Portfolioso.com Blog

This will be very vague, because I need to protect identities since it’s work related. We have this IT consultant for a certain project (thankfully he’s not our full IT solution) who seemed to be okay. Then I get an email from him:

Is this gentleman fucking serious? DUDE. You’re a fucking IT guy. You should know about security. Keeping computers free of viruses is amateur hour. It’s like the first thing you learn when you’re 13 years old. I’ve been cleaning viruses off my family members’ computers since like 6th grade. You have to be a fucking idiot to get a virus, and you have to be a double fucking idiot to be an IT guy and get a virus – especially viruses that spam out to your client list.

But being a nice guy, rather than tearing this guy apart, I played devil’s advocate and tried to defend him for a bit. My conclusion? There is absolutely no possible defense. He’s 100% negligent on the grounds that he should know better and is a fake IT guy who doesn’t even know the difference between a CPU and computer.

Possibility 1: Maybe his teenage son or someone went to a bunch of porn sites and downloaded some crap.
Answer 1:  Nope. Don’t share a computer with anyone, imbecile. My computer is for ME. No one else. Separate the accounts, or better yet, get separate computers. Get a password. Keep people the fuck out.

Possibility 2: Maybe he downloaded cracked software, and the crack was infected.
Answer 2:  Use a sandbox, buffoon. Or test it on some other machine where your work email is not accessible, check for viruses and if it’s any good, then. No excuses.

Possibility 3: Maybe he typed a website wrong and it installed because of a buffer overflow exploit
Answer 3: This actually happened to me because Firefox and Win XP are shitty. 1) Get windows 7 and it won’t happen. 2) Use Google Chrome, because it’s sandboxed and even if something does exploit it, it cannot access the system. 3) if those two fail and it happened anyway, reformat immediately and change your passwords. I did and you didn’t see me get hacked.

Conclusion: He’s a clueless moron who is a sorry excuse for an IT guy, because any normal IT guy knows basic security. I’m not even talking about like assed linux security permissions, intrusion detection, cryptology and shit they use on banking websites. Just the basics. Like how to not run ActiveX controls in IE6. Shit like that. Like keeping your shit patched and updated. Things any 16 year old IT guy would know in his sleep.

So will this ever happen to me? Not a chance. There’s a better chance that Alex Morgan will show up at my doorstep ready to bang my dick off, than me getting a computer virus that compromises my account.  Not only do I not get viruses, my Google Account has 2-step authentication. I will get a text message any time someone attempts to try to log into my account. I also need to generate one time use passwords for any OAuth connections. There is no fucking way this account can get compromised.

You’re fired, bro.

Those assholes. How dare they build a bomb proof shelter. Here I am playing Seasons, chugging along getting 3 stars a day (some are challenging, which I enjoy) and bam. They give you this fortified ass house and the shittiest ass birds possible. F this noise.



Edit: Never mind. Beat it

Latest rumors on the internets say this phone is going to be released on the 15h. I PROMISE you that won’t happen. It won’t even be out in 2011. Mark my words.

Congratulations, Verizon Wireless dickheads! I hope you enjoyed the most botched phone release in the history of mankind. This is taken straight from the page of how to NOT release a smartphone.

This fucking thing was supposed to be out before Black Friday. Then there were about 80 different rumors about other release dates, all of which have come and gone. PR stayed silent and rumors were going crazy. Then the phone gets shipped out to the Samsung Experience in NYC, and was forced to be removed. After that, it’s shipped to Best Buy and Radio Shack, but it’s ordered to be locked up.

Here’s an idea. Release a phone before Black Friday and push it throughout the holidays. Sales on this thing are going to SUCK because you don’t release something 10 days before Christmas.

So what’s the holdup? They were probably holding this phone back due to the following

• Promoting shittier phones instead (Droid Razr). Why? It’s Droid branded and that’s Verizon’s baby. They put all their shitware on it.
• LTE outage - 4G was out for a bit
• Fighting with Google over Google Wallet – Verizon is like fuck off and we don’t want this shit on here because we want to develop our own inferior version of it. I respect Google for being more like Apple and being like “no bitches, this is a Google phone, stop fucking with it.”
• I guarantee you Verizon will never EVER release another pure Google phone again.  Too much hassle. Why do that when they can just roll out inferior Droid branded Motorolas. They want the utmost control over everything. Only Apple can tell Big Red what to do. Everyone else – they don’t care about.

Overall, it only hurts consumers. So fuck all these big businesses.