Author: Portfolioso

@AnthemInc Support Reps F’in Suck at their Jobs

Portfolioso November 16, 2018 Useless Update

This is legitimately the WORST customer support response I’ve ever received. Period. Flat out embarrassment. Whoever took the time to “reply” to my question is a lazy moron who probably pastes the same canned response to everyone, telling them to call the phone people so they don’t have to handle it. We actually had a support rep where I worked a few years back do the same thing. Guy’s only job was to respond to tickets – no phones – and he was finally fired after we discovered he was sending generic responses back, not answering the question, telling people to call in instead. So much for diverting calls away from our phone reps… Wonder if this is the same idiot:

Get the FUCK lost. I have no patience for shit like this.

“The Microsoft Surfacebook Is a Piece of Shit” Rant of the Century

Portfolioso November 1, 2018 Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

I have a Gen 1 Surface Book that I had to beg for and pull strings at work to get (replacing a banged up, 3 year old Lenovo). Honestly… I wanted it so badly. I needed a hardware upgrade, my Lenovo was a plastic piece of shit that was literally falling apart (but was a solid performer) and I was ready for something sleek. Something I could bring to tech meetups, conferences etc without looking like a poor. I had it less than a year… I know the Surfacebook 2 is out (with no USB-C, what the actual fuck Microsoft), but when you work at a corporate assed company, you don’t get cutting edge shit. I was fine with that… I was super happy to finally have a sleek looking laptop – Microsoft’s MacBook competitor… And it’s a fucking piece of shit. I tried hard to like it, but it stinks on ice.

My first pet peeve is that it’s fucking slow… That’s right. It’s a DUAL CORE i7 Skylake processor. The fuck? Dual core? They made dual core laptops in 2007. I was literally in college when dual core laptops came out. My goddamn router and raspberry pi have more cores. So I literally had an older Lenovo that was a quad core i7 (albeit the previous generation of Intel chips), but it had 8 threads and more processing power… What effed this thing in the A were the Spectre and Meltdown vulnerability patches. Intel’s firmware patches in combination with Windows 10’s software mitigations literally made it run 25% slower – no exaggeration… On top of that Google Chrome (which is also on my shit list as of late), started sandboxing each tab into its own process which made that run shittier and used 15% more RAM (and it was already a fucking memory hog)… So much for advancing technology. You literally buy a device, and omg all of a sudden there’s a vulnerability and now we’re going to patch it and make it 25% slower. We’re literally regressing in time…

Next problem. It has a weird 3000 x 2000 HiDPI display. Cool, right? It’s equivalent to Apple’s Retina Display? For sure not. This is singlehandedly my number one pet peeve with this. 90% of applications cannot handle multi-monitor, mixed DPI setups. What do I mean by this? Well… When you have a 15″ screen at 3000×2000 pixels, you need to set OS scaling to 150,175 or 200% or else it looks like a microscopic asshole. When you have other displays connected, those are not necessarily high DPI, so they are scaled to 100%. So MSFT in recent updates to Windows 10 added an API that helps develops scale their apps on. And everyone on the Windows DPI team is a fucking moron because it works like shit and/or no software developers actually take the time to implement it roperly. Like Google. The number one used app and number one offender of this problem.  Chrome is buggy af on this display and no one from Google seems to give a shit (I almost went on a tangent on this here, but there’s a whole other blog about it if you care, which you probably don’t because no one reads this shit). Microsoft’s solution? Use Universal Windows Platform (UWP) apps from the MSFT store. Fuck outta hea…  90% of enterprise apps are not available as a UWP binary… While native Windows 10 apps are cool and I’m a fan of them, they are not practical for business applications. CHROME, Visual Studio, VS Code, SQL Server Management studio – all of these apps have problems on high DPI, multi-monitor displays.

Next problem: Less than one year into having it? One of the goddamn batteries fails… That’s right. The Surface Book has two batteries… One in the screen (which also contains the processor, SSD, RAM etc), and one in the keyboard (which is the main battery that holds 75% of the charge)… As we all know, battery technology is shit and hasn’t improved since the 90s and the battery in my screen flat out dies. Dead. 0% and not charging. Which means I can’t even detach the screen anymore because the software says I don’t have any battery (not that I detatched it much because that was also a gimmicky piece of shit). I had two Lenovos in 8 years… Between them both, the battery only failed one time… But a brand new, ~1 year old Surface Book had one fail way too soon.

