See this is why cats suck. Here you have a dog just sitting there chilling, being a dog, doing dog stuff and this idiotic cat just comes along, pretends to be friendly and playful then out of nowhere  slaps it in the face. Fucking sneaky cat. I hate cats.

Guess what? People are fucking morons and don’t understand the internet. Switching to private browsing won’t protect you from shit at work. It protects the local history on your computer. Last I checked, you shouldn’t be letting anyone on your account anyway, so it doesn’t matter what history is there. Don’t you all know that WebSense/8e3 or whatever other blocking/monitoring software your employer has will see what pages you visit anyway*? No? Then you’re a dumb shit.

Read, Shitheads. It warns you every time

*Unless you use a tunnel, but you’re too stupid to do that. See, I can get around that shit with no problem, guaranteed.

• You get AJ Asshole yesterday who usually sucks, pitch a 1 run gem and lose 1-0 because no one can hit their way out of a paper bag
• Yankees lose with an idiot closer on the verge of blowing the save who can’t throw a ball anywhere in the ballpark, let alone around the plate. Seriously, that was the worst pitching I’ve seen in 3 years. The fact that he got out of the inning is a once in a lifetime miracle.
• I look like a speckled freak because I’m half burned, half bleeding,  half blistered and all that crap. The sun sucks.
• I need to go to work tomorrow and figure out why the entire fucking library’s internet is out. I don’t have time to go troubleshooting internet connectivity when I need to have been pushing an image to 20 computers yesterday. Besides this, all the fucking network technicians are out this week. I know why it doesn’t work.  It doesn’t help that the fucking switches are 10MBPS, 12 years old and configured wrong due to the fact that no one knows how to configure a fucking switch properly. Also, it doesn’t help that they’re all daisy chained with cat 5 among 20 computers. Christ.
• 6-9 record in August. Pathetic. Losing series, splitting series. Want to win a series sometimes? And you’re playing complete shit teams. Wait until you play good teams.
• Where is my Froyo? Why am I the last person left with a Droid to get this update? Speaking of Froyo, they fucked up the silent/vibrate settings. Apparently, you can only put it on vibrate and can’t make it totaly silent from the lock screen or from the volume down button. Seriously?
• Swisher, Berkman and A-Rod are all hurt tonight?, Pettite, along with designated DL Nick Johnson. What fucking idiot decided to get Nick Johnson? Absolutely pathetic. You used to call Carl Pavano the American Idle? Nick Johnson breaks down more than a 1987 Ford.
• I’m 0-3 at pong in Old Lyme. Thanks Christopher. AND to make matters worse, I was always the last hope and couldn’t come through in the clutch. Almost as good as the Yankees these days.
• You know what Derek Jeter’s problem is? He doesn’t throw the fucking water cooler like Paul O’Neill. Show those morons you’re pissed you grounded into a double play against a guy who can’t hit an elephant strike zone. I could have fucking walked against Valverde.
• If I see one more hot slut’s Facebook status say “omg 2 more weeks” (aka going back to college), I’m going to scream.

Mashable – On Saturday, Justin Bieber broke a sacred rule: He tweeted “everyone call me [number] or text” to his 4.5 million followers. The number wasn’t his, though, and the boy it did belong to was inundated with thousands of calls from Bieber’s fans.

Gawker reports that the victim was Detroit teen Kevin Kristopik, who deleted his Twitter account shortly after tweeting, “Thanks for giving out my # @justinbieber.” Apparently Kristopik hacked Bieber’s friend Ryan Butler to uncover Bieber’s phone number, then did the crazed fan thing and texted him.

What a fucking little shit. Imagine this little pipsqueak tweeting your phone number and then you get 26,000 calls and texts as a result? I’d murder him! Kid’s phone is ruined now.

This was some kind of sick revenge? “You found out my phone number and now I am going to abuse my popularity to get millions of people 12 year old girls to spam the shit out of your phone?” No one deserves that shit, it’s plain rotten. Real men would just register the phone number for prank calls and shit, you know, minor stuff just to piss the person off. But you need to be a major league, full of yourself asshole to do this.

At the same time this Kristopik is a moron. You text Bieber? Really? What the hell do you want him in the a? Maybe this bro deserves humiliation. I can understand hacking a friend’s account, getting Bieber’s number and then using it to piss him off. But texting him? Find a woman bro.

What the fuck is the point of this stupid piece of shit?

You know what’s a pain in the ass about laptops? Fucking touchpads.  You need to get used to them because each one is different and they generally suck. They’re only there for convenience and they’re better than that stupid nipple trackpoint mouse (SFW) that IBM used to use back in the day. In four years, trackpads fucking wear out.

Then you get Apple which releases this “stylish” stupid piece of shit. Please explain to me why anyone with a desktop would want to put a freakin touchpad on it? And wireless to eat through expensive batteries? Who would also waste $69 on something so useless? You’ll get carpal tunnel using that pitched piece of crap.

