Category: Rants

Happy Pride Month: Now Take This Piece of Shit Billboard Down

June 8, 2021

Rants, Useless Update

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This billboard is BULLSHIT

This is what you get in hick, rural Ohio folks! A land where they still fly their Trump 2020 LOSER flags (or Trump 2024. Or DeSantis 2024. Fuck off in 2024, how about that?)

Located at mile marker 155 on I-71 Southbound (approximately 35-40 miles north of Columbus), you can find this heinous, ignorant, close-minded billboard. Someone actually spent money on this. What a WASTE of money. Who actually cares who marries who? No one’s bothering anyone. Let people do their thing. All these wacky, far-right morons are all about “don’t tread on me, don’t tell me what to do, fuck masks/vaccines, etc.” Well practice what you preach! Don’t tread on anyone who wants to marry someone of the same sex. Is it costing you money? Are they bombing your corn fields? No? Then fuck right off!

I hope anyone responsible for paying for this billboard dies in a bus fire. Probably the gayest, Trump supporting, self-loathing, racist, homophobic “Christian” in the land. Nothing would make me happier than for someone to graffiti a huge dick over this nonsense immediately!

What To Watch Out for in a Group of Idiots

January 17, 2021


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So the picture below is an FBI wanted list of some of the IDIOT insurrectionist terrorists who stormed the Capitol. Feds are coming for you, dummies! Did you not think you’d be caught clear as day on camera?! These people push all these conspiracies and don’t seems to understand that the government / big tech is watching our every move. IDIOTS! You can’t take a piss these days without someone collecting that data – nothing is private or sacred anymore.

Check who’s got Covid because all but three of these idiots are DUMB hicks. No face coverings, except THREE people. In the middle of a raging pandemic. Hundreds upon hundreds of people mobbing into a government building, maskless mouths open, screaming and spewing virus droplets everywhere! What could possibly go wrong? The majority of these are sheep imbeciles who drank the Kool Aid and are just out of touch with reality. But the real dangerous motherfuckers you need to watch out for are the ones smart enough to know what they’re doing is wrong, and they’re just in on causing terror. The ones taking the pandemic seriously and following science. The dude in the hoodie in the middle of the bottom row gives me the heebie jeebies. How are you supposed to to identify him. Unless there was a way to patch together footage and follow him on video until he gets into a car or takes off a mask. But what if he outsmarts ’em? That right there is your most dangerous person ever. Your friendly neighbor of two years who is neutral AF and never talks politics, but secretly supports the wrong side of history. Maybe I just sound like an incoherent rambler. It’s fine. We all start to decline as we get older. It’s like music – everyone’s early work is usually their peak and most amazing. The economic principle of diminishing marginal utility.

Anyways, these people below have gotta go. LOCK THEM UP! Ten years minimum, to quote our outgoing fuhrer!


PS – one of my buddies signed my third grade yearbook: FirstName, LastName –Anarchist and Terrorist. He was a wicked smart dude. I had to ask mommy and daddy what an anarchist and terrorist was: IN THIRD GRADE and they were like ‘JFC who the hell is our kid hanging out with that he’s asking about this shit at 9 years old!’ It was all a joke back then. Dude had some witty humor and pushed the limits. A harmless kid, just writing absurd things with his not yet developed prepubescent brain – not knowing what would happen in the future. Oh, don’t worry though – he’s on the proper side of history.

But looking back to that phrase… These people in the wanted poster above are the dregs of society. They are truly anarchists and terrorists.

Biden Stole The Election and We’re All Screwed!

November 10, 2020


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I cannot believe I am actually writing this, but the radical left committed unprecedented fraud on a grand scale. Sleepy Joe Biden and his radical followers stole the election and America’s future is in great peril! Life as we all know it is about to change for the worse if this is not immediately resolved.

Let’s face it – Trump was the first president to cut the bullshit. He tells it like it is. Is he a little unhinged? Maybe, but that’s fine. Is he a little racist, yes, but that’s also fine – none of this affects us fine white folks so who cares about everyone else!

Here are some hot topics in no particular order and my opinions on them:

Voter Fraud

The LameStream Media cannot call the election! It is apparent that boxes of ballots have been faked – delivered by the truckload with 100% Biden votes. Dead people voted. Trump had the lead and then poof! All of a sudden he was losing. How is that even possible?!?! They are not allowing poll watchers in to make sure everything is fair. Voting machine software has been modified (only in the very close states) to give Sleepy Joe a lead, and they say there was a so-called “glitch.” It’s a conspiracy! Trump better get his best lawyer – my favorite mayor of all time – Rudy G to Four Seasons Total Landscaping for daily press conferences. Then maybe he can head next door to the dildo shop and pick up some supplies for his interview with Borat’s daughter so he can tuck his belt in again, wink wink.