eat a dick


So we had a new hire and he got some new Lenovo. Typical plastic-bodied piece of shit with the clit mouse (which I actually prefer, because all touchpads suck balls). And I looked at it and not only is it the latest generation i7 which isn’t as affected by the Spectre/Meltdown patches that slowed it to shit, but it has a USB-C charger and two USB-C ports… Meanwhile, Microsoft, in 2018, releases the

So your official review of the Surface Book (1 or 2) is that it’s a goddamn piece of shit, embarrassment which you should not buy. While, I dislike Apple and MacOS, you cannot deny that Apple’s hardware (ie – MacBook) is sexy and you’re better off getting one of those and dual booting to Windows if you must use the Windows ecosystem. And I bet it’s not a piece of shit like the Surface Book, which launches with outdated peripherals and is put to shame by some Chinese Lenovo piece of shit with a bad body but is actually a solid performer.

PS – Random rant on how software is buggy: What the actual fuck is going on in the technology world? Between Microsoft’s shitty Windows Update bugs, Google Chrome going from awesome to shit in 10 years, Android App bugs, Nest bugs, Waze bugs… Everything stinks.  You know what the problem is? Too many people are overpaid product owners / UX Designers. These people are fucking morons. All they care about is releasing new features… No one cares about speed, performance and stability. No one.. And I’m fucking sick of it. You know how many times as of late I tried to do something that should have taken me 20 seconds and I struggle with it for hours due to bad UX, bugs and idiocy? Every single day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Sometimes I Wonder Weird Things… (tl;dr social media ramble)

Portfolioso October 7, 2018 Useless Update

Social media stinks. Facebook is garbage (politics are garbage, don’t want to hear it, k thx). I’m over bitching on Twitter, and am trying to get more positive. Instgram’s cool for now (I’m sure Facebook will ruin it eventually), especially seeing a stream of people’s life experiences.

Made me wonder about why social media is bad for society these days. I was out at dinner tonight and there were a bunch of high school kids at homecoming. Not talking, just on their phones 85% of the time I looked over. A table full of middle school kids – all on phones.

But most important reason social media is bad is that it’s addictive. Obsessedly checking for likes probably hits all the same sections of the brain as hardcore drugs do…

So real talk – I was going through my feed and liking people’s posts. And I flat out don’t like some. I’m either not into that person, or my idiot negatively firing brain for no good reason just wants to make fun of people’s looks or bullshit like that. But I want to be a nice person so I’ll never be mean… So I tell myself, wtf – these people can’t help how they look, they’re happy, why are you trying to rain on their parade ya fuckin miserab. So I stop because I don’t have any room for being a jerk to people.

Where am I going with this? So I wondered if people wondered or noticed I don’t give a royal shit about them, on the grounds that I don’t like or comment on any of their posts. And that’s narcissistic af, amirite?

And this is exactly my point of why social media is a dumpster fire. Because before all this shit, I’d be out in nature with friends having a ball. But what am I doing instead? Obsessingly checking for likes, having asshole, negative thoughts and being a narcissist who wonders if people are mad or notice that I like it some people’s shit but not theirs. Does it make them feel bad, jealous? Do they not care back? Not notice? Why am I thinking these things? Jeeeeeesus.

Let’s Analyze This HS Bro’s Yearbook Page

Portfolioso September 25, 2018 Useless Update

So I’m going to analyze Brett Kavanaugh’s yearbook entry, because I’m an expert at all of this. I worked on high school and college yearbooks and I went to HS and College with many sports bros so let’s pick out a couple things from above and study them a little closer. Given all the controversy, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you’re looking at the HS yearbook page your future Supreme Court Justice…

What a fuckin alcoholic jock bro asshole extraordinaire. Reading this reminds me of all the assholes I hated in high school. All the mean, jock, partying bros. Back then I was bitter about it because I didn’t have any fun in high school. I was a goody two shoes. Studied on weekends, didn’t go to the football games, and wasn’t popular with the sportsball players. I’m not trying to be some temperance crusader, but people like this stink.

“Georgetown vs Louisville – Who Won the Game Anyway” and “Orioles vs Red Sox, Who Won Anyway” – Translation: We were all blackout drunk and have no idea who won the game. I’ve been there. Been to a couple Yankee Games with the boys and got so plastered I had no idea what the actual hell happened in the game. We were just heckling the guards for not letting us sit closer and having a time. Nothing wrong with it as long as you don’t go sexually harassing people.

