Tag: Android


Stop Bashing the Galaxy Nexus


If you didn’t notice, I’ve been without a smartphone for about a month. Going from a smartphone to an ENV3 basically makes me want to kill myself. Such a first world problem… I had a Droid (which was a laggard, slow piece of shit) and decided not to replace it because this fucking phone was supposed to come out on October 10th but was in actuality delayed until (maybe) December 8th. So I was like “oh – it’s not worth spending money if I’m getting a new one anyway.” WRONG. I need this phone like I need oxygen. I would do very shameful things for this phone. For example, if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Selena Gomez, I’d probably pass that up for this phone.On the bright side, I save $30 on a data plan, which I’m pretty sure is equivalent to about 3 minutes at the bar…

Anyway… 96% of people are saying this is the most wonderful device inexistenceand Android 4.0 is amazing and all that shit. But these are the complaints I’m reading about:

It Only has a 5MP Camera, not 8, 16, 32 etc…
Who cares. It’s about the sensor, not the megapixels. It takes pics in low light and takes them without shutter lag. Enjoy.

It has Pentile Pixels or some shit and the screen sucks
Get your fucking eyes examined. Can you really tell the difference, you Apple fanboy piece of shit.

But it Doesn’t Have Adobe Flash
Fuck flash. No one wants this shit slowing down my phone, killing my battery and displaying ads all in my grillmix. Adobe Flash is a piece of shit, and it’s rightfully dying and being replaced with HTML5. Occupy Flash!

There’s a Volume Bug
Shut up. Pretty sure some asshole at Google/Samsung/Verizon will fix this before it’s out, because I’ll be 37 by that time.

Face Unlock Sucks and Never Works
No one cares.

It doesn’t have Siri
I don’t have conversations with fucking machines. I talk to people. So suck it.

No SD card?
Neither does an iPhone. No one cares. SD cards are slow.

 

In Conclusion
Shut the fuck up. All tech bloggers are assholes. Remember how Apple release the iPhone 4 that dropped calls just because you held your phone in your hand. Exactly. Shit happens. No go to bed.

 

PS – I’m going to run a naked lap around my block with this fucking phone when it comes out. Why? Because it won’t come out. And if if it ever does, chances are it won’t.

PS Again – I’m taking a shower. My feet smell.


If the Nexus Prime Comes to Verizon, I’m Doing the Nakey Dance


Gizmodo -“Verizon doesn’t think the Samsung GALAXY S II will be competitive with the iPhone 5 when it launches,” according to their sources. So instead they’re running with the much-anticipated Nexus Prime, the first phone with Android 4.0 (aka Ice Cream Sandwich). And it’s gonna be a Verizon exclusive when it lands in October.

We all know that Verizon’s phones suck ass. Never a pure Google Android experience and they bloat it up with shit apps that are awful. I posted about it many times. Well, someone got smart over there and wants a true iPhone 5 competitor. It’s a Samsung Nexus branded phone, meaning it’s pure Google.

If this thing has Android 4.0, has a pure Google UI (not that Samsung TouchWiz shit) and is unlocked, I’ll be online like those Apply fanboy assholes.


Save Battery Life on Your Android


I’ve been writing a lot of stupid blogs lately such as ripping onRon Weasley’s titsand a bunch of other nonsense that is useless and maybe funny. But let’s get to a more serious conversation.

If you use your smartphone nonstop to watch video, stream internet, use WiFi or play games, expect 4 hours max battery life. Under average use, you should be able to get a day to a day and a half out of your battery. I always charge mine every night and can get through the day with no problems, but that’s me not really checking it while I’m at work. Once I start using the GPS for foursquare, maps, Gmail, games etc – the battery goes quickly. Nothing you can do about that. Sorry. These will help:

Your Display is the worst battery killer ever
Want to save a lot of power? Keep your screen off as much as possible when you’re not using your phone. Also, use the power widget (see below) to keep it as dim as possible. This may be annoying in bright sunlight, but it will save a ton of battery.

