Tag: Google

Fuck Google And It’s Bitch Ass Reader

I’ve previously written articles about Google going to shit. I tried to search and link them, but there were 2-3 (check the related posts).

I see what they’re doing here. They are killing off products that are not generating revenue. They’re trying to focus on one core (piece of shit) product: Google+. Google+ was a good idea if nothing similar existed, but it actually isn’t anything that great. It’s a shame. It’s technical awesomeness with a mediocre, confusing-assed UI that no one uses at all. There is legitimately no point in me using Google+

Anyway, long story short. Fuck you and Google Reader. Want to kill it? I’ll just use feedly. Assholes.

Hey Google, Pick Me as CEO of Motorola Mobility

Engadget -Google’s first act with Motorola Mobilityunder its wing? Picking a new head for the company, apparently. According to some anonymous-type sources over atBloomberg, Mountain View “is close” to picking its own SVP, former ad man Dennis Woodside, to succeedSanjay Jha. Google, naturally is refusing to comment on the matter, which is still waiting the completion of the $12.5 billion acquisition.

Make me the fucking CEO of this company and I will get this shit right. I am the Apple hating clone of Steve Jobs. I’m a dick to people, I’m always right, I know what customers want and need, I strive for perfection, if I don’t like something, I’ll tell you straight up (no bullshit), and if I don’t get my way, there will be fucking problems because I am right and you are wrong. Now if you listen to me, I will take Motorola’s piece of shit line of phones and create one superior product that will urinate all over the iPhone. I will take Google’s shitty Android fragmentation and eliminate that also. See how passionate I am about this shit? The problem with any other CEO they will hire is that the joker will be some burned out business paper shuffler who makes millions of dollars to do absolutely nothing but make 2-3 bad decisions per year and sit in a fancy chair and big office.

Step 1: Cut out all the bullshit models and just have one
Droid Pro. Droid Razr. Droid Bionic. Droid X. Droid Razr Max. Droid 1, 2,3, 4 . Droid This. Droid That. Fuck all that shit. Apple’s iPhone is popular because there is ONE phone: the iPhone. Pick a fucking phone name anditerateoff of that. You can’t dominate the market if you have 800 models of some bullshit out.

Step 2: Stop Sucking Cell Phone Carriers’ Dicks
The iPhone didn’t get where it was by letting carriers have the final say. Put Google’s stock Android OS on there I will ship the phones how I want them. Carriers must understand this and if they fuck around with the phone… nothing – there is no fucking around with the phone. No Verizon Vcast bullshit, no Verizon visual voicemail bullshit… PURE. GOOGLE. ANDROID.

Step 3: Stop Being a Software Company
Stop putting fucking MotoBlur BULLSHIT skins on your phones. You are tainting the pure Google experience. Let the brains at Google figure out what is right. They’re already mediocre at it compared to Apple and putting extra reskinning on top of it or changingicons around

Step 4: Give Developers/Hackers Control If They Want (But Don’t Sacrifice)
Geeks want to hack these phones, put on custom ROMs. Cater to them. Don’t make it difficult. Obviously, this shouldn’t be encouraged, but don’t do bullshit. Even Apple locks their phones to a certain extent.

Step 5: Simplify
Apple wins here. The problem with Android is that it’s designed for geeks. Yes, it’s powerful, but there are too many settings and too many ways of doing things. MAKE . IT. SIMPLE. If geeks want to have the utmost control, let them, but it should be hidden. Keep everything simple and then enable a “technical” mode or some crap like that.

Step 6: Don’t Infringe Apple’s Patents
Those fuckers will sue the shit out of you. Do it on your own.

Step 7: No Shitty Hardware
I love my Galaxy Nexus and it’s the best Android phone out there. However, every aspect of this phone was done wrong. They used a piece of shit, grainy camera. Verizon completely fucked up the product launch by delaying it two months, it was released with 4 million bugs that still are not patched. It feels flimsy. The volume buttons are too easy to push, the screen scratches too easily… Etc… Still the best Android phone, despite that. Use top notch hardware, like Apple does. They won’t settle for shitty grainy cameras.

Aim: Make one simple to use phone with better hardware than the iPhone that is easy to use, then consistently improve it (but not drastically) across new versions. Also, hype up releases and get on board.

This is a multimillion dollar strategy. You’re welcome. Hire me for 800,000 per year. Come on… That’s a steal. You know you’re going to ay some 60 year old washed up dude like 10 million per year to continue to make the company fail.

I Called It! Google Is FINALLY Getting Rid of that Black StupidBar

Fucking Google. I love them to death but they recently hired a bunch of colorblint hipster jokefests as UI designers because they pretty much ruined Google Reader and Gmail. Completely devoid of color.

Anyway, these biddies should listen to me because Iobviouslyknow it all. Months ago I blogged about how shitty that black navigation bar is. Welp, today they announced that they’re getting rid of it. No shit? Since when did an ugly black eyesore of a toolbar become part of Googles UI?

Portfolioso: 1
Google: 0


Android 2.2 Froyo Just Took a Shit on the iPhone

At Google’s I/O conference, Android 2.2, dubbed Froyo was just announced and it looks amazing. iPhone OS 4, you’ve got nothing!

  • 2-5x faster than Android 2.1
  • Supports USB and WiFi tethering (using your phone’s 3G internet on your computer)
  • Exchange improvements
  • Update multiple apps at once
  • Task manager
  • stream iTunes library to your phone over WiFi
  • V8 javascript engine = fastest mobile browser ever (according to Google)
  • Flash support

Apple just keeps controlling everything and closing out developers. If you want all the tech details, I don;t want to write about them here, so check these links. But F Steve Jobs and his lame ass keynotes, Google is the shit (true dat, double true)

Screenshots: http://gizmodo.com/5543323/

Google Ruined my Homepage

Some moron engineer at Google made a brilliant decision: let’s collapse the iGoogle themes to fit more widgets in for those of us with smaller screen resolutions. FALSE. What the hell is the point of having a theme if it gets cut off? Use your brains, Google. I would much rather see the entire theme and scroll for my widgets. At least make it an option. Fix it now, it’s pissing me off.

What my theme looks like:
Google Theme Cut Off

What my theme should look like
Normal iGoogle theme

My screen resolution is 1280×800. I know I’m not really doing well height-wise, but it’s not the worst. I like my Google themes to be seasonal, and they ruined it on me. Now everything’s cut off. Thanks Google

Update: 11/25/2009 – A Google employee replied back on their help forum and acknowledged that the users were upset. Google will be making a change to how this was implemented and will post back to let us know. I will keep you updated