Portfolioso.com Blog

How fucking old, blind and stupid do you have to be to put super glue in your eyes instead of eye drops. How is that even possible? Don’t you store them in different locations? Like don’t the eyedrops go in the medicine cabinet or with all of the medical things? Or, why put superglue with your medical stuff, that should go in your hardware drawer. Organization you old crone. I can be fucking blind and I can tell you the difference between superglue and eye drops.  Now the FDA is looking into the situation and will probably force these glue makers to get crazy new packaging, all because some old bitch glued her eyeballs shut like an asshole.

My favorite part of the whole article: “I’m not young anymore, but I’m not senile.” Listen you old bat, anyone who fucking confuses a bottle of superglue with eyedrops is not mentally all there. Period

Gizmodo - According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a 37-yo Senegalese man died when his car fell into a lake near the town of Capilla, Badajoz. According to his companion—who survived the accident—the driver was following the GPS directions when the car fell into the water, sinking in just a few minutes.

According to amateur blog portfolioso.com, a 37-yo Sengalese man is a fucking idiot. If you are stupid enough to follow your GPS into a lake, you’re a damn moron and you need to be eliminated to improve the intelligence of the gene pool here on earth. It’s social Darwinism at it’s finest.

Pay the fuck attention you stupid idiot. You’re driving on a windy, dangerous, unfamiliar road – go slower. Last I checked, your GPS doesn’t drive your car for you. If you drove it off a road, you’re the one with the wheel and pedal asshole. So don’t give me any of this “oh it’s dark, it’s windy” bull, it’s 100% his fault. Could the GPS have been wrong? Yes, but it’s a machine – you use it to help you, not control you. Sorry but it’s called situational awareness. Very important.

So tell me who this schmuck fuckface companion is who survived? Another fucking idiot. What the hell was he doing when his friend was busy driving off a cliff – lounging? If they were in an unknown dark area, you think he’d be an extra set of eyes? You think he be screaming at his friend to stop driving like a maniac on some windy road with no divider and a huge drop into a lake.. Shame that guy walked away. Another moron who needs his genes of this planet.

I love reading these stories on the internet because it’s great ripping on these people. Obviously I’m 100% right. It’s like that fucking idiot who got run over following Google’s walking directions. Probably sued Google for like $300 million too.

PS – If you saw this post like 6 times on your news reader, I messed up. API tests/ reposting/ Twitter problems. Sorry

I just want to say that tonight’s loss is 100% Derek Jeter’s fault. I’d bet everything I own that if he didn’t pull this acting scam, the Yankees win the game. Guaranteed.

If you don’t know what happened, the ball hit the bat and Jeter fake pretended to get hit, grimaced in pain and then Granderson hit a 2 run home run right after that. It’s like an unearned RBI.

Let this be a lesson. Karma always bites you in the ass. This is straight out the Portfolioso School of Sports Analysis. KARMA. It’s a game changer. I don’t blame Hughes for giving up the home run. Hughes only gave up the home run because of Jeter. I don’t blame ARod and Tex for striking out in the 9th. Nope. This loss is all on Jeets. You fake one run in? You lose the game by one run.

I mean this was unheard of. Derek Jeter is one of the classiest men in sports. At first I thought this move was hysterical, but then I was like wait. I never expected Jeter to pull this phony acting scam. Sheffield maybe. Anyone on the Mets? Absolutely. It’s such a New York Mets thing to do, and that’s why we lost. The Derek Jeter of old would not have done this. But when you’re 53 years old, balding, getting married and hitting .260, I kind of see the desperation.

And then we wonder why Rays/Sox/Mets/Phillies fans hate us.