Author: Portfolioso
On This Day In History
Today in history (1932): LouGehrigbecomes the first major league baseball player to hit four consecutive home runs in a single game, leading the New York Yankees to a 20-13 win over the Philadelphia (gross!) Athletics
Also, happy birthday to me! Great day to be a Yankee fan (even though they suck balls this season)
Bunch of Ballers over at Verizon: 300MBPS FiOS? JEEZ
This is some insane shit. Verizon’s got a good pair of balls just going around beling like “Ya know what? We’re gonna just increase everyone’s speeds for no reason.” They just roll like that. They increased my speeds like 12 times for no reason since I got it for the first time. Also, when I initially wrote about FiOS in 2004, I was drooling over 5/2 and 15/5. That’s pussy speed. My 4G is faster than that.
A big Fuck you to cable companies. Eat my asshole James Dolan! Suck it U-Verse. Way to go, Big Red. Finally making America’s shitty ass internetcomparabletoJapan, Taiwan or any of those other more civilized countries that have insane speeds. When I get my 150/65, I’ll post back in:
Note: This praise of Verizon DOES NOT extend to Verizon Wireless. Fuck that division. Fuck them for releasing shitty phones, having asinine CDMA phones no one else in the world uses, $30 upgrade fees, killing off unlimited data,for never releasing updates to Android phones and for bastardizing Android phones with bloated ass Verizon shitware apps.
If you get Bitten by a Poisonous snake because you Think the Bible Mandates you to Handle poisonous snakes to Test your Faith in God, then You Deserve to Die
Washington Post– Paraphrased: [Some asshole Christian preacher thought it would be a good idea to preach with a poisonous snake because if he were a good Christina, he wouldn’t get bitten and/or if he did get bitten, God would save him.]
You know, I read this article and was like… This is prime blogging material. It goes along with my Darwinism posts of “If you do X which is really stupid, then you deserve to die” posts. I have a few of those. This story is such a bunch of bullshit I can’t even write much about it. It’s not even worth my effort.
So you know what. You better hope God saved you…. in some other life because your asshole is dead, you ignorant bastard. Don’t you learn from your dad? Idiot. Fuckin guy died the same way. Fucking Pavlov’s dogs learned faster. It’s animal nature. If I eat this poison berry, I die. Welp, if your dad ate the poison berry, stay the fuck away. So if you don’t learn, get the fuck out of here.
Don’t they fucking teach you in the bible that the snake represents the devil? Asshole… So if you’re a dumb motherfucker that takes the Bible literally such as 7 day creation stories, talking asses, 6 million animals fit on a rickety wooden boat because God was so pissed he flooded the earth and that God will save you if a venomous snake bites your dick off and and if you’re a good person, then you won’t die… then so be it. Drop dead and get the fuck off my planet and stopbreathingmy air andpollutingC02because you’re an ignorant fool that clearly doesn’t deserve to live.
PS – that whole Noah’s Ark thing is the biggest bunch of mother fuckin’ bullshit I’ve heard in my life. I’ve always been taught God is forgiving and loving and compassionate. Yet two motherfuckers eat an apple and get their asses kicked and God floods the world because he wasn’t happy with how shitty everyone was behaving… Fuck that noise. Todayeveryone’sfucking eachotherby 8 years old and there’s killing, murdering, rape, poverty, wars and all this bullshit. Guess that’s better than eating a mother fucking apple. Asshole.
CUNCEL DA ELECTION
Welp, it’s pretty much a 99% chance that it’ll be the two morons Romney (who’s trying to run for president of Amercia) and Obama facing off in November… So cuncel da election. It’s HOPELESS.
The upside down flag doesn't mean anti-government, you fuck ups... It means a nation in distress. Which seems about where we're headed
PS – if you have no idea what cuncel means,read on, my friends
PPS – There’s no way Obama can lose this. Guaranteed. I’d bet anything on it.
If You Sue a School Because Your Son Was so Filthy, they Scrubbed Him Down, You Deserve to Lose Custody Your Kids
June 18, 2012
Rants
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Portfolioso
Judgment in favor of the teacher and the nurse! Now someone send in child protective services and take this fucking kid away from these unfit parents. The teacher and nurse did no wrong here. There’s a whole classroom full of innocent, clean kids and it’sdespicable for one lousy bastard to stink up the whole room.
These parents should be fucking ashamed of themselves. Don’t you smell your filthy assed kid? Fucking teach him to clean himself. No one wants to smell that shit. Not you, not the class, not the teachers. You’re essentially sentencing your son to ridicule and unpopularity. Why would you ever do that?
It’s like this greaseball Federico I went to middle school with. Father was rich as fuck and probably couldn’t give two shits about his son. Kid was a filthy fucking freak of nature that had no people skills at all. This fucking guy got sent to the nurse in 7th grade because he smelled like a fucking blooming onion. I remember one time I got detention because this guy was in my Home/Career Skills bullshit class and we were baking pound cake and this filthy motherfucker sneezed in the batter. I was like “ah fuck, I’m not eating this shit now” and got detention because the teacher heard me. But fuck that. I’ll take a weeks detention before I eat a sneezed up germ-ridden piece of cake sneezed on by some untouchable.
1) This is why I can never be a school teacher. My cousins and Danny and all these people get enjoyment from teaching snot-nosed, virus infested, whiny, smelly little shits all day. Not me, sir! 2) This is why I’m never having children. And if I do, they won’t smell like shit. Because my son needs to lay pipe like a motherfucker to make up for my tame assed lifestyle. And you don’t do that if you smell like shit.