Our freedoms are on the way out! We are on our way to becoming a socialist country. Just look at them trying to force us to wear masks. Ain’t no one taking away my liberty! Give me liberty or give me death to Do-nothing-Democrats! No respect for the 2nd Amendment either – they’re going to take away all of my assault rifles and automatic weapons.


The suburbs are going to be ruined. The radical left wants to defund the police which will greatly impact our safety! Socialist, low income housing will bring rapist minorities, drugs and violence to the suburbs. We cannot allow this!

China Virus / Kung Flu

This is a fake virus, invented in a lab in China and released to the world specifically to harm the greatest president to ever have existed, Donald J. Trump! There is way too much testing going on which falsely inflates the numbers. They’re saying people are positive and they don’t even have any symptoms! Sad! Even if people do get minor symptoms, it’s just a little cough and sniffle. You get all these idiots like Fauci fear mongering and inciting leftists! Trump was cured and the vaccine is right around the corner. It will go away like a miracle! Do not fear it! All you have to do is drink bleach and put UV light in the body and bam, it’s gone!

Also, how about the fact that Pfizer said they had a vaccine that works 90% of the time AFTER Biden allegedly was handed this election.

Christian Values

Joe Biden is a fake Catholic who supports murdering babies on their way out of the birth canal! Regarding LGBTQ, people only choose this lifestyle for attention and need conversion therapy to fix their illness. This is why Trump banned trans people from the army – they are too needy and cause too many problems. What restroom will they go to? We cannot expose our children to this riff-raff.

Global Warming Hoax / Environment Overregulation

The United States has the cleanest air in the world. The best air! The best water too. Just look at Flint, Michigan! Global warming is a completely fake phenomenon invented by liberal scientists. The earth naturally goes through climate cycles from ice ages to warm spells. There is absolutely no way that humans can affect something as large as our flat earth. We need to allow mass pollution to save our economy – there is too much burden on corporations with these restrictive EPA rules – it will ruin their profits! Roll them all back! We need to bail out coal! Coal is the future – there is so much coal we can literally have energy for centuries! We need more oil and natural gas. It’s a well known fact that windmills cause cancer, and what happens if there’s no wind? No power!

Antifa & Black Lives Matter TerroristOrganizations

BLM is a terrorist organization sponsored by Antifa. Mobs of violent protesters are rioting for no reason. All these criminals like Breonna Taylor and George Floyd would not have been targeted by our fine police forces. Blue lives matter!

Trump better deploy the military to these deplorable, liberal shitholes and use as much force as necessary to protect our fine country from such terrorists.

For these reasons, we need to ensure the most stable genius, @realdonaldtrump has another 4 more years. Hell, make it 8 more years, 12 more years! Remove term limits!




(This is satire you fucking idiots. Trump supporters actually believe this shit and need to eat a dick).

This Fox News Opinion Piece on Marijuana is Laugh Out Loud Funny, Fear Mongering Ignorance

March 15, 2019


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Article: Don’t be fooled – Marijuana legalization is not about advancing social justice

From time to time, I read Fox News for comic relief, because all of it is the biggest bunch of bullshit ever published and I find it really disturbing how goddamn delusional half of the country is, that they blindly believe this crap. In the Twitter-style words of our Orange Führer: Sad.

So I stumble across this opinion piece by these two goofball white guys who are still living in Nixon’s war on drugs days, and I have a problem with literally every sentence of the article. My stance on drugs is a very simple one: it’s your body do whatever the hell you want as long as you’re not bothering anyone else. Obviously I don’t condone deadbeat druggies that drag down society, do crime, violence and are irresponsible with family obligations. It’s also wise to avoid meth and opiates at all costs, and probably anything else that gets cut down and is impure that can cause harm (wait a second… alcohol, a drug, can kill you too). But if someone wants to go and do their drugs and they’re not bothering me, what the hell do I care.

First off here are your “opinion” writers:

Alex Titus

Alex Titus, a Public Interest Fellow in Washington, D.C. What the fuck does a public interest fellow do on a day to day basis? This guy looks like a douchedouchedouche.


Alex Entz

Alex Entz is a graduate student at Princeton University. He was formerly a policy advisor and speechwriter in Washington, D.C., and is an alumnus of the Philos Leadership Institute. This is what higher level educational institutions are spitting out these days? THis goofball looks like he’s one of those stuck up 60s Nixon war on drugs guys.

