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Seven “Affordable” Apartments Available in Astoria: 1BR Start at $2,000/Month

Portfolioso February 3, 2019 Useless Update

Astoria Post – The latest “affordable” housing lottery has opened in Astoria and seven apartments in a 23-unit building are now on offer. The seven apartments, located at 30-68 38th St., are comprised of three one-bedroom and four two-bedroom units.  The one-bedroom units are priced at $2,000 a month and are available for household sizes of up to two people. The minimum income to qualify begins at $68,572 and goes up to $100,200. The two-bedroom affordable apartments will rent for $2,400 and are available for household sizes between two and four people. An annual household income starting at $82,286 and going up to $125,160 is required to qualify—depending on family size.

…Or you can leave that cesspool of a city, not deal with piles of garbage overflowing on the streets, bums, and a crumbling public transit system and buy an entire goddamn house instead. Ya know, not live like a savage. Not making six figure income and spending all of it to live in a Fyre Festival tent.

Let me get this straight. Your household income can be up to $125,160 and they’re basically saying you’re a poor person who’s eligible for “affordable” housing – a 2 bedroom apartment for $2,400/month.  And there are only FOUR available. Guess what. You’re not getting it, and those same units are probably >$3000/month if you don’t qualify. What a JOKE.  You have to have rocks in your head to deal with this kind of shit.

Do yourself a favor and live anywhere else. Your quality of life will improve 1000%. Mine did.

Have 49 Tarrant County Texas Republicans Lost Their Goddamned, Ignorant, Hick-Assed Minds?

Portfolioso January 11, 2019 Rants ,

Texas Tribune – County party officials overwhelmingly rejected attempts to remove Shahid Shafi because he’s Muslim. The 139-49 vote in his favor came after the state’s top Republican officials denounced the failed move to oust the trauma surgeon.

^^ Good!

“We don’t think that he’s suitable as a practicing Muslim to be vice chair because he’d be the representative for ALL Republicans in Tarrant County, and not ALL Republicans in Tarrant County think Islam is safe or acceptable in the U.S., in Tarrant County, and in the TCGOP, and there are big questions surrounding where Dr. Shafi’s loyalties lie, vis a vis Democrat and Republican policies,” she wrote in one of several Facebook posts dedicated to the topic.

^^So they think that because he’s Muslim, he’s a secret Democrat? Not all Republicans think Islam is safe? THE FUCK? Islam is a peaceful religion.

Star Telegram – Some Republicans who say it’s time they take “our party back” are pushing to remove a top Tarrant County GOP official [Dr. Shahid Shafi] because he’s Muslim.  “Please explain to me … why we need a Muslim in the SREC in Tarrant County! There are no Conservative Muslims or Moderate ones!” Republican Vicky Underhill posted on the Republican Women of Arlington Facebook page.


Daily News – Precinct chairwoman Debbie O’Brien has been outspoken about efforts to recall Shafi on social media.  “We don’t think that he’s suitable as a practicing Muslim to be vice chair because he’d be the representative for ALL Republicans in Tarrant County, and not ALL Republicans in Tarrant County think Islam is safe or acceptable in the U.S., in Tarrant County, and in the TCGOP, and there are big questions surrounding where Dr. Shafi’s loyalties lie, vis a vis Democrat and Republican policies,” she wrote in one of several Facebook posts dedicated to the topic.

^^ WAT?

“You already see it in the workplace where Muslims demand they’re able to wear their hijab and demand they get a prayer room,” Former Tarrant County precinct chair Sara Legvold said. “When was the last time a Christian was allowed to have a separate place to say their prayers?”

^^^WTF? Why does any of that matter? These holier-than-thou “Christians” are going around persecuting Muslims for no reason! That is not what Jesus would do, idiots. Hey Sara! If Christianity is so important to you, go ask your employer for prayer breaks and say the rosary during work every day. If your employer denies you, cry out for religious discrimination. Can your believe this IDIOT white lady actually wore a Burka to prove that there is an Islamization of America. For serious? Go do something else with your life. Christsake.

