Tag: Android

Rant: Google Keyboard

Portfolioso June 30, 2014 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

Random pet peeve about the official stock Google Keyboard for Android:

Will you crackers fucking autocorrect “tou” to “you?” This is by far the most annoying fucking thing ever. 100% of the time I go to type “you” (which is frequent), the combination between my fat fucking fingers and the fact that 100% of Android phones have shitty touch sensors (as compared to Apple), I end up typing tou instead. No big deal. I mistype a lot of shit on there. Only thing is, it does a good job with autocorrect. But not tou to you.  Why? Because tou is a dictionary word. What the fuck is a tou? NOTHING. Get the fuck out of my dictionary. Because it’s a dictionary word, I couldn’t even add a custom dictionary/shortcut/autocorrect tou –> you trigger.

Now when I looked up tou, it was some fucker mentioned in the Old Testament. Fore sure I’ll text about this dude 0% of the time. Android L’s keyboard better be better than that shit. Ya heard?

PS – I typed this blog on a fucking netbook keyboard running Xubuntu. Netbooks are such slow pieces of shit with the worst screen resolution ever, but it actually runs a server pretty well because Linux.

Verizon’s Android WiFi Remote App is Some Shady Shit

Portfolioso July 7, 2012 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related ,

I was working on an Android app and using the debugger which lists every event that goes on on my phone and I noticed a process called com.verizon.android.wifios. This process belongs to Verizon FiOS Mobile Remote, which is a remote replacement and DVR manager for FiOS TV.

Every time I killed it from the debugger, it would re-launch. I also noticed it has this thing called vzAnalytics, which looks like it reports phone stats back to them. The best part is that Verizon lied about the email address they provided in the market. I emailed it and it bounced. Assholes. I might uninstall this

Fuck Verizon Wireless For Not Updating My Galaxy Nexus

Portfolioso May 21, 2012 1 Comment Computer/ Tech Related, Rants ,

This is a bunch of bullshit. Verizon has some pair of balls being so slow to update the buggy assed software on their phones. It’s like… They sell you the phone and then they immediately stop giving a fuck. The fucking thing wasn’t updated since December. Sprint launched the phone much later and even they have the 4.0.4 update. Don’t they understand this phone is a glorified buggy piece of shit? Half the fuckin time, I can’t even switch smoothly between 3G and 4G because the radio has a hard time accurately reporting, finding and switching between different signals. The keyboard lags when typing. The volume is low. It’s all fucked up.

Google Maps released version 6.7 which completely fucked up GPS Navigation on Android 4.0.2 only. It used to speak the street name and exit numbers during driving nav. Now it’s just like “In two miles, turn left” “Take exit right” How the hell should I know when two miles is. Motherfucker, I’m driving – I don’t want to look at my GPS screen to see what road I should turn left on. It should just tell me to “turn left on Ballsack road” or some shit.  If Verizon would have updated to 4.0.4 (which is out by the way, they just won’t push it), I wouldn’t have this issue.

I should have rooted this motherfucker from day 1. Then I would be able to install my own updates on it and I wouldnt’ have to wait for Verizon to take MONTHS and MONTHS to do this. If I want to root now, I will have to wipe my entire phone, which is a pain in my balls. But I should root so I can install DroidWall and block ads and shit, and be able to tether.

So motherfucking Google: Fix your shit. Motherfucking Verizon: release the update.

Shitheads.

</rant>

Hey Google, Pick Me as CEO of Motorola Mobility

Portfolioso February 25, 2012 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants ,

Engadget – Google’s first act with Motorola Mobility under its wing? Picking a new head for the company, apparently. According to some anonymous-type sources over at Bloomberg, Mountain View “is close” to picking its own SVP, former ad man Dennis Woodside, to succeed Sanjay Jha. Google, naturally is refusing to comment on the matter, which is still waiting the completion of the $12.5 billion acquisition.

Make me the fucking CEO of this company and I will get this shit right. I am the Apple hating clone of Steve Jobs. I’m a dick to people, I’m always right, I know what customers want and need, I strive for perfection,  if I don’t like something, I’ll tell you straight up (no bullshit), and if I don’t get my way, there will be fucking problems because I am right and you are wrong. Now if you listen to me, I will take Motorola’s piece of shit line of phones and create one superior product that will urinate all over the iPhone. I will take Google’s shitty Android fragmentation and eliminate that also. See how passionate I am about this shit? The problem with any other CEO they will hire is that the joker will be some burned out business paper shuffler who makes millions of dollars to do absolutely nothing but make 2-3 bad decisions per year and sit in a fancy chair and big office.

