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Yankee Problems

I hate when we lose to teams who have bloated, ugly fans who puke on people. It’s unacceptable to lose to a team that you beat in the World Series the previous year. And a team that only had 9 or so wins in their last 20 games. The fucking Mets are better than the Phillies.

Problems:

• Never hold fuckin boxing matches at the Yankee Stadium. Do you see the outfield grass? It looks diseased. Gardener slipped on the half assed turf they put down it and it cost us a run. Fire that grounds crew!
• Yes Network needs to stop playing this stupid fucking commercial. The song is awful and reminds me of a preschool tune. Plus, I don’t want to look at 1980s Hondas. Cars in the 80s look like tiny, tin boxes of shit.
• Fuck Jose Contraras. He sucked in 2003-4 when he played for us, and now he shuts us down. Go back to Cuba.
• Andy Pettite should urinate all over the starting lineup and bullpen, because the poor guy worked hard and everyone didn’t care.
• Paul O’Neill – get out of the YES broadcast booth and start throwing water coolers at the players. It’ll motivate them.
• Placido Pollanco can suck it. I have is Philly ass on my fantasy team. If the Phillies are going to unload runs on the Yankees, I should at least getfantasy points out of it. But he’s like 1-9 in the series
• Joba, Marte and the rest of the bullpen sucks my fucking balls. Especially Joba – I haven’t seen him pitch well since last season.
• It’s a requirement that MLB umpires are blind, because they can’t make calls for shit. Fuckin David Patterson would make a better umpire than these jokers.
• Tampa Bay lost again. The Yankees could have taken first place solo. But no…
• Someone bring me a cheese steak. It’s the only good thing that comes out of that garbage city.
• Stop texting me. My phone just DROID’ed 6 times in the past 10 seconds.

If the Yankees don’t slaughter Los Mets in the next three days, I will not be happy