On Thursday, my news feeds from the tech sites I read daily all blew up with the announcement of this fucking contraption. Of the 4 tech blogs I subscribe to on my RSS there had to be at least 12 bloggers write 20 posts about it. It almost made me rage. I was trying to read Barstool’s guess that ass, check out the smokeshow of the day and smut news in general but all I saw was this stupid thing.

This touchpad isn’t even revolutionary since it’s been done before. Apple just took the concept and put multitouch and bluetooth in it and released it knowing stupid brainwashed morons will buy it.

Then you get this jerkoff Apple fanboy MG Siegler over at TechCrunch who writes an article that the mouse is dead because of this revolutionary new product, and how kids growing up only use trackpads so the mouse will die. Next, people call him an asshole and Mr. Flip Flop took it all back was like “Yeah, it’s going to be a slow process, but the mouse will still die. It’s just a mouse – stop complaining. Oh, and it’s still amazing.” What an asshole.

NEWS FLASH MG Shithead: How do you play games on a touchpad? How do you edit audio with precision? Video? You can’t.  The mouse is far from dead. You have these $80 laser precision 6000DPI mice that are way beyond my need or comprehension and you want everyone to switch to a half assed touchpad? What are we going backwards? Touchpads are good for laptops and touchscreens are the future for mobile platforms. But not desktops. Period.

Apple never fails to make me rage.

SF Gate – Tara Fitzgerald of Sacramento needed help. The nude photos she had taken for her boyfriend were nowhere to be found on her computer, so she called Dell in December 2008. She was patched through to support tech Riyaz Shaikh, an employee of call service center in India, and gave him permission to search her PC remotely.

“I watched him take the pictures out of my e-mail. I watched him.”

More than a dozen of those pictures ended up on a site called “bitchtara.” Shaikh offered his “help” again, allegedly telling Fitzgerald he could work on taking down the site if she sent him a brand new Dell laptop. Fitzgerald agreed.

Wah wah wahaa! Stop complaining idiot girl. People like this deserve whatever bad happens to them as a result of their blatant stupidity. Let me get this straight… This ignorant bitch can’t find her nude photos, so she calls Dell? Does that make any sense? Let’s have random strangers looking for sensitive files. There’s a file search function in Windows you idiot. Use it.

Then she gets connected to this dude Riyaz who goes through her email and finds the pictures, then downloads them while she’s watching. Is that even allowed? Tech support shouldn’t be in your email, but if you’re too stupid to allow them to, it’s your fault.

If a guy in India can remotely find your files and you can’t, you’re a fucking idiot and should be banned from computers. Of course they’re going to end up on all of these shady websites.

So then you call the dude back and he says he’ll take them down if you send him a brand new laptop? And you actually send it?!?!? Are you serious?!?! You just gave this dude a new laptop and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give two shits about taking down your photos. Do you not know anything about scams?

Step 1: Don’t allow random Indians to access your computer. Step 2: don’t have nude photos of yourself on there in the first place because you’re ugly and old as fuck.

So I have a very simple solution for you, Tara Fitzgerald. You live in San Francisco, right? The Golden Gate Bridge: jump off of it. Social darwinism: ignoramuses like yourself need to be killed off.

Translation: if you’re not a woman or minority, you need not apply. You all know this is a huge line of bullshit and they’re just saying they’re an equal opportunity employer because they have to be by law.

It’s probably a dude like me recruiting for this position. When I was working over at the paper last year, of course I didn’t want to hire a dude to replace me, so I hired the most qualified hot girl. This is probably why I am unemployed. Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?

If you’re really an equal opportunity employer, how about not suggesting who should apply? Precisely.

PS – what the fuck was that about, the Yankees getting 3 hit off of some no name 25 year old fresh out of AAA? Pathetic.

D is for dog. Okay, that’s fine.

E is for… Ed? What the fuck is that? Why isn’t E for elephant or something simple? Why the fuck is it for Ed? Who says that dude is an Ed? Maybe he’s a Bob.

F is for… Two children playing, a ball and the sun

H is for hat

I is for Monkey. It took me a few seconds to realize that the monkey was scratching his balls and that I was for itch. Really? How do you draw an itch? ICE CREAM, you shitpiles!

J is for jug

U is for arrow (yes, I know it should be up, but be easier. What ever happened to umbrella?)

V is for car (van? really?)

W is for a cloud blowing shit. How about Watermelon?

X is for Fox? I don’t know about your language, but in English, fox doesn’t start with the letter X, asshole.

Y is for crayon. What about yarn?

Z is for zebra.

And my favorite? K is for Kodak with a picture of a camera (I don’t have the image). I don’t know about you, but I don’t call my camera a Kodak. Therefore, K is not for Kodak you shitfreak! Since when do we start using company names to teach kids the alphabet? K is for fuckin kangaroo or something like that.

For fucks sake, if I were the teacher, I wouldn’t hang this shit on my classroom walls? It’s straight up ignorant.

(This is what I do at 2:18 AM post college. I sit at home and think about how my life sucks. If this were April I would be doing all kinds of fun assed shit. Sigh.)