Month: December 2012

Using “Suck a Dick” In a Derogatory Way

Portfolioso December 27, 2012 No Comments Useless Update

“That application sucks a dick”
“Fuck that asshole. He can go suck a dick”

I’m intrigued. Whenever I’m pissed at something, I say “X, Y and Z can go suck a dick.”  Because that’s gross.  But like… Suppose you’re a slut and you like  a fat dick in your mouth? Does it still mean the same? Could it be a positive thing? Like.. If you’re Skanky McSkankerson and I’m like… This thing sucks a dick.. She might be all like “oh awesome!”

Some ho enlighten me please!

It’s Not Cheating If You Bang Someone Else In Space, Right?

Portfolioso December 27, 2012 No Comments Useless Update

I’m making this perfectly clear right now. If I ever get a chance to be an astronaut in space, if there’s some chick there, we’re definitely banging. Just so I can say it happened. It can’t be considered cheating, right? You’re not even on the same planet. There has to be some kind of interplanetary rule where it doesn’t count. Am I right, or am I right?

Thoughts?

I Hope Joseph Lhota and All MTA Board Members Die of Hepatitis

Portfolioso December 19, 2012 No Comments Rants

Fuck the entire MTA and their fare hikes. I hope anyone responsible for this  fare hike dies in a bus fire. I’m broke as fuck and I have to pay these fuckers 9% more to ride antique broken down trains that fuck up 10 times out of 12. Crowds jammed ass to dick and black people yelling at you for stepping on their shoes. So this jerkoff chairman wants a fare hike and then resigns to run for mayor? Fuck that noise.

I tell you what. Jump the mother fucking turnstyles. Puke, piss and shit all over the trains drunk. Swipe motherfuckers in for free. Fuck it. This is why we can’t have nice things.

PS- how do you pronounce that pussy assed name? Low-ta? Hoe-ta? La-hota? Fuckin dickbreath.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4ZW0PTm9ME

Who Would I Rather Spend the Day With? Kate Upton or Dave Grohl

Portfolioso December 10, 2012 2 Comments Useless Update

The scenario: I get to spend the entire day with either Kate Upton or Dave Grohl
The catch: In order to do this, I have to bang said person for 7 minutes at the end of the day (ONLY).

Should be a no brainer if I’m a straight male, right?

Absolutely not. This is a pretty tough decision. I would probably do anything to hang with Dave. Could you imagine how legitimate that would be? All I want to do would be to bro out, drink some beers and have him teach me drums and guitar and sing me to sleep and all that shit. Have him fuckin shred some Foo Fighters in my garage and make all the neighbors jealous. But I have to draw the line somewhere though. As awesome as that sounds, I’m not sticking it in his ass for this opportunity. That’s straight up gross. I was debating this with Mals and she was like… It’s just a hole and this is probably the most awesome person to hang out with – just deal with it. Uhhhhh. I don’t think I can do that. Sorry.

On the other hand, I’d absolutely ruin Kate Upton. But the thing about Kate Upton is… What the hell would I do with her all day if I’m not allowed to bang her? I’m pretty sure she has no purpose other than looking hot all day and putting her tits in your face… So if I picked Kate Upton, I pretty much ruin my whole day but at least we could bang.

I think I’m going Kate Upton because I can dress her as a bunny and shit and bring her to work as my personal assistant. It would make everyone jealous and shit. Then I’ll cry myself to sleep that I didn’t get to hang out with Dave Grohl.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCUnWIs88CQ&start=12

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