Month: August 2011


Blog Analytics Don’t Lie


Here are the top google searches (this week) that brought people to this blog. It’s sad, but I can see how it’s true:

 

Breaking News: NYC Subway Countdown Clocks Are Useless Shitpiles


Fuck these things. They suck ass. Know what’s sickening? The MTA spent $400 million putting up these countdown clocks that say how many minutes until the next train and they are the most useless fucking things on this planet. I can’t decide what’s worse right now – these stupid things, or A.J Burnett.

I literally snapped this pic early today. This shit has been broken for two days. It’s a damn clock!!! They spent $400 million installing digital clocks in the stations. Yikes!

They’re never accurate at all. The thing will say 5 minutes on it for like 15 minutes. It will still say 2 minutes when the damn train is in the station. You know what works better than these shits? Peeping your head over the tracks and looking for headlights. That honestly gives me a better idea when the fucking train will arrive.

Hey MTA! How about spending that $400 million cleaning up grime and installing God damn pumps to keep water out. No, they won’t install the pumps. The fucking 1914 pumps they got secondhand from the fucking Panama Canalare good enough. Christ! Irene is going to rape your face. I’m not going to work for a month.

What’s even worse is that they exist only in like 5% of all subway stations and are supposed to be rolling out for the rest of the year. Can the god damn project, it’s useless. Put me in charge of this shit, I’ll put it right.


The World is Obviously Ending


  • Steve Jobs resigns as Apple CEO
  • Earthquakes on the east coast
  • Hurricanesaiming for NYC
JEEZ

Is it Gross to Bring your Laptop to the Shitter?


boston.com – A new survey from office-supply giantStaples Inc.finds that just over a third of respondents admitted to bringing a tablet computer into the bathroom to do such multi-tasking as scanning e-mails while freshening up and attending to other hygiene chores.

I’m kind of mad I didn’t blog about this before the internet/ Barstool did, because some joke published a study saying 35% of tablet owners use their tablets while crapping. This is a bullshit study. I came up with this concept! where’s my credit?!?! I definitely remember having this argument many times with people, but I was always too much of a bitch to blog about it. Now I simply don’t give a shit. Welp, I’m not trying to copy Barstool, but the answer is: fuck yes it’s okay to bring your laptop into the shitter. Here’s why:

First of all, I shit a lot, and I have a lot of work to do, news to read, social media sites to creep on etc. Shitting is such a waste of time. What’s the difference between browsing some articles on a laptop or reading a magazine while shitting? Nothing.

Don’t tell me it’s gross either. Because obviously, you shit/use your laptop, put your laptop down, wipe your ass and then wash your hands before even touching the laptop again. So there – it’s perfectly clean.

(Believe it or not, I was not taking a shit while writing this post, although I’ve blogged and dumped simultaneously before”

What the Twitterverse is Saying about A.J. Burnett Right Now


Fuck this guy. Anyone who gives up 7 runs in 1 2/3 innings and then curses the manager out for pulling him has a screw and a half loose. This is after Cashman defended him. The fucking guy should be sent to Scranton, demoted to the bullpen. He’s about as useful as the fucking stock market is.

And my tweets (since they’re private and you’re not worth enough to read them):