I expect cited evidence from scientific publications to back these MORONS’ opinions. I don’t care if I agree with them or not, if it’s being backed up with evidence, I’d respect it a bit more. How is this shit even allowed? Since middle school, we needed a works cited on all writings. We couldn’t just make up whatever the hell we felt like. And that’s what this article is doing. If I handed this shit in as a research paper in middle school, high school, or college, it’d get a big fat F (regardless of content, there are no citations! That is the biggest no-no going!

Now, let’s break down this article:

Four Democratic presidential hopefuls have signed onto a marijuana legalization bill that Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J., also a presidential contender, introduced last month. In explaining the bill, Booker assailed marijuana prohibition as an unfair, unjust and failed policy.The aim of these candidates is misguided. Legalizing marijuana will only further undermine poor communities and foster addiction.

How will it undermine poor communities? I will refer you here:

Proponents of legalization are correct to point out the racial and socioeconomic discrepancies in enforcement of marijuana arrests. And yet, that is an argument for decriminalization or changing policing tactics – not for legalization. In fact, statistics collected from states that have already legalized marijuana disprove the beliefs of those who think legalization is a cause célèbre for social justice.

So you’re saying to change policing tactics and decriminalize it, but keep it illegal? What is the point then? It would still waste taxpayer dollars enforcing it, and police will still target minorities more than white men. Also, what statistics were collected? What is your source, gentlemen?

Consider Washington state, where legalizationdid not decreaseracial disparities in marijuana-related arrests. A University of Washington report noted that such criminal justice rhetoric had yet to be supported by data. In Colorado, the number of Hispanic and African-American youtharrestedfor marijuana-related crimes has risen after legalization.

If you actually read the source, the data was inconclusive. How do you quote an inconclusive research paper, assholes? From the final comments: “Six years after the passage of I-502, the criminal justice rhetoric used to promote marijuana legalization in Washington has yet to be supported by data. More and better data are needed. Preliminary findings suggest a decrease of marijuana-related arrests in general but not a decrease of racial disparities.”

This is a good thing. Weed arrests are down, which save taxpayer dollars. The fact that there are still racial disparities in arrests doesn’t have anything to do with weed. This is a policing problem in general and applies to all crimes.

Furthermore, marijuana companies target the most vulnerable communities. Nearly one-third of marijuana is consumed by people in homes with incomesbelow $20,000, and marijuana dispensaries overwhelminglylocatein low-income communities.

Bahahahahah. They cited the “failing New York Times.” Guess it’s only failing when it doesn’t support your viewpoint. Also, if you actually read the NY Times opinion piece linked, it too does not cite it’s research: “Looking at a decade’s worth of federal surveys on drug use, he and a partner determined that Americans with a household income of less than $20,000 accounted for close to 30 percent of all marijuana use, even though they make up less than 20 percent of the population.”

This is based on “a decade’s worth of federal surveys.” Seems legit. But only the poors do the weed tho…

Marketing tactics target children by offering THC-infused gummy bears, brownies and other treats.

I can assure you that people into weed are not interested in targeting children. Gummy bears, brownies and other treats are simply more convenient if you don’t want to stink up the joint. Maybe people have lung issues and don’t want to smoke or vape, but still want their effect. Get LAWST.

Advocates frequently argue that marijuana should be legalized as a source of new tax revenue. But considering that most marijuana is smoked by low-income individuals, such a tax would be regressive in nature.

A contradiction! Up above, they said one third of people with incomes under $20,000 smoke. Last I checked, one third is not “most marijuana smoked”

I guess the following people are low income individuals: Seth Rogen, Bob Marley, Miley, Cyrus, Snoop Dogg, Amy Poehler, Woody Harrelson, Sarah Silverman, Bill Maher.. I could go on and on…

Legalization would also contribute to poverty by hindering a user’s ability to gain meaningful employment. Business owners simply do not want to hire individuals who fail their drug tests.Researchbacks up this point by showing that marijuana legalization has negatively impacted labor productivity by nearly $1,300 per worker.

Why would business owners take on the immense expense of drug testing if there is no probable cause? Sure, if you have a guy coming in all fucked up and can’t do his job, by all means drug test and use it as an excuse to fire the guy on the grounds that HE SUCKS AT HIS JOB. There are certain exceptions – I’d prefer if my airline pilot isn’t blazing it up in the cockpit. But come on… If you are good at your job, it doesn’t require the operation of heavy machinery, precise reaction times and you can carry out your behavior normally / aren’t acting like a paranoid/hyped-up/drunk/drugged out weirdo, I don’t care if you’re on drugs or not. (If yes, maybe do the drugs after work and then don’t let it interfere with your productivity)

And maybe that research paper is correct. I’m not scholarly enough to validate it, but anything can be skewed. But let’s face it, if you’re going into work stoned all the time, of course you’re not going to be as productive. Uh doyyyy, Captain Obvious!

