Category: Movies/Television

Jennifer Lawrence Looks Like an Asshole with Short Hair

Portfolioso November 13, 2013 No Comments Movies/Television, Rants

jennifer-lawrence-hair-beauty-news-leadBro. The fuck did you do to yourself? This is some self mutilation caliber shit. She looks more butch than Ellen DeGeneres. There is nothing worse than when smoking hot chicks shave their head and look like shit thereafter. This is a serious issue. Like… I no longer want to bang her serious.

Emma Watson pulled this shit in 2010. Don’t you people learn?

PS – I’d still do everything to her

I’m Not Embarrassed to Admit This Story Made Me Bawl My Eyes Out

Portfolioso March 20, 2013 No Comments Movies/Television, Rants

So it’s the 10 year (and one day) anniversary of the U.S invading Iraq. The internet has been buzzing with this dude Tomas Young’s story. I didn’t know about any of this. I didn’t know about the documentary Body of War and just watched the trailer now. You can call me a pussy all you want, but I was absolutely bawling by the time this trailer was over. Like… if you don’t at least tear up, you don’t have a soul:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HZuQkITY64

Anywho, this poor dude is on his deathbed. He also wrote a pretty accurate, poignant fuck you letter to Bush and Cheney. I mean shit. If someone wrote this about me, I wouldn’t know what to do.

Further Readings:

 

PS – Eddie Vedder did some of the music in that documentary and I need him to sing me to sleep.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqPzS8Y27Ks

Is Big Ang’s Daughter A Smokeshow?

Portfolioso February 23, 2012 1 Comment Movies/Television

Is it just me, or is Big Ang’s daughter a certified smoke?  I’m torn between her and Al Pacino’s Daughter.  If you go for Al Pacino’s daughter, you have a gangster pops and a DUI party girl which sounds like awesome fun. On the other hand, if you go for Big Ang’s daughter, you get to chill with Big Ang at the Drunken Monkey. This is a difficult decision…

 

She’s even got the badonkadonk going on:

 

Asterisk:  If she’s not 18, I recant this blog

 

Correction: It’s her niece. Whatever

 

Cablevision Still Sucks Balls

Portfolioso October 17, 2010 No Comments Movies/Television, Rants

Once again, the asinine morons over at Cablevision pulled another network in a contract dispute. If this shit keeps up, soon they won’t carry any channels except the ones they already own. This is getting out of control. How many times have this happened this year? Three? Food Network, ABC, now FOX.

You know what pisses me off the most? This fucking propaganda video that is playing in place of FOX:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISQM2ZX4VYw

“In an act of corporate greed…”  “150 million” “greed, greed greed” Guess what Cablevision – no one fucking cares. All people want is to watch TV. They pay you for TV service? Then it’s your job to provide popular channels. It’s that simple. I am not saying I’m a fan of News Corp here, but haven’t you noticed the pattern? Cablevision does this with every network and will continue to do it in the future. Guaranteed. Seriously, they spend more money on these public relations videos shifting the blame to the networks when it’s really all their fault. And they have the balls to call news corp out for greed? You know who sounds greedy to me? Cablevision. Not paying a network like everyone else does because it’s too much money. Or – we don’t want to spend all this money because it will lower our numbers and profits. That’s greed.

If you take Cablevision’s side on this, you are a moron. Obviously they are cheap fucks who don’t like negotiation or paying networks like everyone other provider does. It’s like they’re special and shouldn’t have to pay as much. You don’t see anyone else having this problem. Okay, maybe Time Warner cable, but they suck too.

I don’t even have Cablevision and this shit pisses me off. See here’s my problem with Cablevision. They suck. They’re owned by a bunch of morons (read: James Dolan). They’ve been pissing me off since 2002 when they wouldn’t come to terms with the YES Network and blacked out my Yankee games for a season. Back then, there were no choices. But now, there is only one answer:

Seriously, if it’s available in your area get this shit. Verizon is not paying me to say this. FiOS is genuinely superior. It’s HD is better, it’s uncompressed so the picture is less pixelated, they carry more networks, they don’t get into disputes with networks so you don’t lose channels, the internet is much faster and doesn’t slow down at peak times, you get better upload speed, the channel guide and on screen menus are fast and don’t lag. And if you call them up and haggle and say you’re switching from Cablevision, they will give you a deal and match or beat your current price. Guaranteed.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to watch the Giants game now because I can. And the Simpsons later. And Family Guy. Enjoy your blank screens, Cablevision fools!

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