Posts Tagged ‘darwin awards’

If You Attempt To Kiss a Venomous Snake, You Deserve to Die

April 24th, 2015 9:49pm No comments

ABC News – A Florida man was bitten in the face by a venomous snake after trying to kiss it, authorities told ABC Tampa affiliate WFTS-TV. Austin Hatfield, 18, of Wimauma, told his friends he took a liking to the snake and decided to keep it as a pet, Robin Belcher, the mother of his best friend, Jason Belcher, told ABC News.

Are you kidding me? Took a liking to a poisonous snake? Tried to kiss it? I wouldn’t kiss a non-poisonous snake! Who in their right mind takes likings to poisonous snakes that can kill you in one fell swoop, let alone kisses them? You devil motherfucker you… Darwinism at its finest. But here’s the kicker… Now this dude is facing charges with the law for not having a permit to handle poisonous snakes or some shit? Huzuhhhhhh???? How does that make any sense? This backs up my point that America is not a free country. If I’m an idiot and want to kill myself by sucking face with a poisonous snake, that’s my problem, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. This is a waste of resources on someone who should be dead and not reproducing. Go to hell and hang out with all the fire snakes you want down there.

Thanks Danny for the link.

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If you get Bitten by a Poisonous snake because you Think the Bible Mandates you to Handle poisonous snakes to Test your Faith in God, then You Deserve to Die

May 30th, 2012 10:13pm No comments

Washington Post – Paraphrased: [Some asshole Christian preacher thought it would be a good idea to preach with a poisonous snake because if he were a good Christina, he wouldn’t get bitten and/or if he did get bitten, God would save him.]

You know, I read this article and was like… This is prime blogging material. It goes along with my Darwinism posts of “If you do X which is really stupid, then you deserve to die” posts. I have a few of those. This story is such a bunch of bullshit I can’t even write much about it. It’s not even worth my effort.

So you know what. You better hope God saved you…. in some other life because your asshole is dead, you ignorant bastard. Don’t you learn from your dad? Idiot. Fuckin guy died the same way. Fucking Pavlov’s dogs learned faster. It’s animal nature. If I eat this poison berry, I die. Welp, if your dad ate the poison berry, stay the fuck away. So if you don’t learn, get the fuck out of here.

Don’t they fucking teach you in the bible that the snake represents the devil? Asshole… So if you’re a dumb motherfucker that takes the Bible literally such as 7 day creation stories, talking asses, 6 million animals fit on a rickety wooden boat because God was so pissed he flooded the earth and that God will save you if a venomous snake bites your dick off and and if you’re a good person, then you won’t die… then so be it. Drop dead and get the fuck off my planet and stop breathing my air and polluting C02 because you’re an ignorant fool that clearly doesn’t deserve to live.

PS – that whole Noah’s Ark thing is the biggest bunch of mother fuckin’ bullshit I’ve heard in my life. I’ve always been taught God is forgiving and loving and compassionate. Yet two motherfuckers eat an apple and get their asses kicked and God floods the world because he wasn’t happy with how shitty everyone was behaving… Fuck that noise. Today everyone’s fucking each other by 8 years old and there’s killing, murdering, rape, poverty, wars and all this bullshit. Guess that’s better than eating a mother fucking apple. Asshole.

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You’re an Idiot If You Drive a Car Into An Ocean

March 19th, 2012 8:28pm No comments

Yahoo–  The road looked clear, at low tide – but the map forgot to show the 9 miles of water and mud between the island and the mainland.  As the three drove their rented Hyundai Getz into Moreton Bay, they found the GPS device guiding them from a gravel road into thick mud.  They tried to get back to solid ground, but as the tide rose they were forced to abandon their car.  Passengers on passing ferries watched in amazement.

“It told us we could drive down there,” Yuzu Noda, 21, told the local Bayside Bulletin. “It kept saying it would navigate us to a road. We got stuck . . . there’s lots of mud.”

I know Barstool covered this today, but it’s nothing new. I covered a similar story over a year ago. It’s Deja Vu all over again. Except this time, it makes more sense. It’s an Asian woman driving… Like are you serious? I don’t care if it’s low tide – you can’t see that you’re driving out into the middle of an ocean? What’s a road going to appear out of nowhere?

Idiot. Drown next time.

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