Category: Useless Update
Finally, A New Post!
Yup. It’s been a while. First I was in Virginia (Not West Virginia Marc there’s a difference – lol) for like a week. The south’s really interesting… I have some really crazy ass shit to post from there but’ I’ll do that in September when people actually read my site. Then from Virginia I went to Atlantic City which turned my stomach because there were so many bums there its not even funny. I mean in Virginia they’re all like young and shit. In Atlantic City, most people are over 60, half dead with wheelchairs, etc. Not for me..
Anyway, then I came home for like a day and was too tired to post. After that I went to my Summer Shit tour and got killed in cards, almost got struck by lightning (that’s a whole new post) and things like that.
Well I’m back now so that’s all I have to say.
Curb your Enthusiasm Clips
If you didn’t know, Curb your Enthusiasm is an extremely funny show running on HBO.
Anyway the link below should take you to some funny sound clips
Funny Curb Your Enthusiasm sound clips here (Dead link removed: 6/2009)
Scary Shit
So while I was on my Summer Shit Tour, I encountered some scary shit. First of all, don’t ask any questions because this sounds crazy. I am sort of withholding some names for privacy to certain people.
So for some reason, me and someone had to drive to the Westchester Square area of the Bronx to deliver a package for someone. Now this person lives in a boatyard in a terrible neighborhood. So we arrived there and got to the gate (because the boatyard is gated in for security) and you needed a card key to get in. So we rang a buzzer and the landlord of the place didn’t trust us and wouldn’t let us in. So we waited. While we were waiting, there was this bum that was clearly whacked out on drugs and was unresponsive to any stimulus, just standing there. So I was like, shit this guys going to attack us.
Anyway, five minutes later, two people came and opened the gate. So while it was open, we went in. First of all, I was afraid the landlord would call the police on us because she came out yelling. So we have this big heavy package on a handcart and we had to roll it to one of the boats. Of course there were pieces of wood on the plank that made this very bumpy and the package almost fell into the shitty muck brown/whitish polluted water. Anyway the same guy from outside the gate was standing behind us, waiting to go to his boat, which freaked me out. So it took us five minutes to get this package down the ramp to the dock. As if that wasn’t enough. We had to get it onto yet another floating dock. The space between the two docks was narrow and we almost lost the package in the water again.
Once we got it on the second dock, there were wires and ropes all over the place attached to all the boats. So here we are struggling to roll this thing over these ropes that were obscuring our path. Another ten minutes…
So we got to this boat and delivered this thing to this poor person who was extremely sick and coughing which grossed me out. These people are talking for like five minutes. During that time I sat there worried because I was in this desolate place locked in a gate far from civilization (it wasn’t like I could run away). It was loaded with poor people and druggies on these houseboats. There was garbage all over the place. I was thinking, “I want to get out of here. I do not want to get shot, stabbed with someone’s drug needle or other things.”
After what seemed like an hour, we left we walked down the floating dock, then the regular dock, then up the plank back into the landlord’s house. When we got to the gate, we were locked in. But the person I was with realized that we forgot to push an unlock button near the gate and we got out. It was not until we drove away, did I feel safe.
Lessons learned: 1. We must be thankful to live where we do. 2. Stay the fuck away from that shithole.
AHH! Lightning!
July 23, 2003
Useless Update
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Portfolioso
The classic summer thunderstorm yesterday… What better to do then to go golfing (not on a golf course you fool, I’m not that stupid)!!!! Well not the smartest idea but I did anyway.
Here I am thinking it is safe to go to the driving range during a storm. There was a little enclosed roof over it which kept the rain out and one side was closed and the other was open so you can (obviously) drive the balls out.
So we’re golfing for a while and what happens?? It gets really dark, starts pouring etc. etc. Out of nowhere, this giant bolt of lightning strikes the friggin field. I swear it was within 25 feet of me. Hmm… no wonder they say to stay away from gigantic open fields. And instantly, there was an extremely loud explosion. (Because anyone who is smart knows that the thunderclap is caused by the air expanding from the extreme heat of lightning and the further away, the slower the thunder reaches you because sound is slower then light and yada yada, you learn that in 3rd grade). I have never heard anything that caused pain before and that was it.
Tell me if you were any closer to a bolt of lightning before.