted. You know what the MTA should do? Drive over the asshole and clean up their tracks overnight when there are no trains and fuck it. Just dump the body in a river mafioso style and go on their merry way. Dying instantly is too easy of a punishment for this asshole. Because I have no mercy for people who waste my time.

#ihavefuckingangerissuesrightnowsogofuckyourself

Categories: Rants Tags: