Tag: Stupidity

You’re an Idiot If You Drive a Car Into An Ocean

Portfolioso March 19, 2012 No Comments Rants ,

Yahoo–  The road looked clear, at low tide – but the map forgot to show the 9 miles of water and mud between the island and the mainland.  As the three drove their rented Hyundai Getz into Moreton Bay, they found the GPS device guiding them from a gravel road into thick mud.  They tried to get back to solid ground, but as the tide rose they were forced to abandon their car.  Passengers on passing ferries watched in amazement.

“It told us we could drive down there,” Yuzu Noda, 21, told the local Bayside Bulletin. “It kept saying it would navigate us to a road. We got stuck . . . there’s lots of mud.”

I know Barstool covered this today, but it’s nothing new. I covered a similar story over a year ago. It’s Deja Vu all over again. Except this time, it makes more sense. It’s an Asian woman driving… Like are you serious? I don’t care if it’s low tide – you can’t see that you’re driving out into the middle of an ocean? What’s a road going to appear out of nowhere?

Idiot. Drown next time.

Dumbfuck IT Guy Can’t Keep His Shit Secure

Portfolioso December 26, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

This will be very vague, because I need to protect identities since it’s work related. We have this IT consultant for a certain project (thankfully he’s not our full IT solution) who seemed to be okay. Then I get an email from him:

Is this gentleman fucking serious? DUDE. You’re a fucking IT guy. You should know about security. Keeping computers free of viruses is amateur hour. It’s like the first thing you learn when you’re 13 years old. I’ve been cleaning viruses off my family members’ computers since like 6th grade. You have to be a fucking idiot to get a virus, and you have to be a double fucking idiot to be an IT guy and get a virus – especially viruses that spam out to your client list.

But being a nice guy, rather than tearing this guy apart, I played devil’s advocate and tried to defend him for a bit. My conclusion? There is absolutely no possible defense. He’s 100% negligent on the grounds that he should know better and is a fake IT guy who doesn’t even know the difference between a CPU and computer.

Possibility 1: Maybe his teenage son or someone went to a bunch of porn sites and downloaded some crap.
Answer 1:  Nope. Don’t share a computer with anyone, imbecile. My computer is for ME. No one else. Separate the accounts, or better yet, get separate computers. Get a password. Keep people the fuck out.

Possibility 2: Maybe he downloaded cracked software, and the crack was infected.
Answer 2:  Use a sandbox, buffoon. Or test it on some other machine where your work email is not accessible, check for viruses and if it’s any good, then. No excuses.

Possibility 3: Maybe he typed a website wrong and it installed because of a buffer overflow exploit
Answer 3: This actually happened to me because Firefox and Win XP are shitty. 1) Get windows 7 and it won’t happen. 2) Use Google Chrome, because it’s sandboxed and even if something does exploit it, it cannot access the system. 3) if those two fail and it happened anyway, reformat immediately and change your passwords. I did and you didn’t see me get hacked.

Conclusion: He’s a clueless moron who is a sorry excuse for an IT guy, because any normal IT guy knows basic security. I’m not even talking about like assed linux security permissions, intrusion detection, cryptology and shit they use on banking websites. Just the basics. Like how to not run ActiveX controls in IE6. Shit like that. Like keeping your shit patched and updated. Things any 16 year old IT guy would know in his sleep.

So will this ever happen to me? Not a chance. There’s a better chance that Alex Morgan will show up at my doorstep ready to bang my dick off, than me getting a computer virus that compromises my account.  Not only do I not get viruses, my Google Account has 2-step authentication. I will get a text message any time someone attempts to try to log into my account. I also need to generate one time use passwords for any OAuth connections. There is no fucking way this account can get compromised.

You’re fired, bro.

If You Give Your Credit Card to a Random Stranger, You Deserve to Get Cleaned Out

Portfolioso December 6, 2011 No Comments Rants ,

NY Post–  A smooth-talking con man peddled a phony sob story to three kind-hearted tourists — and walked away with enough dough to pay for six weeks of luxury living at a Midtown hotel, authorities said yesterday. Silver-haired Olivier Rey, 48, of Switzerland, approached his victims in the Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers and appeared frantic, telling them that he’d just lost his credit card in a taxi and needed help for his family to check in, sources told The Post. “He just seemed to be desperate,” recalled Gary Koelling, 43, of St. Michael, Minn., who wound up handing over his credit card to Rey.

