Portfolioso.com Blog

Someone Install This Urinal At the Seagrape!

Holy shit! This thing is heat sensitive and changes colors as you piss on it. That’s amazing! Someone needs to install this at the Grape pronto! That trough is literally the worst pissing experience ever (and that includes the time my kidneys almost exploded at Preakness last year).

Just imagine how cool that would be, going to the Grape and seeing that. Classy.

Signal Mouthwash Tastes Like Antifreeze

…and I never even tried antifreeze. Seriously, this stuff is fucking poisonous. I rinsed my mouth with this crap one time and winced. The aftertaste was even worse. Absolute rubbish

So Much For Blogging Today

I was all about blogging from work, but I had a FiOS outage at home today. Once the service was restored, my IP address reset and my DNS didn’t update so I had absolutely no way of connecting. I’m supposed to have an admin on standby in my house to reset my shit in times like these, but the person wasn’t around today.

See, I will NEVER under any circumstances, visit this blog at work if it’s not through some kind of elite encryption, tunnel or VNC. Even though they probably don’t care, I don’t want it in the logs.

PS – this was a boring assed blog, but I don’ give a fuuuuuck.

Welp, Looks Like I’m Gonna Drop Dead at 50 of a Heart Attack

Mashable -If you’re reading this, chances are you’re sitting down, which means you’re probably digging yourself an early grave.

At least, that’s the gist of a few articles that have made the rounds recently. A particularly popular article in Men’s Health cited a study in the journal Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise that will make any desk jockey wince. Examining the lifestyles of more than 17,000 men and women over 13 years, the report found those who sit for most of the day were 54% more likely to die of heart attacks. According to Men’s Health, that statistic was true even if the people in the study were nonsmokers and regular exercisers.

Well that fucking sucks. I’m a nonsmoker and I don’t exercise. So does that make it worse? (OK, I walk a little bit – but that doesn’t count).

All I do is sit at my desk all day. Not sure if this is legit or just one big ad for these dumbass stand up desks. Seriously – I’d kill myself if I had to stand all day. I hate standing in place. I need to be moving. I guess the benefits of my summer job was that I walked around all day hauling shit around schools and setting up computers. Welp, that’s over. Now I just sit my fat ass in a chair and remote desktop everything and play with things in the cloud.

Besides the fact that I sit on my ass all day, I also havesidewalk rage, which also takes years off your life. Fuck it. For all I know a piano can fall on me tomorrow or something. Ya never know. Welp, time to live it up now I guess…