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Is This The Best Voicemail Ever, or is this the Best Voicemail Ever?

I pissed my pants listening to this voicemail. This is an absolute gem. I love the commentary and the yelling in the background and the thought process.

Points covered (you should really listen first through):

• Young Joseph, here’s the deal:
• Say your’re wrestling a bear… A big fucking grizzly bear
• You have two M60 firecrackers and a ???? and a Magnum condom
• You can fuck the bear if you want. It’s not recommended
• That bear will fuck you up
• That bear is hungry as fuck
• Don’t fuck the bear
• Everyone is recommending that you don’t fuck the bear because that bear is hungry as fuck and will fuck you up.
• You have two M80s, a canteen of water and a wine cooler
• You could wine and dine the bear, then you can fuck it but I don’t suggest it
• If you fuck a bear, that’s pretty cool and if you put that on Facebook, people will like that shit
• I changed my mind, you fuck that fuckin bear. I will like that shit
• I will share that shit
• Joe, I changed my mind. You fuck that fuckin bear.
• I want you to fuck this bear like a fuckin animal. Well, it doesn’t make sense because a bear is a kind of is an animal
• Granted, the bear will probably eat you

This is Why TC Is My Boy

Absolute ridiculousness the past two weekends:

Danny is a Crazy Fuck

Consuela

Consuela – /kohn-SWAY-luh/

verb. (1) To clean; make free from dirt, grime or mess

noun. (2) A maid or housekeeper

Usage:

• I consuela’d your cup because it was getting crusty
• You need to consuela your room, I can’t see the floor
• I need a Consuela to get this shit out of my carpet