“Have You Boofed Yet” – Gotta be honest. Never heard of boof. Had to Urban Dictionary it and came up with these two gems:


If you’re going to “boof” you might as well just have a little weed, because funneling booze up your asshole seems a little extreme. But hey, our Tweeter in Chief think’s it’s okay to to grab women by the pussy these days, so what’s the harm in railing a little coke up your butthole – seems like something your average Supreme Court Justice would be down with.

“Beach Week Ralph Club” –  Throw up club, duh. When you Ralph, you puke.

“Renate Alumnius” – Obviously ya boy Brett and his football team ran train on poor Renate. The fact that his lawyer issued a statement on this is laugh out loud funny. “A White House spokesman, Raj Shah, declined to comment beyond the statement from Judge Kavanaugh’s lawyer. Four of the men who were pictured with Judge Kavanaugh in a photo captioned ‘Renate Alumni’ said it was simply a reference to their dating or going to dances with Ms. Dolphin.” 😂😂😂😂😂. Tell me another one. A bunch of guys innocently dating or going to a dance or two with the same girl is 1000000% not inside joke yearbook worthy. The only way you all do that is if you all hooked up. End of story.  I’m thinking it was something more along the lines of  what happened with Miami’s 7th Floor Crew:

Guy seems like an absolute gem. Sounds like a person who’d make sound decisions for the US of A.

This 29 Year Old who Bought a Tesla with a Credit Card is a Certified DOUCHE

Portfolioso August 21, 2018 Useless Update

CNBC – 29-year-old Keith Rosso, recently used a credit card to buy a Tesla Model 3 with his wife Liz for a total of $58,857, including taxes and fees. Although Tesla wouldn’t let Rosso purchase the car directly with his credit card, they accepted the payment through Plastiq, a third-party service that charges a 2.5 percent fee.

Rosso qualified for the Ink Business Preferred because of his eBay side hustle, and he notes that’s what’s special about the card is that it offers a high credit limit as well as the option to spend beyond that limit if necessary. His credit limit was around $37,000, so he exceeded it by about $23,000 to put the entire car payment on the card. But since he and Liz had the funds saved, they were able to pay the card off in full and they didn’t have to deal with any extra fees or interest payments.


The fact that this is an actual thing is mind bending. I can’t believe that a business related news organization actually covered this absurd story.  The whole thing seems like a giant advertisement for Plastiq and Chase. Anyway, this guy Keith Rosso is a fucking DOUCHE. CANOE. If I ever pulled this shit off, by no means would I be bragging about it or want a story written about me. Look how ridiculous this sounds: “Oh look at me! I sell shit on ebay and qualified for a business card, so I bought some credits to pay Tesla through a third party service in order to get points. But only do this if you’re a privledged white boy who has the liquid cash to immediately pay off the card” Fuckin hack. This is the kind of shit that gives Millennials bad names. I have three problems with how this went down:

  1.  How in the actual universe does Chase let someone charge $23,000 over the credit limit? Like I get that business cards let you go above the limit, but by tens of thousands of dollars? Are you for real?
  2. Who’s the idiot at the Tesla dealership that thought it was a good idea to be funded through this bullshit service Plastiq that I never heard of?
  3. How pissed is Chase right now? They got completely screwed over… This is why credit card rewards are getting cut and shittier over time. One asshole decides to game the system and the average person suffers because of it.
  4. Keith Rosso is a MORON. Unless he is beyond rich, he needs to be investing $50,000… Because in 40 years, with decent returns (even if there’s a recession or two), and compounded reinvesting, that $50,000 will be $300,000. But no… He decided to buy a Tesla which will depreciate to nothing. Good for him if he’s successful and can afford nice things – that’s not my issue. It’s the utter ridiculousness of this entire ordeal that pisses me off.

I’m all for gaming the credit card rewards system. I do it myself. Banks make ZERO money off of me. Zero. They lose money from me. I manipulate my purchases to get as many points/rewards/cashback matches as possible and never owe any interest. That’s fine, banks are rich AF, so the hell with them. But to do this on such a grand scale and brag on CNBC about it is silly. Look at this absolute goofball:

Image of privileged white boy and his wife who needs to get her God damn hand off the car; jacked from CNBC

And get the closing line of the article:

Now they’re considering using the points to spend seven nights at a Hyatt in the Maldives or on round-trip business class tickets to Australia.

Dude if you have the money, just drop 7-10k and go to the fuckin Maldives. Invest the rest, and buy a Tesla with financing. Idiot.

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