Tag: satire

Biden Stole The Election and We’re All Screwed!

November 10, 2020


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I cannot believe I am actually writing this, but the radical left committed unprecedented fraud on a grand scale. Sleepy Joe Biden and his radical followers stole the election and America’s future is in great peril! Life as we all know it is about to change for the worse if this is not immediately resolved.

Let’s face it – Trump was the first president to cut the bullshit. He tells it like it is. Is he a little unhinged? Maybe, but that’s fine. Is he a little racist, yes, but that’s also fine – none of this affects us fine white folks so who cares about everyone else!

Here are some hot topics in no particular order and my opinions on them:

Voter Fraud

The LameStream Media cannot call the election! It is apparent that boxes of ballots have been faked – delivered by the truckload with 100% Biden votes. Dead people voted. Trump had the lead and then poof! All of a sudden he was losing. How is that even possible?!?! They are not allowing poll watchers in to make sure everything is fair. Voting machine software has been modified (only in the very close states) to give Sleepy Joe a lead, and they say there was a so-called “glitch.” It’s a conspiracy! Trump better get his best lawyer – my favorite mayor of all time – Rudy G to Four Seasons Total Landscaping for daily press conferences. Then maybe he can head next door to the dildo shop and pick up some supplies for his interview with Borat’s daughter so he can tuck his belt in again, wink wink.


Our freedoms are on the way out! We are on our way to becoming a socialist country. Just look at them trying to force us to wear masks. Ain’t no one taking away my liberty! Give me liberty or give me death to Do-nothing-Democrats! No respect for the 2nd Amendment either – they’re going to take away all of my assault rifles and automatic weapons.


The suburbs are going to be ruined. The radical left wants to defund the police which will greatly impact our safety! Socialist, low income housing will bring rapist minorities, drugs and violence to the suburbs. We cannot allow this!

China Virus / Kung Flu

This is a fake virus, invented in a lab in China and released to the world specifically to harm the greatest president to ever have existed, Donald J. Trump! There is way too much testing going on which falsely inflates the numbers. They’re saying people are positive and they don’t even have any symptoms! Sad! Even if people do get minor symptoms, it’s just a little cough and sniffle. You get all these idiots like Fauci fear mongering and inciting leftists! Trump was cured and the vaccine is right around the corner. It will go away like a miracle! Do not fear it! All you have to do is drink bleach and put UV light in the body and bam, it’s gone!

Also, how about the fact that Pfizer said they had a vaccine that works 90% of the time AFTER Biden allegedly was handed this election.

Christian Values

Joe Biden is a fake Catholic who supports murdering babies on their way out of the birth canal! Regarding LGBTQ, people only choose this lifestyle for attention and need conversion therapy to fix their illness. This is why Trump banned trans people from the army – they are too needy and cause too many problems. What restroom will they go to? We cannot expose our children to this riff-raff.

Global Warming Hoax / Environment Overregulation

The United States has the cleanest air in the world. The best air! The best water too. Just look at Flint, Michigan! Global warming is a completely fake phenomenon invented by liberal scientists. The earth naturally goes through climate cycles from ice ages to warm spells. There is absolutely no way that humans can affect something as large as our flat earth. We need to allow mass pollution to save our economy – there is too much burden on corporations with these restrictive EPA rules – it will ruin their profits! Roll them all back! We need to bail out coal! Coal is the future – there is so much coal we can literally have energy for centuries! We need more oil and natural gas. It’s a well known fact that windmills cause cancer, and what happens if there’s no wind? No power!

Antifa & Black Lives Matter TerroristOrganizations

BLM is a terrorist organization sponsored by Antifa. Mobs of violent protesters are rioting for no reason. All these criminals like Breonna Taylor and George Floyd would not have been targeted by our fine police forces. Blue lives matter!

Trump better deploy the military to these deplorable, liberal shitholes and use as much force as necessary to protect our fine country from such terrorists.

For these reasons, we need to ensure the most stable genius, @realdonaldtrump has another 4 more years. Hell, make it 8 more years, 12 more years! Remove term limits!




(This is satire you fucking idiots. Trump supporters actually believe this shit and need to eat a dick).