Business lesson with Dr. Portfolioso, CEO of Portfolioso Industries. We will be discussing how to cut costs regarding book purchasing for a management class I am taking
So a week ago, I get an email from one of my professors before class starts. “I will be buying your books. Bring me $100” Well gee, thanks a lot, that’s a lot of money. I’ll take care of buying my own books, not you, and here’s why:
So I get to class tonight and he brings us 6 different books. Me being an OCD control freak, come back and do some magical Excel calculations. First, I add up the retail price on the books. The professor claimed to have purchased these books at a 50% discount from a local mom and pop bookstore. So first I add up the retail prices on all 6 books: ($15.00 + $18.00 + $15.00 + $14.95 + $14.95 + $14.95 = $92.75). Add in about 7% sales tax and you’re around $100. Okay so this guy was completely bullshitting us about his discount, but at least the figures add up and he’s not stealing my money.
But here’s what pisses me off. I usually buy books on Amazon.com. So I do two more calculations. First, I calculate the cost of buying them new from Amazon, with free shipping if they were all combined: $21.15 + $9.75 + $9.85 + $10.17 + $10.17 + $10.17 = 71.26. Add some tax and you’re around $76.
But F that. I don’t need new pristine books. As long as I can read them, I will get them used – who cares. Normal professors list their books before the course starts, along with the authors and editions so I can grab them off Amazon, which is how I normally buy my books. So I added up buying them used on Amazon from various sellers. Including shipping, we’ve got: $8.94 + $6.98 + $7.98 + $8.18 + $8.54 + $8.17 = $48.79
Someone tell this mother fucker he owes me $51.21. This greedy bitch makes over $100,000 per year. I am poor. Cut me some slack, Jack. By the way, thank Christ this is the last semester I need to buy books. It’s all one huge sham.
Moral of the story: This “management professor” is a terrible manager because he can’t cut costs. Everyone knows you need to save money. Under my system, I would have saved $51.21. This is why this jokeface is only a professor of management and doesn’t actually manage anything in real life. Okay, this is only like $50, but in corporations, we’re talking millions. It’s the same concept though. People like him break this economy and drive companies to the ground.
Please explain to me why anyone would put AC/heat ducts on the floor. They belong on the wall a few inches above ground. And this rant starts my new series “Bad Engineering” where I will rant about dumbass engineers who don’t use common sense when building stuff. And make sure you have a strong stomach before reading on.
Thanks, Dream
March 3, 2010
Rants
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Portfolioso
You ever have a dream where you are traveling towards something you want but you either never get there or it keeps getting further away from you? Yeah you have, those are common, and they suck.
But only my disturbed mind creates dreams worse than that. If I had the power to control people’s dreams I wouldn’t even put this shit into the head of someone I can’t stand. It’s just cruel.
So take the first paragraph, except instead of never getting what I want, I do get it. Yay! Sounds good right? Yeah, well 5 seconds later, it disappears. And for the next who knows how long, I am frantically trying to get it back. Walking far, looking in different rooms. Nothing. Empty. I mean, I slept through my two roommates alarms, people walking and the assholes upstairs doing their P90X workout video. Usually I wake up. But no, I kept sleeping because something was trying to piss me off.
Fuck you, dream. I know I have this issue in real life. I’m working on it. You don’t need to taunt me about it in my sleep, when I should be resting. I mean, this shit’s horrifying. I’ve had nightmares (not recently – more as a kid) where aliens killed me, I was murdered, ghost haunted me, I was burned to death, dead people yelled at me for being an asshole, disasters, etc – you get the point. Those don’t bother me. This just annoyed the crap out of me. Then you wonder why I stay up all night…