Little bit unclear above. So you try to hook up with girl 1. Girl 2 pulls us apart. Try to hook up with girl 2. Shes like. Ew go away. This is bullshit.  She clearly wants it right?

The answer to this is to bang them both, preferably a threesome. But that may or may not be practical… So…  The girl who pulled this stunt on me is clearly delusional. Seriously… Unless you’re trying to get me all for yourself, why would you bother ripping me off someone else. Mind your mother fuckin business, cockblock. She’s clearly delusional and needs a dose of portfolioso D to straighten her out.

So gay for Dave Grohl.

Gizmodo - British Telecom is putting [Siri] through a kind of biomedical training. Last month, at a conference in Boston, BT’s Bas Burger used Siri to launch a mock experiment that analyzed data on the new cloud service the company build specifically for life sciences R&D. Talking into his iPhone, Burger asked Siri to crunch some numbers on BT’s cloud using a common research tool called Pipeline Pilot, and after authenticating Burger, Siri complied. Moments later, Burger asked her for a status update, and she told him the experiment was complete, offering the results on his phone

I’m about to stop following Gizmodo on my news reader on the grounds that they keep blogging about stupid bullshit, like why you shouldn’t put water in your cereal. But at the same time, it allows for some real talk discussion on how my opinions are always correct, my logic is flawless, and most people are fucking morons.

I skimmed this article. It’s too long and full of shit for me to thoroughly give a fuck about it. Hey Bas Burger. Instead of wasting time time making an interface for Siri to do your cloud calculations, why don’t you just do your cloud calculations without Siri. It’s less effort.

Fucking hipsters.

Gizmodo – Researchers from Pontificia University Católica in Santiago, Chile, have determined with cold hard science that milk is definitively superior to water, as far as cereal liquids go.

The argument against water: “The plasticizing effect of water … softened the carbohydrate/protein matrix, inducing partial collapse of the porous structure and eventually disintegration of the whole piece through deep cracks.”  Or, more simply, it will turn your Corn Flakes to mush, fast. Better to stick with milk, the fat and other solids in which ”become deposited on the flakes’ surface hindering liquid infiltration.” Well, at least it’s nice to know there’s a reason for us to be doing what most of us are already doing.

Jesus Christ, Chile… Don’t you have anything better to do than to waste money studying why you shouldn’t put water in cereal? You fucking idiots.

Who in their right mind puts water in cereal? You have to be some kind of moron. It’s common sense. You either eat it dry or put milk in it. No shit water makes cereal soggy and gross – it’s the universal solvent.

I don’t need any study about plasticizing effects of water and protein/carb matrices and how the structures collapse and all that scientific bullshit. How much did this cost?

How about this. Instead of wasting thousands of dollars on scientists’ salaries, lab equipment and supplies, go cure diabetes or some shit. Or better yet, throw rager with hundreds of drunk Chilean sluts and invite me as VIP.

This makes me cringe to no end. This is absolutely insane. Pick one or the other. If you use most, we already know that it’s the utmost, extreme state and cannot be anymore. If you use a word suffixed with -est, it means the same thing.  If you combine them both, it’s idiotic.  It’s the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard.

If you speak like this and you are over 7 years old, you’re a moron and “don’t speak no English good.”

Gizmodo - A lightning struck a 53-year-old man’s scrotum and then exited his body through one of his feet in Madrid, Spain. The good news: he survived. The bad news: his testicles were burned. A lucky man. Or maybe not.

Can you please explain to me how the hell you go about getting your sac struck by lightning? Does this dude have a huge, metallic dick? This has to be one of the shittiest things to ever happen to a dude.

I mean… Is the guy ruined for life? Can he have kids anymore?  As shitty as this sounds, it’s pretty sweet. You know how many mad honeys this bro can score by telling this story? Limitless. And if your balls don’t work right anymore, you don’t even have to worry about knocking anyone up.

Slut’s probably done nastier shit with those hands than to worried about a little dog saliva.

Giz- Most inflatable water toys are about as stable as a prolonged game of Jenga. But thanks to witchcraft, voodoo, or possibly even science and intelligent engineering, this inflatable mat can support up to six people without sinking or flipping.  In fact, with 90 square feet of surface area it can support up to 1,000 pounds, so it’s strong enough to let you run, jump, and even do cartwheels on it. Everything you’ve always been encouraged to do when near the water. Inside, the two-inch thick mat is supported by thin PVC piping and an air bladder that can be inflated in about five minutes. It can also be easily collapsed and carried in a shoulder bag, because at $1,000 you’re not going to want to leave this inflatable toy just lying around.

I am amused by this thing. Not sure why. I mean, I’d love to just get a bunch of chicks like the ones in the pic and do absolutely ridiculous things with them on this thing.

Remove all those dudes and find me those smokes!

Between the ass-to-dick cramming, the homeless, the performing bums, etc…  So I’m standing by the door, train’s going 2 miles per hour like an asshole and I start getting tired, because we all know I never sleep. Next thing I know, I’m starting to collapse. So I realize this and jerk myself awake to prevent myself from falling to the ground. I got all kinds of funny looks from people. It was legit. Wish it was April 1st – I would’ve been like April Fools! If I saw someone do that, I’d be pissed off. I’d be like “ah shit, don’t drop dead on me asshole. It’ll delay my train.”

Seriously. Who the hell falls asleep standing up? Freakin spazz..