Good for everyone who stood up for this man! The Governor even know’s what’s up: “The promise of freedom of religion is guaranteed by the first amendment in the Constitution; and Article 1, Section 4 of the Texas Constitution states that no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust in this state”

These 49 intolerant people are fucking abominations who need to kill themselves. America is a country founded on the principles of RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. Do these people not understand the United States Constitution?!?! These ignorant fucks are trying to remove a man from office because of his religious beliefs? Are they outside their fucking minds?

The 49 people who voted to remove him should be deported and dumped onto the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to start their own idiotic country, because they are un-American. If they were actually educated, they’d realize that Islam is a peaceful religion. Yeah, there are a few radicals here and there, and Islam as a religion DENOUNCES that bad behavior. You can’t judge an entire religion on a bunch that have gone rogue.  You can throw “I did X in the name of religion Y” around all you want. If you’re a good person who’s nice and doing good things, you’re good. If you’re a shitty person doing awful things, you’re bad – simple as that.

These 49 people brought about bad attention to the already batshit crazy Republican party. Love em or hate em, the majority of Republicans involved actually thought this sort of discrimination was a bad move. Why go after a religious group? That’s only going to hurt them. Are they brain damaged? Here’s my problem with America… It shouldn’t matter if you’re a Democrat or Republican to realize this is wrong. Don’t like Muslims? Shut your whore mouth and keep it inside your own ignorant head.

Here’s some solid advice: Want this dude out of office? All you have to do is publish some “fake news” on him and invent some scandal, and walla! He’s ruined. But don’t lower yourselves and say it’s in the name of a potential link to radical Islam. Even if you secretly think it is, shut the fuck up and come up with some other excuse.

People can believe in whatever religion they want to, what the hell do I care.  Take something like Scientology, which is batshit, wonky, utterly made up  horsecrap… If people want to be dumb and get roped into that sci-fi fairy tale, by all means they have every right to do so. Doesn’t affect me whatsoever. And if they run for office and want to do good things, then go for it. If they run for office and try to create bullshit laws  based on the principles of Scientology, let’s say, to build a launch pad for Xenu to land his DC-8 spaceship on, then it’s justified (not on the grounds of religious intolerance, but on the grounds that I’m not spending taxpayer dollars on a landing pad for Xenu’s fucking spaceship. That motherfucker blew up people with hydrogen bombs and shit like that. I don’t want to die yet, thank you very much).

So go and let this educated man do his political thing and leave his religion out of it!


PS – Scientology leader people – don’t sue me. I’m tolerant over here, I was just using you as an example for shits and giggles. I know y’all sue everyone for defamation and crap, so just go on believing in your thing and I’ll leave you alone, I promise. But for real, if I disappear because of this blog that 4 people read, then I think you know where to start looking for me.

This Video of the Batshit Teacher Singing and Cutting Students’ Hair is BANANAS

Portfolioso December 7, 2018 Useless Update

This story is bananas. Probably the most absurd thing of 2018. Everything about this video and story is fascinating. It gets wilder by the minute when you watch the video:

Yowza! That lady literally lost her goddamn mind. Which leads me to the following questions:

