Month: December 2011


If I Get Stampeded Tomorrow and Die, It’s Steve Jobs’ Fault


The Fucking Apple store is opening in Grand Central tomorrow at 10AM. As if that shithole isn’t crowded enough already… Every day, I walk through there at about 9:45. I’m not going to make it tomorrow. I already warned my boss that I’ll be in at 1:45 due to mobs. I’m sure there are people there right now with tents and shit just occupying Grand Central waiting to raid this Apple Store.

Thanks for making my commute 100% shittier. Fuckers.

 

This is THE Most Legit Christmas Special Ever


httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_I3NTDrsD8&start=82

My entire childhood. Pretty sure that I taped this off ABC in 1992 and played it on repeat all throughout December. Can’t believe it’s on YouTube!

If You Give Your Credit Card to a Random Stranger, You Deserve to Get Cleaned Out


NY Post– A smooth-talking con man peddled a phony sob story to three kind-hearted tourists and walked away with enough dough to pay for six weeks of luxury living at a Midtown hotel, authorities said yesterday.Silver-haired Olivier Rey, 48, of Switzerland, approached his victims in the Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers and appeared frantic, telling them that he’d just lost his credit card in a taxi and needed help for his family to check in, sources told The Post.He just seemed to be desperate, recalled Gary Koelling, 43, of St. Michael, Minn., who wound up handing over his credit card to Rey.

Rey allegedly told Koelling and his other marks that all he needed was their credit-card imprint to check in. He promised that he was getting a replacement charge card by the next day to take over the room charges, cops said. Instead, he lived at the luxury Seventh Avenue hotel on his victims’ dime to the tune of more than $41,000 in all between Oct. 13 and Nov. 27

This is why America is turning out to be a second world country folks! That’s right. We are no longer on top. We have a bunch of dumbass hicks from the middle of nowhere who go around getting swindled nonstop because they believe everyone’s sob stories. I like to be nice to people, but I do it in a way where I don’t get fucked over.

One day I was at Dunkin Donuts on 23rd St and Lex and this guy whacked out on who knows what asked some girl to buy him an egg sandwich because his son just died and he didn’t have a job and was homeless. He was a mess. I would have believed him. She was in a rush so she swipes her card and buys the sandwich and leaves and told the Dunkins guy to give this guy the sandwich. So they make the sandwich and the guy goes “WAIT. You were supposed to pay with cash!!” And walks out without taking the sandwich. Obviously, he wanted this girl to give him money for “food” and then just ditch and buy drugs instead. So I saw this whole thing unfold, got my coffee and walked out and what do I see? This fucking guy is out on the street begging for money for a sandwich, telling the same story. I wanted to pop him in the face. So I walk out and ignore him and he starts following me. I said I couldn’t help him and he was like “you’re cold and heartless.” BAHAHAHAHA. I laughed in his face and told him someone just gave him free food and to eat that instead.See what I mean? Fuck this guy. I hope he overdosed. There’s a difference between that piece of shit and a genuinely hungry or needy person. I would have no problem giving my food to someone who needed and appreciated it. I’m a fat fuck, I certainly don’t need it… And will I give this guy cash? Fuck no? He’s going to buy alcohol with that shit. You know what? Forget him, I’m going to buy alcohol with it! Not him. Be street smart, fuckers. People will tell you the most convincing sob stories and they’re all full of shit. Anyway back on topic:

I don’t care if the fucking Pope walked up to me and needed my credit card, I wouldn’t give it up. What do you expect to happen? How are you supposed to get paid back? I’m not just going around and giving my credit card to some joker to check into a fancy hotel. Holy shit. This is stupidity at its finest. SoGary Koelling: You sir, are a fucking dumbass.

My question is this: HOW do you not realize that some dude is charging $41,000 over the course of a month? Do you not check your statements or online portal? If I were the credit card company, I’d make this asshole pay because it would teach him a lesson.


Verizon Can Suck It So Hard with This Galaxy Nexus Delay Shit


I have no words. I was supposed to have this fucking Galaxy Nexus smartphone by October 10th and here I am with one hand on my dick and the other on this piece of shit. I read a tech blog today that the Galaxy Nexus was on display at the Samsung Experience, which a half-assed Apple store that has a whopping amount of products on display: 3 chromebooks, 4 TVs and 2 smartphones. Store was almost as bare as my grandma’s fridge. I trek my ass all the way to this store, taking all the wrong subways because I’m a noob dumbass, and what do I find?

The piece of shit is not there because Verizon ordered it to be removed, since they didn’t officially announce it.

This is exactly how to not release a phone, folks. Want to know why Apple is so successful (besides the fact that they have cult fanboys and their products cater to simple minded people who are clueless about technology)? Because when they release a product, they hype it for like 4 months. People line up for that shit like it’s the end of the world.

What does Verizon do? They delay the shit for two months and it ends up getting release in 5 other countries first, then by the time it comes out, no one but the ubergeeks give a shit. It’s going to be released so quietly that no one is going to care. Verizon also advertises and pushes pieces of shit like the Motorola Droid Razr and all of this other bullshit bundled with Verizon

Trust me.. Verizon is NEVER going to launch another “official Google” phone again because they lose tons of control over it. They’d rather release shitty phones from shitty companies that put shitty user interfaces and shitty bloatware on them.

If I don’t get to pre-order or order this fucking thing by Friday, I’m officially going to check into a mental institution for obsessive compulsivedisorderand schizophrenia. Because obviously I amdelusional and out of touch with realitythinking that this phone is ever going to be released. Because it probably won’t be. It’ll be like Shutter Island. One big mindfuck that never existed.

PS – the only reason I am so obsessing over this phone is because I’m using such a piece of shit, that the earpiece doesn’t work and it doesn’t even have a fucking clock built in. That’s right folks. The second I lose service, I have no idea what time it is because apparently LG didn’t think to put a fucking simple assed clock in their piece of shit.