Is this gentleman fucking serious? DUDE. You’re a fucking IT guy. You should know about security. Keeping computers free of viruses is amateur hour. It’s like the first thing you learn when you’re 13 years old. I’ve been cleaning viruses off my family members’ computers since like 6th grade. You have to be a fucking idiot to get a virus, and you have to be a double fucking idiot to be an IT guy and get a virus – especially viruses that spam out to your client list.

But being a nice guy, rather than tearing this guy apart, I played devil’s advocate and tried to defend him for a bit. My conclusion? There is absolutely no possible defense. He’s 100% negligent on the grounds that he should know better and is a fake IT guy who doesn’t even know the difference between a CPU and computer.

Possibility 1: Maybe his teenage son or someone went to a bunch of porn sites and downloaded some crap.
Answer 1:  Nope. Don’t share a computer with anyone, imbecile. My computer is for ME. No one else. Separate the accounts, or better yet, get separate computers. Get a password. Keep people the fuck out.

Possibility 2: Maybe he downloaded cracked software, and the crack was infected.
Answer 2:  Use a sandbox, buffoon. Or test it on some other machine where your work email is not accessible, check for viruses and if it’s any good, then. No excuses.

Possibility 3: Maybe he typed a website wrong and it installed because of a buffer overflow exploit
Answer 3: This actually happened to me because Firefox and Win XP are shitty. 1) Get windows 7 and it won’t happen. 2) Use Google Chrome, because it’s sandboxed and even if something does exploit it, it cannot access the system. 3) if those two fail and it happened anyway, reformat immediately and change your passwords. I did and you didn’t see me get hacked.

Conclusion: He’s a clueless moron who is a sorry excuse for an IT guy, because any normal IT guy knows basic security. I’m not even talking about like assed linux security permissions, intrusion detection, cryptology and shit they use on banking websites. Just the basics. Like how to not run ActiveX controls in IE6. Shit like that. Like keeping your shit patched and updated. Things any 16 year old IT guy would know in his sleep.

So will this ever happen to me? Not a chance. There’s a better chance that Alex Morgan will show up at my doorstep ready to bang my dick off, than me getting a computer virus that compromises my account.  Not only do I not get viruses, my Google Account has 2-step authentication. I will get a text message any time someone attempts to try to log into my account. I also need to generate one time use passwords for any OAuth connections. There is no fucking way this account can get compromised.

You’re fired, bro.

NY Post-  A smooth-talking con man peddled a phony sob story to three kind-hearted tourists — and walked away with enough dough to pay for six weeks of luxury living at a Midtown hotel, authorities said yesterday. Silver-haired Olivier Rey, 48, of Switzerland, approached his victims in the Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers and appeared frantic, telling them that he’d just lost his credit card in a taxi and needed help for his family to check in, sources told The Post. “He just seemed to be desperate,” recalled Gary Koelling, 43, of St. Michael, Minn., who wound up handing over his credit card to Rey.

Rey allegedly told Koelling and his other marks that all he needed was their credit-card imprint to check in. He promised that he was getting a replacement charge card by the next day to take over the room charges, cops said. Instead, he lived at the luxury Seventh Avenue hotel on his victims’ dime — to the tune of more than $41,000 in all — between Oct. 13 and Nov. 27

This is why America is turning out to be a second world country folks! That’s right. We are no longer on top. We have a bunch of dumbass hicks from the middle of nowhere who go around getting swindled nonstop because they believe everyone’s sob stories. I like to be nice to people, but I do it in a way where I don’t get fucked over.

One day I was at Dunkin Donuts on 23rd St  and Lex and this guy whacked out on who knows what asked some girl to buy him an egg sandwich because his son just died and he didn’t have a job and was homeless. He was a mess. I would have believed him. She was in a rush so she swipes her card and buys the sandwich and leaves and told the Dunkins guy to give this guy the sandwich. So they make the sandwich and the guy goes “WAIT. You were supposed to pay with cash!!”  And walks out without taking the sandwich. Obviously, he wanted this girl to give him money for “food” and then just ditch and buy drugs instead. So I saw this whole thing unfold, got my coffee and walked out and what do I see? This fucking guy is out on the street begging for money for a sandwich, telling the same story. I wanted to pop him in the face. So I walk out and ignore him and he starts following me. I said I couldn’t help him and he was like “you’re cold and heartless.” BAHAHAHAHA. I laughed in his face and told him someone just gave him free food and to eat that  instead. See what I mean? Fuck this guy. I hope he overdosed. There’s a difference between that piece of shit  and a genuinely hungry or needy person. I would have no problem giving my food to someone who needed and appreciated it. I’m a fat fuck, I certainly  don’t need it…  And will I give this guy cash? Fuck no? He’s going to buy alcohol with that shit. You know what? Forget him, I’m going to buy alcohol with it! Not him. Be street smart, fuckers. People will tell you the most convincing sob stories and they’re all full of shit. Anyway back on topic:

I don’t care if the fucking Pope walked up to me and needed my credit card, I wouldn’t give it up. What do you expect to happen? How are you supposed to get paid back? I’m not just going around and giving my credit card to some joker to check into a fancy hotel. Holy shit. This is stupidity at its finest. So Gary Koelling: You sir, are a fucking dumbass.

My question is this: HOW do you not realize that some dude is charging $41,000 over the course of a month? Do you not check your statements or online portal? If I were the credit card company, I’d make this asshole pay because it would teach him a lesson.

