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The Biggest Disappointment So Far This Decade…

I’m fucking scarred for life. That’s it… My life is over. The mother fucking Wendys at 45th and Lexington closed. I do not remember the last time I was this disappointed. Ever. Where the fuck am I supposed to eat next time I’m hammered drunk and need to catch a train home in 5 minutes? Like seriously…

That’s not even fair. This was my fucking childhood. All I did was visit the city with my mom and eat here from like 6-18 years old…

Legit… My boss just picked up a $300 bar tab and I’m still pissed off. My two coworker chicks just hooked up with each other while grinding on me and I’m still pissed off. I would have gladly picked up that tab if Wendy’s would have stayed open.

Fucking McDonalds right next door… Wendy’s was so much more hood than its black ass. Bunch of bullshit that it closed. I’m legit starving right now and needed food. Walked into Mickey D’s and walked right out out of principle. Not that I’m against McDonald’s. I’m a real fat fuck and it would have been good too…Especially the sweet tea. Shit’s legit. But Wendy’s was my boy and I couldn’t do it.

FUCK!!!!

I Called This Bieber/Gomez Bullshit Over a Year Ago

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDNF7wgxiIo

Bieber/Gomez raping faces on live television? Zzzzzzz. I am AWESOME. And by awesome, I mean I am always right. I called this shit a year and a half ago before these kids were even popular. Just by watching New Year’s Rockin Eve for 10 minutes and observing their behavior, my elite logic, discernment and situational awareness knew that they were up to no good. I have the tweet to prove it (screenshot below for those unworthy of following me on Twitter).

Fuckin Bieber… Asshole is too young for this shit. Plus Gomez is 18. She could do a lot better than Bieber’s 15 year old pencil. Tsk. Tsk.

Holy Crap, This Is a Groundbreaking Study

NOT…

Mashable -Undergraduate men who often mention or post photos of alcohol have moreFacebook friends than those who don’t, according to a study that will soon be published in theAmerican Journal of Men’s Health.

Our hypothesis is that because alcohol in college students is a predictor of social acceptance, there could be a similar correlation in the social networking world with alcohol references[posting alcoholic references] might be a mechanism for peer acceptance, says Katie Egan, who led the research as an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin in 2009.

Really though, who wastes money on these dumbshit studies?People who post more about drinking on Facebook have more friends? Ya think?! Wow, that’s new to me, captain obvious. No shit people who get hammered all the time have more Facebook friends. That’s the point. You get blackout and friend request everyone you met that night, even if you know you will never see them again. Why would you do that if you’re not drinking unless you were legitimately friends with the person. Who do you think is more popular, the joker sitting alone on a Thursday night studying, or the crazy dude who’s knocking back shots like its his job meeting new people at the 30 parties per week he goes to? Duh.

True story/ example of this phenomenon: One night T.C. got really drunk, logged onto my Facebook while I’ was taking a shit and friend requested randoms that Big Red went abroad with. Man, I looked like a damn creep-o. But some of them accepted. Hmm…

Welp, Those Crazy Christian Rapture Day Jokers Might Actually Have a Point

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quxhY3XBZic

What the fuck happened here and how does a lake just blow up? This has to be fake, right?

Vote 1 for Fake, 10 for Fuck it, the world is over on Saturday

[ratings]

More Evidence I Won’t Be Living Long

Remember how I wrote about how I was going to drop dead earlier than normal because I sit all day? Welp, time to apply for the sanitation or start my own landscaping business or something. Looks like I’ll be kicking it at 53 years old because I sit all day long. New infographic to prove it.

Hey you know what? Maybe I’ll just throw nonstop ragers. I never stood more in my life than at college parties. That’ll solve this all.

PS – who sits around and makes these things all day long? Obviously this can’t be legit, right?