Author: Portfolioso

Testing The PuSH

March 4, 2010

Website Related

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There’s this new thing called pubsubhubub (yeah it sounds stupid) that directly notifies feed readers when I publish a new post using ajax and all that fancy bullshit. Feed readers currently ping blogs every so often to check for new content. It’s the same as a kid in the car asking “are we there yet?” This should just go out an push updates (kind of like how GMail is pushed to iPhone and Droid). So upon me pushing post, I expect my Google Reader to instantly update. If not, fail. And this is what I do instead ofmy history paper and studying for two midterms. Ya heard?

Edit: Yeah that didn’t work. Maybe I need to changes my feed in Google Reader? But I don’t see any other feed. This is all new to me. I’m just trying to keep up with the latest web technologies. Jeeeeeez

Thanks, Dream

March 3, 2010

Rants

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You ever have a dream where you are traveling towards something you want but you either never get there or it keeps getting further away from you? Yeah you have, those are common, and they suck.

But only my disturbed mind creates dreams worse than that. If I had the power to control people’s dreams I wouldn’t even put this shit into the head of someone I can’t stand. It’s just cruel.

So take the first paragraph, except instead of never getting what I want, I do get it. Yay! Sounds good right? Yeah, well 5 seconds later, it disappears. And for the next who knows how long, I am frantically trying to get it back. Walking far, looking in different rooms. Nothing. Empty. I mean, I slept through my two roommates alarms, people walking and the assholes upstairs doing their P90X workout video. Usually I wake up. But no, I kept sleeping because something was trying to piss me off.

Fuck you, dream. I know I have this issue in real life. I’m working on it. You don’t need to taunt me about it in my sleep, when I should be resting. I mean, this shit’s horrifying. I’ve had nightmares (not recently – more as a kid) where aliens killed me, I was murdered, ghost haunted me, I was burned to death, dead people yelled at me for being an asshole, disasters, etc – you get the point. Those don’t bother me. This just annoyed the crap out of me. Then you wonder why I stay up all night…

Bad Engineering: Floor Ducts

February 25, 2010

Rants

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Please explain to me why anyone would put AC/heat ducts on the floor. They belong on the wall a few inches above ground. And this rant starts my new series “Bad Engineering” where I will rant about dumbass engineers who don’t use common sense when building stuff. And make sure you have a strong stomach before reading on.

Why it’s bad

I live in a college house with 5 guys. College guys shit a lot. Our toilet clogs every 43 minutes. When it overflows, where does the water go? Right into the stupid hole in the floor. I’m pretty sure it’s bad for water to go into our furnace. Then we wonder why this house smells like mold, piss and shit. I’m pretty sure we’ve had drunks piss and puke down those ducts at some point. Don’t even get me started with the kitchen. I’ve seen crumbs, hot dogs, potato chips and eggs get emptied into them. It’s nasty and uncalled for, and wouldn’t happen if some dipshit engineer put them on a vertical wall off the ground.

Solution

Put them on the wall about a foot off the ground. Problem solved. It’s not that hard.

Professors Like to Rob Students Blind

February 1, 2010

Rants, School Related

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Business lesson with Dr. Portfolioso, CEO of Portfolioso Industries. We will be discussing how to cut costs regarding book purchasing for a management class I am taking

So a week ago, I get an email from one of my professors before class starts. “I will be buying your books. Bring me $100” Well gee, thanks a lot, that’s a lot of money. I’ll take care of buying my own books, not you, and here’s why:

So I get to class tonight and he brings us 6 different books. Me being an OCD control freak, come back and do some magical Excel calculations. First, I add up the retail price on the books. The professor claimed to have purchased these books at a 50% discount from a local mom and pop bookstore. So first I add up the retail prices on all 6 books: ($15.00 + $18.00 + $15.00 + $14.95 + $14.95 + $14.95 = $92.75). Add in about 7% sales tax and you’re around $100. Okay so this guy was completely bullshitting us about his discount, but at least the figures add up and he’s not stealing my money.

But here’s what pisses me off. I usually buy books on Amazon.com. So I do two more calculations. First, I calculate the cost of buying them new from Amazon, with free shipping if they were all combined: $21.15 + $9.75 + $9.85 + $10.17 + $10.17 + $10.17 = 71.26. Add some tax and you’re around $76.

But F that. I don’t need new pristine books. As long as I can read them, I will get them used – who cares. Normal professors list their books before the course starts, along with the authors and editions so I can grab them off Amazon, which is how I normally buy my books. So I added up buying them used on Amazon from various sellers. Including shipping, we’ve got: $8.94 + $6.98 + $7.98 + $8.18 + $8.54 + $8.17 = $48.79

Someone tell this mother fucker he owes me $51.21. This greedy bitch makes over $100,000 per year. I am poor. Cut me some slack, Jack. By the way, thank Christ this is the last semester I need to buy books. It’s all one huge sham.

Moral of the story: This “management professor” is a terrible manager because he can’t cut costs. Everyone knows you need to save money. Under my system, I would have saved $51.21. This is why this jokeface is only a professor of management and doesn’t actually manage anything in real life. Okay, this is only like $50, but in corporations, we’re talking millions. It’s the same concept though. People like him break this economy and drive companies to the ground.

The iPad is a tremendous piece of iShit

January 28, 2010

Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

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Sucks to you Apple fanboys! When stuff like this happens, I grin from ear to ear. The only reason Apple is so successful with new products these days is because they hype them so much. They are running out of new ideas quickly and all they can do is improve upon what already exists. For about a month now, the internet has been plagued with “Apple Tablet” rumors. It actually started to sound cool. Then they announce the iPad (which is an awful name by the way). Numerous stupid people will confuse iPad and iPod, mark my words.

So I really didn’t know much about this iPad, since I was busy all day sleeping, looking for jobs, Watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, wasting time etc. I pretty much ignored all the hype. So after researching it and learning more, here comes the shitstorm:

iPads automatically suck. First off, it’s absolutely huge. An iPhone can do the same exact thing. Let’s go over some specs:

  • It cannot multitask. Seriously Apple? With Android 2.1 around the corner, haven’t you learned yet? Why don’t you spend your R&D making a 4th gen iPhone with a screen that doesn’t get shit on by the Droid/Nexus One and actually multitasks.
  • Screen resolution: 1024×768. That was decent in 2002. And it’s not widescreen, so movies will look awful on it.
  • No camera. How am I supposed to use Skype on this thing? And so much for the rumors of the front and back facing cameras.
  • iPad? What an awful name
  • No Flash support.
  • All the ports are nonstandard and you need to carry around various adapters. So much for portability. Guess what? My netbook is portable and I don’t need to carry around extra hunks of proprietary shit so I can plug in a flash drive.
  • Only runs app store apps. WHAT IS THE POINT?! A phone can do that. Why not put Snow Leopard on it?
  • Storage maxes out at 64GB. Netbooks can hold much more with real harddrives or SSDs.
  • Ranges from $499-$829. Way too expensive for so few features. As I said a few times, netbooks are cheaper.
  • There’s probably a lot more wrong with it, but I don’t give two hoots and have seen enough, and writing this is making me rage

In conclusion, a netbook can multitask, is smaller, has a better display/ resolution, has a camera, has a real keyboard, runs Adobe Flash and is much cheaper. Enough said. Only gullible, idiotic Apple Fanboys would buy this shitpile.