Use the Power Control Widget
This thing is awesome. It’s a quick widget to toggle Wifi, Bluetooth, GPS, Account Sync and Brightness. Keep WiFi off at all times when you don’t need it. It kills the battery. There’s no reason to use Bluetooth unless you have a headset. Turn GPS off if you aren’t using it. Account sync: this one is tricky. If you want your Gmail to be pushed, leave this on. If your battery is getting low or you don’t mind refreshing Gmailmanually, shut this off to conserve

PS - see all that crap running in your notification tray/ Get rid of them all


Check Your App Settings
Turn off push notifications for stupid thengs that aren’t necessary, such as Twitter and Facebook updates. The fact that they have to have a constant internet connection to send you updates that Jane Moron updated her picture is not only annoying, but kills your battery. Want to see what apps are killing your battery? You can find out. Just go toSettings» About phone» Battery use

Be a Geek
I will not go into details but root your phone. Google it. Delete all of the bloatware your carrier installs. Install SetCPU and underclock the processor when you turn your screen off. Unfortunately, Motorola now locks their bootloaders which makes installing custom ROMS much more difficult. Only older phones and the Nexus phones have unlocked bootloaders. Good news is that HTC is providing an unlock tool and Motorola promised to unlock the bootloaders by Q4 2011 (and the Googleacquisitionwill help).

Google It
I’m sure I missed a lot. I’m tired. I’m lazy. Google is your friend. This isn’t the best guide but I don’t care.


I Just Had a Revelation (Regarding Android)


I just had a revelation regarding Android. It’s really simple actually. Follow this advice and Android will be 100% better off in one year than it is now. If you don’t care about tech or don’t want to read tech, just read the bold part.

I don’t care how “open” Android is. Apple is kicking its ass because its UI is clean and straightforward AND there are no bloated apps preinstalled on iPhones. So there’s a simple, two part solution to this that I am proposing. Google needs to get their thumbs out of their asses, grow some balls and restrict the following:

  • Carriers may NOT lock down bloatware apps per device. They can pre-install it, but the user should be able to remove it without rooting the phone.
  • Device manufacturers may NOT install custom user interfaces (Samsung’s Touchwiz, Motorola’s MotoBlur and HTC’s Sense) by default. All phones should ship with Vanilla (Google’s default theme)

The problem is that all iOS devices look the same and thats why it’s so easy to use an iPhone. But if I pick up an HTC Android, Samsung Android or Motorola Android – they all look completely different. The menu buttons on the bottom are all in random orders. The user interfaces look different – some apps are displayed left to right, some are up and down, the icons on each one look completely different. What the hell is that all about? Google needs to partner up with carriers andmanufacturersand be like “fucking listen – do shit the way we say because otherwise Apple will urinate all over us.”

Another thing. Mother fuck Verizon and Sprint for pre-installing a bunch of bullshit apps that users cannot remove. That’s some pair of balls. I’m paying $400 for an advanced phone and $80/month for service and you put my shit on lockdown? I don’t need the fucking VCast app store because there’s the Android market (Apple only has one app store). I don’t need Verizon Backup Assistant on the grounds that I can already back up my contacts to Gmail because, um, maybe it’s fucking built right in to Android already?! This defeats the purpose of an “open” phone.

This is why I will personally root any Android phone I get just to give a big F you to these carriers for 1) locking things down to begin with and 2) overcharging.

You’ve heard me rant about skinning Android and how Verizon Android Phones Suck (and suck more). But this can all be resolved. I went to the Verizon store to use a Droid Charge. It was a really nice phone. Too bad Touchwiz is a wannabe iPhone ripoff (it does look decent I have to admit, but I’d rather use the native skin). HTC Sense looks like asshole. MotoBlur is eh and the icons look like garbage.

So Google – lock down your shit becauseAndroid’s#1 problem is fragmentation. Listen to me and that fragmentation will be reduced. You’re welcome Google. Please hire me.