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Stop Bashing the Galaxy Nexus

November 21st, 2011 10:19pm Leave a comment

If you didn’t notice, I’ve been without a smartphone for about a month. Going from a smartphone to an ENV3 basically makes me want to kill myself. Such a first world problem… I had a Droid (which was a laggard, slow piece of shit) and decided not to replace it because this fucking phone was supposed to come out on October 10th but was in actuality delayed until (maybe) December 8th. So I was like “oh – it’s not worth spending money if I’m getting a new one anyway.” WRONG. I need this phone like I need oxygen. I would do very shameful things for this phone. For example,  if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Selena Gomez, I’d probably pass that up for this phone. On the bright side, I save $30 on a data plan, which I’m pretty sure is equivalent to about 3 minutes at the bar…

Anyway… 96% of people are saying this is the most wonderful device in existence and Android 4.0 is amazing and all that shit. But these are the complaints I’m reading about:

It Only has a 5MP Camera, not 8, 16, 32 etc…
Who cares. It’s about the sensor, not the megapixels. It takes pics in low light and takes them without shutter lag. Enjoy.

It has Pentile Pixels or some shit and the screen sucks
Get your fucking eyes examined. Can you really tell the difference, you Apple fanboy piece of shit.

But it Doesn’t Have Adobe Flash
Fuck flash. No one wants this shit slowing down my phone, killing my battery and displaying ads all in my grillmix. Adobe Flash is a piece of shit, and it’s rightfully dying and being replaced with HTML5. Occupy Flash!

There’s a Volume Bug
Shut up. Pretty sure some asshole at Google/Samsung/Verizon will fix this before it’s out, because I’ll be 37 by that time.

Face Unlock Sucks and Never Works
No one cares.

It doesn’t have Siri
I don’t have conversations with fucking machines. I talk to people. So suck it.

No SD card?
Neither does an iPhone. No one cares. SD cards are slow.


In Conclusion
Shut the fuck up. All tech bloggers are assholes.  Remember how Apple release the iPhone 4 that dropped calls just because you held your phone in your hand. Exactly. Shit happens. No go to bed.


PS – I’m going to run a naked lap around my block with this fucking phone when it comes out. Why? Because it won’t come out. And if if it ever does, chances are it won’t.

PS Again – I’m taking a shower. My feet smell.

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