  1. At first, I was wondering what kind of drugs make you do this? What kind of loony-juice makes a person scream the national anthem, chase after kids with scissors and cut their hair – in the middle of chemistry class? Or… What happened in her life that made her go nutzo? Or… Literally what makes you think it’s okay to act a fool like that. Even if you have the urge to do or say stupid shit – don’t you understand 1) you’ll look like a lunatic 2) people are taking video and making you viral – in a bad way and 3) just chill the fuck out and do literally anything else but that.  Unfortunately, mental illness is a real thing and no matter what the circumstance, the woman needs help.
  2. If you’re that kid, how the hell are you sitting down again when that psycho bitch tells you to after she already cut your hair? How? But if some middle aged, trippin’ assed white lady came at me with scissors and started cutting my hair, I’d be like: “Bitch are you OUTSIDE your mind?” and I would bounce ASAP.
  3. The biggest question is – how does a school district hire this lady to begin with?!?! Are they that desperate? Holy moly. Her former employment was in food safety, and a weights and measures inspector. Literally going to the local Walmart’s deli and checking to make sure their scales are accurate; shit like that. How do you go from that – to teaching high school chemistry? Chem’s hard. I was in normal people chemistry in 10th grade (not honors, and I was mostly in honors science classes) and it was still hard, but I liked it… Which brings me to my next point – school administrators usually mess everything up. The fact that this woman was suspended two times already and they still took her back is an insult to humanity. How do you think the conversation went when they renewed her for the next year? “Uhhh, Chad? Soooo… We kinda don’t have any qualified applicants to properly teach chemistry up in this joint, but the current lunatic we have now who was suspended a couple times will have to do, okay?” “Sounds good, Constance.”

Do they not hunt around for rumors or monitor Twitter and notice things like @rafaelvazquez79 ‘s tweet: “Free Mrs. G she was hella cool and chill! Back to when she wasn’t wildin 😪” Followed by a video of her tweaking out and flipping water bottles.  Pretty sure if I’m on the board or making a re-hiring decision, I’d see that on Twitter and would be like “Iight… This is going to be a lot of paperwork, but we simply cannot have this woman wildin anymore in our district. Not under my watch! First it’s just a little wildin, but before you know it, they’re bringing national attention to your school for a viral video of trying to murder kids with scissors while screaming the national anthem at the top of their lungs.”

I’m using that from now on. Anytime anyone I respected loses their mind, I’ll 100% tweet about how they were mad cool, before they were wildin’

@AnthemInc Support Reps F’in Suck at their Jobs

Portfolioso November 16, 2018 Useless Update

This is legitimately the WORST customer support response I’ve ever received. Period. Flat out embarrassment. Whoever took the time to “reply” to my question is a lazy moron who probably pastes the same canned response to everyone, telling them to call the phone people so they don’t have to handle it. We actually had a support rep where I worked a few years back do the same thing. Guy’s only job was to respond to tickets – no phones – and he was finally fired after we discovered he was sending generic responses back, not answering the question, telling people to call in instead. So much for diverting calls away from our phone reps… Wonder if this is the same idiot:

Get the FUCK lost. I have no patience for shit like this.

“The Microsoft Surfacebook Is a Piece of Shit” Rant of the Century

Portfolioso November 1, 2018 Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

I have a Gen 1 Surface Book that I had to beg for and pull strings at work to get (replacing a banged up, 3 year old Lenovo). Honestly… I wanted it so badly. I needed a hardware upgrade, my Lenovo was a plastic piece of shit that was literally falling apart (but was a solid performer) and I was ready for something sleek. Something I could bring to tech meetups, conferences etc without looking like a poor. I had it less than a year… I know the Surfacebook 2 is out (with no USB-C, what the actual fuck Microsoft), but when you work at a corporate assed company, you don’t get cutting edge shit. I was fine with that… I was super happy to finally have a sleek looking laptop – Microsoft’s MacBook competitor… And it’s a fucking piece of shit. I tried hard to like it, but it stinks on ice.

