Category: Rants
If You Stop On The Subway Stairs to Check Your Phone, You’re a Cunt
Mother fuckers! Get out of my way! The narrow assed stairs are NO places to stand and dawdle on your phone, especially during mother fucking rush hour. Put that shit away and get out of my way. It’s two lanes – one up and one down. When you block one, no one can go anywhere. I had the urge to punt this bitch down the stairs and smash her phone through her skull, but I had to hold myself back.
So I have a new policy. Anytime some shithead does this, I will call them out 10 times out of 10. Like “Yep. Great place to stop, asshole” or “Not like anyone’s trying to get by, dickbreath.”These fuckers should get the death sentence for that shit.
Is this Bullshit Summer Over Yet? Summer in NYC Blows
I fucking despise summer. Summer in New York is one of the most miserable experiences ever. Period. Fuckin… the worst thing is dressing up in hot ass uncomfortable business clothes every day and standing like a sardine next to smelly, filthy motherfuckers and homeless on the subway for extended amounts of time because “ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your patience.” What the fuck is train traffic? Its a fuckin one way rail. How does that shit get delayed? Its not like some asshole got a flat tire and blocked the road, although with how shitty the MTA is, I wouldn’t be surprised if it WAS possible for those broken down shitpile trains to get flat tires.
It’s humid, there are millions of asshole tourists walking around, getting in my way. I’m sweaty, grumpy, pissy. My trains are delayed, the office AC is not cold enough, people smell like shit, people walk too slow, I can roast a chicken on the subway platforms. Fuck this noise.
I’ve come to the realization that unless I’m at the beach, there is absolutely no reason for it to be above 55 degrees.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love and need seasons, or I’d get bored. But we all know summer is virtually over after July 4ths like some unwritten rule. Once there are no more company holidays, its all bullshit.
Viva la fall!
PS – posted this shit from my Nexus 7 and the WordPress app. If it looks shitty, my bad. Love this stupid waste of money. Also, fuck Apple.
I have No Mercy For People Who Kill Themselves on Train Tracks and Delay My Commute
CT Post-The man struck and killed Saturday by a Metro-North train behind theKings Highway Stop & Shopsupermarket had been lying on the tracks, officials saidSunday.Michael Leary, 51, of New Milford, was killed instantly when an eastbound train struck him at 6:26 p.m.,Metropolitan Transportation AuthorityspokesmanSalvatore Arenasaid.Leary was pronounced dead at the scene by the state medical examiner. He was identified by personal documents found on hisbody.On June 6, Leary had been issued a summons by MTA Police for trespassing on the Metro-North tracks at the same spot where he was killed Saturday, Arenasaid.Saturday’s train was packed with about 350 passengers who were delayed for 90 minutes while authorities investigated at the scene of thefatality.
This never happened to me, but God fobid it ever does because I’d lose it. Fuck you Michael Leary. These motherfuckers get off too easily. Fucking… If you want to kill yourself, suffocate yourself with a plastic bag, slit yourjugularor wrists, drown yourself (but not off a bridge to stop traffic), lock yourself in a garage and start your car and die of COpositioning… Whatever. But don’t you fucking dareinconvenienceother people you selfish mother fucker. I’m sorry. If some fuckface kills himself and I have to get delayed 90 minutes on a train, that’s some bullshit.
Instead of dying, you should be paralyzed for life so you can think about how miserable you are and how you inconvenienced 350 people for 90 minutes. That’s 31,500 minutes (21.5 days) of people’s time you wasted. You know what the MTA should do? Drive over the asshole and clean up their tracks overnight when there are no trains and fuck it. Just dump the body in a river mafioso style and go on their merry way. Dying instantly is too easy of a punishment for this asshole. Because I have no mercy for people who waste my time.
#ihavefuckingangerissuesrightnowsogofuckyourself
Stop Asking Me About Work When I Get Home
When I get home from work, I’m fucking exhausted and over it. I don’t need the people who are home with me asking me details about my day because I don’t fucking want to answer them or talk about work. The only time I will talk about work is if you ask me if I want to have a threesome with Elise and Malori, and in that case the answer is yes. Other than that, I’m home now and don’t want to talk about work. The following questions are bullshit and irrelevant to you. The shit ismonotonous, so let me answer them once and for all
- Was it busy today?
- Yes it was fucking busy you idiot. I do everything for those fuckers. I eat, sleep and dream work. I’m on call 24/7. I am the grandarchitectof next generation infrastructure. God forbid some shit breaks, my life is basically over until that shit is stable again.
- Who was off today?
- Who gives a fuck. Do you know them?
- What’s going on tomorrow?
- Who gives a fuck.
- Did you have any meetings?
- Yes. Why wouldn’t I have fucking meetings.
- Will you be late tomorrow?
- Yes. The Subways run like fucking shit.
For real. Go talk about something else.
If The Subway Turnstyle Swipe Reader Messes Up, I’m Jumping The Fuck Over It
August 3, 2012
Rants
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Today I jumped the fuck over a subway turnstyle in front of like 100 people at rush hour because the stupid ass thing refused to read my card and then locked me out. I looked like an asshole over there holding up 40 people because the shit wouldn’t read. What kind of a stupid ass turnstyle fails to read the card 3 times and then says “sorry, too soon- you can’t come in.” Fuck that noise. So no, I didn’t do anything wrong because I get unlimited rides anyway. It just screwed up. I was almost waiting for a cop to give me shit because I would have lost it on him/her
Besides that, it was 100 fuckin degrees, I was in a fighting mood because bitches stop on the fucking steps.Some fucker looked at me funny when I hopped it and I was like “Fuckin arrest me bitch.” It was 100% justified. Because I pay the stupid assed MTA like a bajillion dollars per month for unlimited use their shitty services and they can’t even have turnstyles that read my fucking card. You think I’m paying another $2.25 because their shit fucked up? Outside of your mind, I’m not giving them spit.The fucking things even say no tokens, that’s how old they are.
This isn’t even the first time this happened to me, that’s what gets me. One time I was at a station with a ceiling to floor barricade thingy and I had to go to the window and tell the stupid bitch to let me in because it fucked up.
Fuckin MTA.
MTA