Step 1: Cut out all the bullshit models and just have one
Droid Pro. Droid Razr. Droid Bionic. Droid X. Droid Razr Max. Droid 1, 2,3, 4 . Droid This. Droid That. Fuck all that shit. Apple’s iPhone is popular because there is ONE phone: the iPhone. Pick a fucking phone name and iterate off of that. You can’t dominate the market if you have 800 models of some bullshit out.

Step 2:  Stop Sucking Cell Phone Carriers’ Dicks
The iPhone didn’t get where it was by letting carriers have the final say. Put  Google’s stock Android OS on there I will ship the phones how I want them. Carriers must understand this and if they fuck around with the phone… nothing – there is no fucking around with the phone. No Verizon Vcast bullshit, no Verizon visual voicemail bullshit… PURE. GOOGLE. ANDROID.

Step 3: Stop Being a Software Company
Stop putting fucking MotoBlur BULLSHIT skins on your phones. You are tainting the pure Google experience. Let the brains at Google figure out what is right. They’re already mediocre at it compared to Apple and putting extra reskinning on top of it or changing icons around

Step 4: Give Developers/Hackers Control If They Want (But Don’t Sacrifice)
Geeks want to hack these phones, put on custom ROMs. Cater to them. Don’t make it difficult. Obviously, this shouldn’t be encouraged, but don’t do bullshit. Even Apple locks their phones to a certain extent.

Step 5: Simplify
Apple wins here. The problem with Android is that it’s designed for geeks. Yes, it’s powerful, but there are too many settings and too many ways of doing things. MAKE . IT. SIMPLE. If geeks want to have the utmost control, let them, but it should be hidden. Keep everything simple and then enable a “technical” mode or some crap like that.

Step 6: Don’t Infringe Apple’s Patents
Those fuckers will sue the shit out of you. Do it on your own.

Step 7: No Shitty Hardware
I love my Galaxy Nexus and it’s the best Android phone out there. However, every aspect of this phone was done wrong. They used a piece of shit, grainy camera. Verizon completely fucked up the product launch by delaying it two months, it was released with 4 million bugs that still are not patched. It feels flimsy. The volume buttons are too easy to push, the screen scratches too easily… Etc… Still the best Android phone, despite that. Use top notch hardware, like Apple does. They won’t settle for shitty grainy cameras.

Aim: Make one simple to use phone with better hardware than the iPhone that is easy to use, then consistently improve it  (but not drastically) across new versions. Also, hype up releases and get on board.

This is a multimillion dollar strategy. You’re welcome. Hire me for 800,000 per year. Come on… That’s a steal. You know you’re going to ay some 60 year old washed up dude like 10 million per year to continue to make the company fail.

Son Of a Bitch Apple Fanboy Says Galaxy Nexus is a Piece of Shit

Portfolioso November 28, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants ,

Gigaom – While I most often use an iPhone as my primary mobile device, I’m not an Android-hater by any means.

tl;dr […]

But in terms of the average smartphone user’s priorities right now, I still believe the iPhone 4S is the superior device. The iOS web browsing experience is still better (text rendering is better, the interface is more usable, and double-tap zooming is a necessity for one-hand browsing), text looks better all around, it has a much better camera for capturing mobile memories, and with iOS 5, notifications provide exactly the right kind of information exactly where you want it.

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Jerks off to Apple Products

Fuck this guy . This is your typical fucking hipster piece of shit Apple fanboy. How did I ever guess that the Galaxy Nexus is perceived to be a complete shitpile in the eyes of an Apple fanboy. Is there anything Android can do to impress these people? Nope.

Guess what dumbshit – Android does have double tap zooming. I can argue this guy point by point, but it’s a waste of my time because 85% of people who read my blog honestly don’t know anything about technology.

My point is that I haven’t even seen the Galaxy Necus in person and I guarantee you that the hardware is better than the iPhone 4s. I guarantee you Android 4.0 is as polished as iOS. I’m not saying the 4S is bad – just that once you’re an Apple fanboy, you’re too arrogant to admit that anything else is better,

I bet if Apple boxed up a pile of horse shit and called it the iPhone 5, fanboys would still say it was better than the Galaxy Nexus. Give me a break!

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