My first pet peeve is that it’s fucking slow… That’s right. It’s a DUAL CORE i7 Skylake processor. The fuck? Dual core? They made dual core laptops in 2007. I was literally in college when dual core laptops came out. My goddamn router and raspberry pi have more cores. So I literally had an older Lenovo that was a quad core i7 (albeit the previous generation of Intel chips), but it had 8 threads and more processing power… What effed this thing in the A were the Spectre and Meltdown vulnerability patches. Intel’s firmware patches in combination with Windows 10’s software mitigations literally made it run 25% slower – no exaggeration… On top of that Google Chrome (which is also on my shit list as of late), started sandboxing each tab into its own process which made that run shittier and used 15% more RAM (and it was already a fucking memory hog)… So much for advancing technology. You literally buy a device, and omg all of a sudden there’s a vulnerability and now we’re going to patch it and make it 25% slower. We’re literally regressing in time…

Next problem. It has a weird 3000 x 2000 HiDPI display. Cool, right? It’s equivalent to Apple’s Retina Display? For sure not. This is singlehandedly my number one pet peeve with this. 90% of applications cannot handle multi-monitor, mixed DPI setups. What do I mean by this? Well… When you have a 15″ screen at 3000×2000 pixels, you need to set OS scaling to 150,175 or 200% or else it looks like a microscopic asshole. When you have other displays connected, those are not necessarily high DPI, so they are scaled to 100%. So MSFT in recent updates to Windows 10 added an API that helps develops scale their apps on. And everyone on the Windows DPI team is a fucking moron because it works like shit and/or no software developers actually take the time to implement it roperly. Like Google. The number one used app and number one offender of this problem.  Chrome is buggy af on this display and no one from Google seems to give a shit (I almost went on a tangent on this here, but there’s a whole other blog about it if you care, which you probably don’t because no one reads this shit). Microsoft’s solution? Use Universal Windows Platform (UWP) apps from the MSFT store. Fuck outta hea…  90% of enterprise apps are not available as a UWP binary… While native Windows 10 apps are cool and I’m a fan of them, they are not practical for business applications. CHROME, Visual Studio, VS Code, SQL Server Management studio – all of these apps have problems on high DPI, multi-monitor displays.

Next problem: Less than one year into having it? One of the goddamn batteries fails… That’s right. The Surface Book has two batteries… One in the screen (which also contains the processor, SSD, RAM etc), and one in the keyboard (which is the main battery that holds 75% of the charge)… As we all know, battery technology is shit and hasn’t improved since the 90s and the battery in my screen flat out dies. Dead. 0% and not charging. Which means I can’t even detach the screen anymore because the software says I don’t have any battery (not that I detatched it much because that was also a gimmicky piece of shit). I had two Lenovos in 8 years… Between them both, the battery only failed one time… But a brand new, ~1 year old Surface Book had one fail way too soon.

eat a dick


So we had a new hire and he got some new Lenovo. Typical plastic-bodied piece of shit with the clit mouse (which I actually prefer, because all touchpads suck balls). And I looked at it and not only is it the latest generation i7 which isn’t as affected by the Spectre/Meltdown patches that slowed it to shit, but it has a USB-C charger and two USB-C ports… Meanwhile, Microsoft, in 2018, releases the

So your official review of the Surface Book (1 or 2) is that it’s a goddamn piece of shit, embarrassment which you should not buy. While, I dislike Apple and MacOS, you cannot deny that Apple’s hardware (ie – MacBook) is sexy and you’re better off getting one of those and dual booting to Windows if you must use the Windows ecosystem. And I bet it’s not a piece of shit like the Surface Book, which launches with outdated peripherals and is put to shame by some Chinese Lenovo piece of shit with a bad body but is actually a solid performer.

PS – Random rant on how software is buggy: What the actual fuck is going on in the technology world? Between Microsoft’s shitty Windows Update bugs, Google Chrome going from awesome to shit in 10 years, Android App bugs, Nest bugs, Waze bugs… Everything stinks.  You know what the problem is? Too many people are overpaid product owners / UX Designers. These people are fucking morons. All they care about is releasing new features… No one cares about speed, performance and stability. No one.. And I’m fucking sick of it. You know how many times as of late I tried to do something that should have taken me 20 seconds and I struggle with it for hours due to bad UX, bugs and idiocy? Every single day of the week and twice on Sundays.

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