Category: Rants
You’re an Idiot If You Drive a Car Into An Ocean
Yahoo– The road looked clear, at low tide – but the map forgot to show the 9 miles of water and mud between the island and the mainland. As the three drove their rented Hyundai Getz into Moreton Bay, they found the GPS device guiding them from a gravel road into thick mud. They tried to get back to solid ground, but as the tide rose they were forced to abandon their car. Passengers on passing ferries watched in amazement.
“It told us we could drive down there,” Yuzu Noda, 21, told the localBayside Bulletin. “It kept saying it would navigate us to a road. We got stuck . . . there’s lots of mud.”
I know Barstool covered this today, but it’s nothing new. I covered a similar story over a year ago.It’s Deja Vu all over again. Except this time, it makes more sense. It’s an Asian woman driving… Like are you serious? I don’t care if it’s low tide – you can’t see that you’re driving out into the middle of an ocean? What’s a road going to appear out of nowhere?
Idiot. Drown next time.
Dumbass Experts Over at LifeHacker Think They Know How to Send Back Food
Lifehacker– How to Send Back Food at a Restaurant Without Pissing Off Your Waiter:Explain the problem and ask for a solution. If the mistake was your fault (not reading the menu or misreading the menu), apologize and ask for a new dish. If it’s the waiter’s or kitchen’s fault, be nice. It helps to say something like, “I know this isn’t your fault, but this is undercooked.”
FUCK. THAT. NOISE. Want to know the portfolioso.com way of sending back food? Very simple. You don’t do it. Ever. Anyone see the movie Waiting? I don’t remember it because I saw it in college and I’m pretty sure I was drunk the whole time, but I’m pretty sure some dude shaved his pubes in someone’s food. Exactly. Don’t send back your fucking food – I don’t care how nice you are. I don’t care if you’re the Pope. Don’t like it? Suck it up, don’t eat it, tell everyone the restaurant sucks and don’t go back. Under no circumstances should you send back food if you don’t want it fucked with. This is like life lesson number 1.
I mean, unless you pull a rat or a lump of shit out of your food, I wouldn’t send it back. Even if that did happen, I’d be like, fuck you guys, there’s a rat tail or lump of shit in my food, you can keep it. And walk out.
You know how many times I order a medium burger and it’s medium-well? Like 7 times out of 10. If I sent it back every time, I’d have problems. Just deal with it and get over yourself, ya spoiled pricks.
Keep it Up, America!
I think we should do this to thepoliticianswho start these wars.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a war with Iran I need to lobby for, ASAP. They’re such a huge threat, you guys. I’m scared shitless right now.
Megaupload Is Really Going to Help the Government Get Their Files Back? Fuuuuuuuck Thatttttt!
March 19, 2012
Rants
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Portfolioso
Is this crazy bastard Kim Dotcom out of his mind? No, no, noooooo. If I were the Megaupload peeps, I’d never EVER give any government official their files back. I would not cooperate. They seized my shit? Let them figure out where and how to recover their pornfiles. Are you shitting me? First, the government raids me and now “oops – we have files there we need – can we just get those?” Abso-fucking-lutely not, assholes. Fuck off.
Suffer like you made everyone else suffer. Thousands of others had legit files there too. Just because a few people had some pirated shit doesn’t mean you shut the whole operation down. See this country is a bunch of bullshit – all this monitoring and seizing and shit. We’re not free anymore… Give us 200 years and it’s going to legit turn into Panem and the Hunger Games. Mark my words.