Category: Useless Update
You’ve Gotta Be Outside Your Mind To Be a Paid Sober Companion
The Fix – Making $600 a day to help a Hollywood star stay sober seemed like a great opportunity. I quickly became disillusioned, and found that profiting from AA service could cost me my own sobriety.
I read this article on the train and it fascinated me. First I thought it would be awesome to do this. But it isn’t. In summary: this average, former drug addict who had no money and lived in a hole in the wall was paid $18,000 for a month to be a sober companion to some celebrity. It ended up driving him batshit and the dude actually relapsed.
Hells no! If I go to L.A and live with a celeb, there is no way on this planet I won’t be partying my ass off and getting as messy as possible. No way. You can keep the money. Isn’t the only point of being in L.A the partying, messy celeb lifestyle?
Secondly, this celeb’s manager was kind of a dick. Dude was bitching about flying first class and getting flat tires in his hundred thousand dollar car. F that noise. You think I want to go and drive around some dude’s Bentley and fear for my life that I’d wreck it? For sure not. If I go to L.A, I want to be banging Playboy bunnies Vinny Chase style. Not wrestling a bottle out of a washed up celebrity’s hand.
Mad Jeesco
You know how KFC over at Barstool basically made “Cuncel Da Saeson” viral? Well I have another story about the word Jeesco. There was this video of some Indian IT swimming pool party, and about halfway through, one of the crazies in the video tried to say “disco swimming pool” but it actually sounded like Jeesco Swimming pool. So my boy John heard this and we thought it was hysterical, so whenever something is half-assed, falling apart, crappy etc, we say “that’s mad jeesco, bro”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttgg1OaOuQA
‘Murrrrrrica
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbzUGBZN2fI
This is why the world laughs at us. Because they think all Americans are like this. Let me give you guys a hint. Methamphetamine is causing these fires. PS – guy in the pimp hat is the least hick of them all.
What’s the Over/Under South Carolina Secedes from the Union Again?
October 4, 2013
Useless Update
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Portfolioso
Oh my. I smell Civil War 2. South Carolina basically telling the federal government to go fuck themselves. Don’t like this federal law? Fuck that, we’ll just nullify this. Makes me laugh. It criminalizes its implementation? So who would get arrested and shit for trying to enforce it? Feds? Congressmen? Obama? Guess what: This whole state notion of “fuck what the federal government says” works up to the point where federal government starts cutting state funding unless they ratify their shit. This is why motherfuckers can’t drink until they’re 21. Technically, a state could be like “eat a dick feds, let’s make the age 18 again so people like portfolioso don’t turn into raging alcoholics in college.” But the government is all like “nah son, I won’t give you highway money.” And the states are all whores for money, so they comply.
I’ve been thinking lately: The United States is a stupid assed fucking country with idiotic politicians and more problems that can ever be solved. But like… I’m still free. It’s not like I live in some hut in Africa drinking bacteria water, need to cloak myself in the Middle East while dodging bombs from thousands of years of civil war, and I can still go on Facebook, unlike China. The only thing worse than those is probably Time Warner Cable. Internet in Zimbabwe is more reliable. But I digress.
So despite the United States being all fucked up, fighting idiotic wars, cancelling government, states straight up trying to nullify federal law (which is actually allowed in the Constitution)…. It’s just a comedy show. I shouldn’t get all pissed about it because there’s no fixing it. As long as I can do whatever the fuck I want without harming others, so be it. So what if the NSA is spying on my shit? I’m against the shit out of that and think it’s criminal, but I’m not doing anything wrong, so whatever. Let them waste their time watching me do stupid shit like complain about servers crashing on twitter and blogging (read : first amendment free speech) about whatever the fuck I want.
Enjoyyyyy
Government