Rey allegedly told Koelling and his other marks that all he needed was their credit-card imprint to check in. He promised that he was getting a replacement charge card by the next day to take over the room charges, cops said. Instead, he lived at the luxury Seventh Avenue hotel on his victims’ dime — to the tune of more than $41,000 in all — between Oct. 13 and Nov. 27

This is why America is turning out to be a second world country folks! That’s right. We are no longer on top. We have a bunch of dumbass hicks from the middle of nowhere who go around getting swindled nonstop because they believe everyone’s sob stories. I like to be nice to people, but I do it in a way where I don’t get fucked over.

One day I was at Dunkin Donuts on 23rd St  and Lex and this guy whacked out on who knows what asked some girl to buy him an egg sandwich because his son just died and he didn’t have a job and was homeless. He was a mess. I would have believed him. She was in a rush so she swipes her card and buys the sandwich and leaves and told the Dunkins guy to give this guy the sandwich. So they make the sandwich and the guy goes “WAIT. You were supposed to pay with cash!!”  And walks out without taking the sandwich. Obviously, he wanted this girl to give him money for “food” and then just ditch and buy drugs instead. So I saw this whole thing unfold, got my coffee and walked out and what do I see? This fucking guy is out on the street begging for money for a sandwich, telling the same story. I wanted to pop him in the face. So I walk out and ignore him and he starts following me. I said I couldn’t help him and he was like “you’re cold and heartless.” BAHAHAHAHA. I laughed in his face and told him someone just gave him free food and to eat that  instead. See what I mean? Fuck this guy. I hope he overdosed. There’s a difference between that piece of shit  and a genuinely hungry or needy person. I would have no problem giving my food to someone who needed and appreciated it. I’m a fat fuck, I certainly  don’t need it…  And will I give this guy cash? Fuck no? He’s going to buy alcohol with that shit. You know what? Forget him, I’m going to buy alcohol with it! Not him. Be street smart, fuckers. People will tell you the most convincing sob stories and they’re all full of shit. Anyway back on topic:

I don’t care if the fucking Pope walked up to me and needed my credit card, I wouldn’t give it up. What do you expect to happen? How are you supposed to get paid back? I’m not just going around and giving my credit card to some joker to check into a fancy hotel. Holy shit. This is stupidity at its finest. So Gary Koelling: You sir, are a fucking dumbass.

My question is this: HOW do you not realize that some dude is charging $41,000 over the course of a month? Do you not check your statements or online portal? If I were the credit card company, I’d make this asshole pay because it would teach him a lesson.

These are the Jokers Protecting This Country

Portfolioso August 29, 2011 No Comments Rants ,


Really smart, bros. Way to drive your tank completely underwater.  Unless your shit is an amphibious vehicle you might want to like… not do that. See, this is why this country is going to shit. These are the jokers we have protecting us during national emergencies. Just doing stupid crap, going and getting themselves in danger… Wasting government money and destroying equipment.


Fucking Idiot Sells Kidney For iPad 2

Portfolioso June 2, 2011 No Comments Rants ,

Shanghai Daily – A 17-year-old student in Anhui Province sold one of his kidneys for 20,000 yuan only to buy an iPad 2. Now, with his health getting worse, the boy is feeling regret but it is too late, the Global Times reported today. “I wanted to buy an iPad 2 but could not afford it,” said the boy surnamed Zheng in Huaishan City. “A broker contacted me on the Internet and said he could help me sell one kidney for 20,000 yuan.”

This has to be fake, right? Or is someone really this idiotic? I have no further comment other than: sell your second kidney while you’re at it. I’m sure the person who received the kidney is more worthy of living than an idiot who starts chopping himself up for some fanboy device which is going to be obsolete by the end of the year.

PS – 20,000 yuan is like $3,000. You got robbed bro! Kidneys are going for like 80 grand on the black market. At least get your price asshole! I love Social Darwinism. If people like this kill themselves off for a stupid little device, the world will be a better place.

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