Year: 2013


This is an Idiotic Study Regarding Texting and Lying


Gizmodo – Researchers at Brigham Young University found that texts containing a lie took longer to compose and were often shorter than truthful texts. The researchers found that through exact measurement and modeling they could predict SMS lies more accurately.

This is exactly why China and India are good at math and engineering and shit, and the United States is becoming a second world bunch of idiots. Really? We needed a scientific study about how it takes people longer to lie via text message? NO SHIT.

When you lie, you need to think more so your story is bulletproof. Lying is an art – you have to be creative. It’s my policy not to lie because I have the memory of a fucking goldfish and will get caught up in it every single day of the week and twice on Sundays. For fucks sake, I just paid my credit card bill twice because I didn’t remember paying it THE DAY BEFORE. If you lie, you need to be sharp. Your story can’t have holes in it. You need to come around full circle and make sure it makes sense. This takes more time than if you’re telling the truth.

Also, it’s a stupid fucking assumption that because it takes longer to answer a text, you’re lying. Maybe I don’t like you. Maybe I’m busy….

‘Merica

Lenovo CEO Shares Bonus With Employees; Big Fucking Deal


Engadget – After helping Lenovo thrive in thewretchedPC industry — while also making it thenumber oneChinese smartphone maker — CEO Yang Yuanqing earned a sizeable bonus. Andlike last year, he’s sharing the wealth with front-line employees, giving $3.25 million of his $14.6 million salary to 10,000 workers in 20 countries. Lenovo grabbed a record $34 billion during itslast fiscal year, along with an all-time high $653 million in profit. While the sum he shared may be small compared to that, it’s almost a month’s pay for the 85 percent who work in China. And we can’t say we’ve seen too many CEOs stateside willing to part with their personal private jet fuel stash.

Big whoop bro. I mean, it’s really nice of you to share, but if you do the math $ 3,250,000/10,000 employees = $325 per employee. You can keep it, ya rich bastard!

A History Lesson To Mr. Barack Hussein Obama


httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhpKmQCCwB8

“America, it’s time to start bringing our troops home. It’s time to admit that no amount of American lives can resolve the political disaggreement that lies at the heart of someone else’s civil war.” – Barack Obama, February 10, 2007

Dear Hypocrite (and asshole Congress who will 94% most likely approve military action),

I cannot get over how full of shit you are. How little integrity you have. Listen to yourself above. This is 100% the opposite of what you want to do in Syria.Ask yourself what attacking Syria will accomplish. Because it’s the same bullshit. Can’t you see these Middle Eastern conflicts are of no concern or threat to the United States? They’ve been going on for thousands of years and will continue to go on for thousands of years. Fucking let them kill each other, gas each other, jerk each other off, or do whatever they want to do. How is that a threat to America’s national security? It’s not. Do you understand how much this shit will cost? How many more innocent people will come back with legs blown off or dead. If you fuck with Syria, you’ll have a bunch of their allies mad at us. Idiot.

Learn from fucking history: Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq wars…. Fucking wastes. This will be another long drawn out bullshit that is 100% unnecessary. I’m not even anti-war. If some country attacked us, I’d say wipe them out. I’m just anti “dumb as fuck” war. And unless some country declares war and flies shit over here and parks ships in our ports and starts attacking US citizens, war is never the right answer. Imagine if China was all like “we don’t like your style so we’re gonna shoot missiles at your cities.” That’s basically what we do to countries. And I don’t blame them for fucking hating our guts.

Eat a bag of dicks,

Portfolioso

PS – Someone put Ron Paul on suicide watch.


I Don’t Understand Muscle Chicks


nasty

I’d rather fuck a fat chick than get dominated by a dude

If you’re a chick and bralic and your muscles are bigger than mine and you work out 22 hours a day and you eat jugs of protein powder and you pump more steroids through you than A-Rod and you have the ability to rip off and uproot my dick if you’re giving me a hand job, that is not attractive. That’s nasty. I need something to grab onto, and that something shouldn’t be a rock hard muscle.

Eat a fuckin cheeseburger bro.

PS – I don’t want to see you in my news feed either.

MLB Is a Fucking Joke


arod165023

Just like America and its idiotic legal system, Major League Baseball is an absolute joke and powerless organization. So you mean to tell me that if you suspend a dude for 211 games, he can appeal and then you can’t even process it before September? How are you supposed to make an example out of people? So basically, this dude just got banned for 2 years, but can finish the season? What kind of powerless, idiotic organization is this? Do the Yankees still have to pay him?

Fuck this. I hope ARod bats .600, juices 24/7 and single-handedly takes the Yankees to the World Series. Fuck it. Un-cuncel da Yankees.