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A-Rod, Hit The Fucking Home Run Already

July 28th, 2010 12:57am Portfolioso No comments

Never fails. Every single time. Whenever A-Rod nears some historical milestone, he tries too hard and the pressure gets to his head. The man is useless right now and is an automatic out. The same exact thing happened for his 500th home run a few years ago, which caused A-Rod to go into an “0 for some high number slump.”  Those special baseballs they are giving him are absolutely jinxed. Some voodoo shit on them or something, because the guy is 0-7 and swinging at pitches that are rolled to him like a bowling ball.

PS – what the fuck was that about, the Yankees getting 3 hit off of some no name 25 year old fresh out of AAA? Pathetic.

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This is Why Kids are Stupid These Days

July 26th, 2010 5:59pm Portfolioso No comments

See this is why kids these days are so fucking stupid: they aren’t even learning the alphabet right thanks to these assinine signs. Remember those signs that were taped up around the classroom with the letters and a picture? A is for apple. B is for bee. C is for cat…. Yeah. Well, every time I see this shit in a classroom where I work, I rage:

D is for dog. Okay, that’s fine.

E is for… Ed? What the fuck is that? Why isn’t E for elephant or something simple? Why the fuck is it for Ed? Who says that dude is an Ed? Maybe he’s a Bob.

F is for… Two children playing, a ball and the sun

H is for hat

I is for Monkey. It took me a few seconds to realize that the monkey was scratching his balls and that I was for itch. Really? How do you draw an itch? ICE CREAM, you shitpiles!

J is for jug

U is for arrow (yes, I know it should be up, but be easier. What ever happened to umbrella?)

V is for car (van? really?)

W is for a cloud blowing shit. How about Watermelon?

X is for Fox? I don’t know about your language, but in English, fox doesn’t start with the letter X, asshole.

Y is for crayon. What about yarn?

Z is for zebra.

And my favorite? K is for Kodak with a picture of a camera (I don’t have the image). I don’t know about you, but I don’t call my camera a Kodak. Therefore, K is not for Kodak you shitfreak! Since when do we start using company names to teach kids the alphabet? K is for fuckin kangaroo or something like that.

For fucks sake, if I were the teacher, I wouldn’t hang this shit on my classroom walls? It’s straight up ignorant.

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Looks Like I Picked the Wrong…

July 25th, 2010 2:26am Portfolioso 3 comments

..industry to work in. Not that I have a real job yet, but when I do, I will be spending my entire day with fat middle aged/ old men, people from India, various other Asians and rack mount servers. Really nice scenario for me for the rest of my life. I need to figure something out to solve this, because that’s not going to roll.

(This is what I do at 2:18 AM post college. I sit at home and think about how my life sucks. If this were April I would be doing all kinds of fun assed shit. Sigh.)

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