Category: Rants
This Entenmann’s Cake Box is Pissing Me Off
What the hell is this shit? How am I supposed to get this cake out of the box without making a mess or shoving my fingers all over the cake? Nasty. Back in the day, their boxes used to have a pop up hinge top that opened like a lid, easily exposing the cake so you could cut a piece and close it. Now it opens like a damn box.
Whenever I want a piece of cake now, I have to slide out the entire thing, cut it, put it back in the box,crumbsare everywhere. Too much work. Before, I just popped the lid, cut a piece and closed it.
Fuckin’ nonsense.
Am I Missing Something Here?
Mashable – Groupon CEO Andrew Mason announced the decision yesterday on the company’s blog, stating: We’ve listened to your feedback, and since we don’t see the point in continuing to anger people, we’re pulling the ads. Mason noted that a few ads may still be running on February 11, but will be off the air as soon as possible.
To those who were offended, I feel terrible that we made you feel bad, wrote Mason. While we’ve always been a little quirky, we certainly aren’t trying to be the kind of company that builds its brand on creating controversy – we think the quality of our product is a much stronger message.
Mason’s decision comes after a post on February 7, the day after the game, in which he explained that he takes the causes mentioned in the ads whales, Brazilian rain forest deforestation and human rights in Tibet seriously, and that the company was raising money for organizations related to those causes.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeYtnw4zyg4
Clearly I’m missing something over here. I watched this Groupon Superbowl ad 5 times and still fail to see what is so offensive about it. Here is the transcript, broken down line for line, and with my comments:
- Mountainous Tibet. One of the most beautiful places in the world. Sounds okay to me
- This is Timothy Hutton. Sup dude?
- The people of Tibet are in trouble. Okay, that sucks. Maybe I’ll go wikipedia what’s up with the human rights issues there. Thanks for raising awareness and making me a better global citizen
- Their very culture is in Jeopardy. That sucks. Feel bad for you, bros.
- But they still whip up an amazing fish curry. Gross. Sounds disgusting.
- And since 200 of us bought a groupon.com, we’re each getting $30 of Tibetan food for just $15 for Himalayan restaurant in Chicago. Sounds good to me.
Here’s the rainforest one:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtH_Zka_o7U
It starts off very serious and seems genuinely like they;re trying to raise awareness. Then they say: “But not all deforestation is bad” and then it’s a waxing commercial. Har har har. Clever. Um… They were making a clever joke about hair you morons. They weren’t talking about fucking trees when they said “not all deforestation is bad.”
Oh and even though Elizabeth Hurley is like 50, I’d pretty much be up for anything with her, forest or not.
Here’s the Whale one:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fboyGZm_IdM
“Someone’s gotta save them… But it’s more fun watching them jumping and playing” – I’m assuming that means go ahead and save them so we can watch them jump and play. No one ever said they were going to just let whales drop the hell dead. Then there would be none to watch. Duh
No one can take a fucking joke anymore. Man up. Yes, these aren’t the funniest commercials. They’re borderline meh/average. But that’s not the point. I mean, poor Groupon spent $3 million dollars on this shit only to get a bad rep? They’re helping you save money. Be appreciative, assclowns.
PS – I really want to say that the CEO is a pussy for pulling the ads and not growing balls enough to stand by and defend them. At the same time, I understand how he doesn’t want to drive the company underground. Sometimes you just have to please the masses and if that means you look like a little bitch to save your company and get richer, so be it.
PPS – Livingsocial should run ads saying that Groupon is a cold heartless company that supports deforestation and killing whales. That’d sink em!
Bro Watching TV on his iPad2 Needs to Get Out of My Way While Walking
March 14, 2011
Rants
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Fucking shrinks, making up nonsensical disorders such as “intermittent explosive disorder” trying to make more money treating you for stuff that isn’t even real. Is it in the DSM IV? Doubtful. But it will be added soon. You know what is real? Shitheads who get in my way when I have somewhere to go. I HATE slow walkers. If you walk slow, fine. So be it. But just do it in a place where I don’t get stuck behind you. Because then I rage. I have things to do, places to go. I don’t have time to dawdle.
Like today walking off the train, there was this dude just walking with his head glued to his iPad. Obviously, he doesn’t get over to one side and let people pass. He’s over there swaying like a drunk causing a 2mph moving roadblock with this other old decrepit bitch who has no business traveling by train. I need to get by these fuckers because there’s a smokeshow up ahead that I need to go creep on.
Obviously the iPad moron is in his own damn world and oblivious, so I can’t be polite and say excuse me (which I would have had no problem doing). The other woman was deaf. So the only solution? Get all up in their grill. Just walked right on top of their asses and start grinding. Make them uncomfortable. Pretty sure the guy watching the video had no clue but the other old bitch mumbled something under her breath and finally let me pass. Welp, she got the point at least.
I always put my iPod/music/phone etc away when I’m walking because I don’t want to be that guy. Situational awareness is important. Don’t get in people’s way and pay attention to the environment. It can save your life – either you won’t get run over by a car or someone with sidewalk rage won’t beat you up).