Really smart, bros. Way to drive your tank completely underwater.  Unless your shit is an amphibious vehicle you might want to like… not do that. See, this is why this country is going to shit. These are the jokers we have protecting us during national emergencies. Just doing stupid crap, going and getting themselves in danger… Wasting government money and destroying equipment.

GET A BOAT, YA SHITS.

Shanghai Daily - A 17-year-old student in Anhui Province sold one of his kidneys for 20,000 yuan only to buy an iPad 2. Now, with his health getting worse, the boy is feeling regret but it is too late, the Global Times reported today. ”I wanted to buy an iPad 2 but could not afford it,” said the boy surnamed Zheng in Huaishan City. “A broker contacted me on the Internet and said he could help me sell one kidney for 20,000 yuan.”

This has to be fake, right? Or is someone really this idiotic? I have no further comment other than: sell your second kidney while you’re at it. I’m sure the person who received the kidney is more worthy of living than an idiot who starts chopping himself up for some fanboy device which is going to be obsolete by the end of the year.

PS – 20,000 yuan is like $3,000. You got robbed bro! Kidneys are going for like 80 grand on the black market. At least get your price asshole! I love Social Darwinism. If people like this kill themselves off for a stupid little device, the world will be a better place.

MSNBC — A Florida woman’s death apparently was caused when an electric neck massager became ensnared on her necklace and strangled her, sheriff’s investigators said on Wednesday. The woman, 37-year-old physician Michelle Ferrari-Gegerson, had been wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve and used the massager to relieve neck pain, Broward County Sheriff’s investigators said.

Jesus Christ. Here we go again with idiot America. Please explain to me how a neck massager can wrap a necklace tight enough around a person’s neck to cause death? It’s not like it has moving parts right? Doesn’t it just vibrate. If you manage that, you deserve to die. Simple as that. This moron didn’t have the common sense to run outside and get help? Shut it off? Rip the necklace off ?

Goodbye.

PS – Bottom line is, this story is complete horse shit. She really asphyxiated herself to death. Massager wasn’t anywhere near her neck. Guaranteed.

Please give me a valid reason for moving NY1 to channel 8? Seriously? It’s called NY1 for a reason. It’s been on channel 1 since 1994. What is the meaning of this!

Seriously, some engineer is sitting over at Cablevision just scheming up ways to fuck with people. “Muhahaah I’ll show them! We’ll move channel 1 to channel 8!” Who plans these things?

I can’t deal with this company anymore, and I’m not even a Cablevision customer!

Gawker – The dutch city of Alphen aan den Rijn commissioned the study five years ago to figure out why their city’s trees were developing weird growths, according to PC World. The study, conducted by a researcher at Wageningen University, found that 70 percent of trees in urban areas exhibited similar symptoms today, while only 10 percent did five years ago. What’s to blame for the increase? Wi-Fi, maybe.

This has to be the dumbest study in the history of scientific studies. WiFi is causing abnormal growths on trees? Please! I’m pretty sure WiFi existed in 2005. Ever think that maybe trees in urban areas are also exposed to smoke, soot, pollution, acid rain and noise? Hmm, maybe that’s it. WiFi is a radio wave. It’s non ionizing and has a long wavelength. It’s no different than radio stations really. It’s not like WiFi is giving off intense high frequency xrays or gamma rays that destroy cells. They should make me a scientist who studies this crap. I’ll put them right.

How fucking old, blind and stupid do you have to be to put super glue in your eyes instead of eye drops. How is that even possible? Don’t you store them in different locations? Like don’t the eyedrops go in the medicine cabinet or with all of the medical things? Or, why put superglue with your medical stuff, that should go in your hardware drawer. Organization you old crone. I can be fucking blind and I can tell you the difference between superglue and eye drops.  Now the FDA is looking into the situation and will probably force these glue makers to get crazy new packaging, all because some old bitch glued her eyeballs shut like an asshole.

My favorite part of the whole article: “I’m not young anymore, but I’m not senile.” Listen you old bat, anyone who fucking confuses a bottle of superglue with eyedrops is not mentally all there. Period

Gizmodo - According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a 37-yo Senegalese man died when his car fell into a lake near the town of Capilla, Badajoz. According to his companion—who survived the accident—the driver was following the GPS directions when the car fell into the water, sinking in just a few minutes.

According to amateur blog portfolioso.com, a 37-yo Sengalese man is a fucking idiot. If you are stupid enough to follow your GPS into a lake, you’re a damn moron and you need to be eliminated to improve the intelligence of the gene pool here on earth. It’s social Darwinism at it’s finest.

Pay the fuck attention you stupid idiot. You’re driving on a windy, dangerous, unfamiliar road – go slower. Last I checked, your GPS doesn’t drive your car for you. If you drove it off a road, you’re the one with the wheel and pedal asshole. So don’t give me any of this “oh it’s dark, it’s windy” bull, it’s 100% his fault. Could the GPS have been wrong? Yes, but it’s a machine – you use it to help you, not control you. Sorry but it’s called situational awareness. Very important.

So tell me who this schmuck fuckface companion is who survived? Another fucking idiot. What the hell was he doing when his friend was busy driving off a cliff – lounging? If they were in an unknown dark area, you think he’d be an extra set of eyes? You think he be screaming at his friend to stop driving like a maniac on some windy road with no divider and a huge drop into a lake.. Shame that guy walked away. Another moron who needs his genes of this planet.

I love reading these stories on the internet because it’s great ripping on these people. Obviously I’m 100% right. It’s like that fucking idiot who got run over following Google’s walking directions. Probably sued Google for like $300 million too.

PS – If you saw this post like 6 times on your news reader, I messed up. API tests/ reposting/ Twitter problems. Sorry