Portfolioso.com Blog

Features include: a 1998 styled webpage, boring text links and a joke Asian guy in a wifebeater.

As usual, when my school attempts to do anything regarding technology, they get it completely wrong. Rather than wasting precious resources developing this rubbish, they should spend some time fixing the completely flawed school website, that was just recently redesigned into a broken linked, visually horrifying disasterpiece. They should be fixing our failure Luminis portal, which  was down all “weekend” (meaning it was down from Friday to Tuesday) for an upgrade. But forget about that, we need to focus on a social networking site for students and staff, because that’s of utmost importance.

“The success of Facebook and MySpace show that users want a forum to socialize,
engage, and learn – their way,” says Scott Barnett, director of Web Communications at Fairfield. “Fairfield LIVE was built on a robust platform and channels the best of the social media experience into one space – with the privacy and toolset needed on the backend that does this very wisely.”

Let me tell you something, Mr. Barnett: You are a moron. The success of Facebook and MySpace show that users want to use Facebook and MySpace – not garbage being developed by KickApps (anyone ever hear of KickApps?) My ass looks better than the school website, and you’re partnering with some crappy, fly by night social media company that pretty much sold you a version of MySpace. What are you guys blind? Can’t you see that it looks absolutely awful in comparison to Facebook and other modern web 2.o social media sites? Who is on the committee that worked on it and approved it. Apparently, it’s probably a bunch of freshmen that were brainwashed by the administration and think IE 5.5 is blazing technology! Apparently, if you are employed at this school and are involved with anything web related, the requirements include: complete blindness to modern web styles and design, a keen eye for 1998 text based websites, the ability to create text links and the ability to paste corny JavaScript effects into the HTML code of a page.

God knows how much this cost. The school is cutting staff, firing professors and doing everything possible to save a buck in this recession, but we’re rolling out garbage sites that no one will use. Get over yourselves. Save money and the embarrassment of releasing a site that might have been cool in 1998 on my 33.6k dial-up modem. Idiots.

Mirrors embarrassed by Townhouse Thirteen; Cleary appalled with the effort
By: Keith Connors

FAIRFIELD, Conn. — The ball trickled slowly, creeping inch by inch beyond home plate. The catcher picked up the ball and fired it to first for the out.

In retrospect, centerfielder Keith Connors feeble attempt at a base hit on the first at-bat of the season was a micro chasm for the Fairfield Mirrors disastrous, mercy-rule 11-1 loss to Townhouse 13: they just weren’t that good.

“It’s an absolute disgrace,” manager Tom Cleary yelled at reporters following the game. “We work our butts off all off-season and then have this happen. I’m at a loss of words, to be honest. I’m doing the best I can with what I’m given.”

“Today it was boys versus men out there,” he added.

Despite the lopsided result, the first inning was competitive. Starting pitcher Anthony Nardo worked into and out of a bases loaded jam that ended with two consecutive fly outs – a pop out to catcher Jacqueline Stanley and a can of corn to centerfield.

The scoreless first inning, however, was as close as the Mirrors would come. TH13 opened the second inning with consecutive hits to the outfield, capped by a line drive passed shortstop Chris Simmons that inexplicably found the hole in leftfielder Joe’s mitt and rolled all the way to the wall.

“I’m not sure what was going on,” Joe said. “I guess it comes from too many years watching Hideki Matsui. I knew I should’ve had a catch before this game.”

Simmons left the clubhouse without speaking to reporters after the game.

That miscue was only a sign of things to come. The Mirrors misplayed several balls in play to lead to unearned runs. Most notably, Connors and second baseman Tom Cleary both lost fly balls in the sun that ultimately resulted in big innings. Connors had further troubles on mid-height line drives that showed both teams his abject fear of diving headfirst.

“Those were hard plays, give me a break,” Connors said. “I’m out here hustling my (expletive) off every play while (right fielder Chris) Haliskoe is over in right telling me that my girlfriend has better hands. It’s absurd. That is not in our business plan – I can tell you that much.”

Offensively, the Mirrors were lead by third baseman Mikaela Tierney, who reached base in all three plate appearances. However, the ‘Boys of Spring’ left the bases loaded thrice – first, on a pop fly to the pitcher off the bat of Haliskoe; again on a base running mistake by Simmons caused by third base coach Keith Connors; and a third time when Tom Cleary refused to test Rory Bernier’s arm and did not tag up for the mercy-breaking run.

“Tom’s typically the first to go in that situation,” Cleary said. “You know Tom. Tom looks at himself as a hybrid between Rickey (Henderson) and Pedro Cerrano. But it’d be naive of Tom to test someone’s arm with the game on the line. You can’t take the bat out of (Michelle) Morrison’s hands.”

The Mirrors, which likely face potential postseason elimination next weekend, return to the field next Saturday at Barlow Field. Check local listings for time and channel.

I have had it with ignorant professors. It really pisses me off that a highly qualified, extremely expensive institute of higher learning employs professors who either can’t write or speak English or don’t know basic history.

Professor 1 teaches an international human resource management course. She has no clue about history. On two occasions, this woman stated that three atomic bombs were dropped in Japan to end WWII. Please refresh my memory as to what the third one was, I’d like to know. Second, we were talking about imperialism and she asked us which areas in the present day US were territories of Spain. A student replied with Florida and she immediately dismissed that fact and called on someone else, who said Texas. Um, moron – they’re both correct – don’t say that a student (she was pretty hot actually, I’m surprised she was smart) is wrong when he/she is not. This fool gave us nine assignments and graded one of them. How are we supposed to know how we’re doing?

Professor 2 teaches history. She never uses a subject when she sends email. Use a subject – that’s what it’s for. I am OCD with sorting things and don’t want to guess what each of your poorly written messages are about. Second, when you write an email the following bullets demonstrate improper grammar and are unacceptable:

• To prepare your middle-term exam, you need to familiar yourself with [...]“
• “Why did the Jesuits to to Asia to covert people into Christianity?”
• “We studies global interactions during the 16th and 17th centuries.”

These people have PhDs dammit. They’re supposedly brilliant. Proofread your shit and check your facts before you make yourself sound like dumb. I wouldn’t hand in a paper like that. Don’t get me wrong, these are lovely, wonderful people and are really nice. But I have no patience for stupidity.