Portfolioso.com Blog

Curb your Enthusiasm Clips

If you didn’t know, Curb your Enthusiasm is an extremely funny show running on HBO.

Anyway the link below should take you to some funny sound clips

Funny Curb Your Enthusiasm sound clips here (Dead link removed: 6/2009)

Scary Shit

So while I was on my Summer Shit Tour, I encountered some scary shit. First of all, don’t ask any questions because this sounds crazy. I am sort of withholding some names for privacy to certain people.

So for some reason, me and someone had to drive to the Westchester Square area of the Bronx to deliver a package for someone. Now this person lives in a boatyard in a terrible neighborhood. So we arrived there and got to the gate (because the boatyard is gated in for security) and you needed a card key to get in. So we rang a buzzer and the landlord of the place didn’t trust us and wouldn’t let us in. So we waited. While we were waiting, there was this bum that was clearly whacked out on drugs and was unresponsive to any stimulus, just standing there. So I was like, shit this guys going to attack us.

Anyway, five minutes later, two people came and opened the gate. So while it was open, we went in. First of all, I was afraid the landlord would call the police on us because she came out yelling. So we have this big heavy package on a handcart and we had to roll it to one of the boats. Of course there were pieces of wood on the plank that made this very bumpy and the package almost fell into the shitty muck brown/whitish polluted water. Anyway the same guy from outside the gate was standing behind us, waiting to go to his boat, which freaked me out. So it took us five minutes to get this package down the ramp to the dock. As if that wasn’t enough. We had to get it onto yet another floating dock. The space between the two docks was narrow and we almost lost the package in the water again.

Once we got it on the second dock, there were wires and ropes all over the place attached to all the boats. So here we are struggling to roll this thing over these ropes that were obscuring our path. Another ten minutes…

So we got to this boat and delivered this thing to this poor person who was extremely sick and coughing which grossed me out. These people are talking for like five minutes. During that time I sat there worried because I was in this desolate place locked in a gate far from civilization (it wasn’t like I could run away). It was loaded with poor people and druggies on these houseboats. There was garbage all over the place. I was thinking, “I want to get out of here. I do not want to get shot, stabbed with someone’s drug needle or other things.”

After what seemed like an hour, we left we walked down the floating dock, then the regular dock, then up the plank back into the landlord’s house. When we got to the gate, we were locked in. But the person I was with realized that we forgot to push an unlock button near the gate and we got out. It was not until we drove away, did I feel safe.

Lessons learned: 1. We must be thankful to live where we do. 2. Stay the fuck away from that shithole.

Could it be possible?

Well, there’s not much to say, but here’s the weather forecast. Maybe we’ll break out of this shit pattern as summer arrives….

Yes, I’m Still Alive

No I did not go into hiding. The fact that I haven’t been online in like a week can be explained by high amounts of work. You think teachers would say: Ok, why don’t you study for your finals. But no… They’re still giving tests and shit. So that’s all.

And its not like its nice out. (Because if its nice, I won’t be online all day.) So I am not outside enjoying the nice sunny 85 degree weather… Oh by the way, we’ll be underwater soon if this keeps up.

So yeah, don’t expect me to be online much until after June 19th.

Edit: I have added a little weather box on the top of the main page of this site for your enjoyment and convenience. Yay!