Legalization’s social impacts are damning, too. In Pueblo, Colorado, the percentage of newborns testing positive for marijuanaincreased17-fold from 2013-2017.

Or you could just not smoke weed when you’re pregnant. It’s the same thing as not drinking when you’re pregnant. People do it and there are babies born with fetal alcohol syndrome as well. And alcohol is legal.

Perhaps even more concerning for the state of our communities is that marijuana is extremely habit-forming. Adults who use fewer than 10 times per month and who suffer no problems with substance abuse or dependence account for less than 5 percent of consumption. More than half of marijuana is consumed by someone who is under the influence more than half of all their waking hours, according to drug policy expert Jonathan Caulkins.

Get the fuck out of here, extremely habit forming… Really? According to who? “Drug policy expert Jonathan Caulkins” who is not a goddamn medical professional? You want to know what’s extremely habit forming? Oxycodone being prescribed by big pharma. Consider the following scenario: “Oops I threw my back out, please give me this physically and psychologically addictive pill, under medical guise, that I build a tolerance to and need more and more and can’t function/shake/puke/vomit without. Oh, you’re cutting me off now? Guess I’ll go down to my local black tar heroin dealer to get the same effect. Whoops, I just overdosed and died and die because it’s been cut with Chinese fentanyl.”

Or you could just smoke a fuckin blunt and call it a day. Last I checked, weed isn’t making people shake with withdrawal and seek out shit to inject in their veins and kill them. Yeah, there could be a tad of psychological dependence, but that’s the least of anyone’s concern.

By this measure [the paragraph above], marijuana creates significantly more dependence than alcohol.

Wrong! Alcohol causes physical dependence. A severe alcoholic quitting cold turkey will probably die of complications if not weaned in rehab under medical observation.

Easy access to pot would harmfully impact young people too. Studies show that nearly25 percentof high school seniors would smoke marijuana if it was legalized.

Are they 18? Can they fight in stupid fuckin “wars” over in the Middle East and die for this dumb shit country? Then who cares. Chances are, it’ll be regulated like alcohol and you’ll need to be 21 (which is bs since you’re legally an adult at 18. I’m not saying your brain is developed fully at that time, nor am I saying it’s the best idea, but you’re legally considered an adult).

Also, fuck off. It’s damn near impossible to get alcohol if you’re under 21 and don’t have older connections, fake IDs, etc. It’s easier to get shit illegally than legally.

Research has also continued to show marijuana’s connection to psychosis. In January 2017, the National Academy of Medicine declared that Cannabis use is likely to increase the risk of developing schizophrenia and other psychoses. Higher rates of psychosis will likely lead to higher rates of violent crime.

Prove it. I don’t buy it. Where are the statistics?


So overall, this is a completely bullshit, fear mongering article, written by two asshole morons at an asshole moron news organization. I bet the two opinion writers don’t even agree with their piece at all – they seem educated. You have to be a certified IDIOT to believe all of these skewed facts. They’re probably having a ball writing creative fiction to brainwash 50% of bumblefuck, hick, morons in this dumbshit country.

One of my buddies in high school had an assignment to write a satire piece. He wrote an article promoting human cannibalism. It was hilarious and very well written. If Fox News published that shit, people would believe it.


Asshole Trump’s China Tariffs Are Costing Me More Money And I Have Proof

February 25, 2019


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Donald J. Trump, an orange buffoon, is directly responsible for making all of my reasonably-priced goods that I enjoy buying from China more expensive with his full of shit “trade war.” I bought a ton of stuff for my new place last September when I moved. Many of these items were either made in China or contained imported Chinese components. Here’s how the prices changed as of this writing:

Today’s price: $15.99 [link]| Up 14.3%

Today’s price: $49.99 [link]| Up 42.83%

Today’s Price: $16.95 [link] | Up 13.4%

Today’s Price: $25.95 -8%(-2.08) coupon = $23.87 [link] | Up 40%


Take my word for it, I can find 10 more, but you get the point… So until someone can make a better quality, cheaper version of these with good ole’ US of A ‘Murrican components, I want my lower price back and end this idiotic tax / trade war.