Category: Rants
Please Explain To Me Why We Need New Voting Machines
So I got this ridiculous mailing today explaining that we got new voting machines. So instead of the old school mechanical ones where you mark notches and pull a lever, we now have a fancy new pieces of shit that scan ballots.
What the fuck is this, school? I need to go fill out a Scantron sheet to fucking vote? Do you know how inconvenient that is? Let’s go BACKWARDS and pull out the pencil and paper technology. Oh but you need an expensive, sophisticated machine to scan it.
This is why the county is broke, they don’t fix the congested, un-lit highways with washboard pavement, but they spend millions on fancy digital voting machines that use old school ballots and scan paper. What was wrong with the old machines? Yes, they look like they were straight out of the 1960s, but whatever.
This is why I don’t vote. Because you end up voting for politicians to make stupid decisions like getting new voting machines.
PS – Fuck voting. All politicians suck, except maybe this dude.
Son of a Bitch Cat Slaps Dog in Face
See this is why cats suck. Here you have a dog just sitting there chilling, being a dog, doing dog stuff and this idiotic cat just comes along, pretends to be friendly and playful then out of nowhere slaps it in the face. Fucking sneaky cat. I hate cats.
Private Browsing Mode Increases During Lunch Time, People are Morons
Mozilla released usage metrics for Firefox today and Mashable publishes an article about how people switch to private browsing around lunch time. Five minutes Later, Gizmodo writes the same article, those copycats!
Guess what? People are fucking morons and don’t understand the internet. Switching to private browsing won’t protect you from shit at work. It protects the local history on your computer. Last I checked, you shouldn’t be letting anyone on your account anyway, so it doesn’t matter what history is there. Don’t you all know that WebSense/8e3 or whatever other blocking/monitoring software your employer has will see what pages you visit anyway*? No? Then you’re a dumb shit.
Read, Shitheads. It warns you every time
*Unless you use a tunnel, but you’re too stupid to do that. See, I can get around that shit with no problem, guaranteed.
A Bunch of Bullshit
Know what sucks?
- You get AJ Asshole yesterday who usually sucks, pitch a 1 run gem and lose 1-0 because no one can hit their way out of a paper bag
- Yankees lose with an idiot closer on the verge of blowing the save who can’t throw a ball anywhere in the ballpark, let alone around the plate. Seriously, that was the worst pitching I’ve seen in 3 years. The fact that he got out of the inning is a once in a lifetime miracle.
- I look like a speckled freak because I’m half burned, half bleeding, half blistered and all that crap. The sun sucks.
- I need to go to work tomorrow and figure out why the entire fucking library’s internet is out. I don’t have time to go troubleshooting internet connectivity when I need to have been pushing an image to 20 computers yesterday. Besides this, all the fucking network technicians are out this week. I know why it doesn’t work. It doesn’t help that the fucking switches are 10MBPS, 12 years old and configured wrong due to the fact that no one knows how to configure a fucking switch properly. Also, it doesn’t help that they’re all daisy chained with cat 5 among 20 computers. Christ.
- 6-9 record in August. Pathetic. Losing series, splitting series. Want to win a series sometimes? And you’re playing complete shit teams. Wait until you play good teams.
- Where is my Froyo? Why am I the last person left with a Droid to get this update? Speaking of Froyo, they fucked up the silent/vibrate settings. Apparently, you can only put it on vibrate and can’t make it totaly silent from the lock screen or from the volume down button. Seriously?
- Swisher, Berkman and A-Rod are all hurt tonight?, Pettite, along with designated DL Nick Johnson. What fucking idiot decided to get Nick Johnson? Absolutely pathetic. You used to call Carl Pavano the American Idle? Nick Johnson breaks down more than a 1987 Ford.
- I’m 0-3 at pong in Old Lyme. Thanks Christopher. AND to make matters worse, I was always the last hope and couldn’t come through in the clutch. Almost as good as the Yankees these days.
- You know what Derek Jeter’s problem is? He doesn’t throw the fucking water cooler like Paul O’Neill. Show those morons you’re pissed you grounded into a double play against a guy who can’t hit an elephant strike zone. I could have fucking walked against Valverde.
- If I see one more hot slut’s Facebook status say “omg 2 more weeks” (aka going back to college), I’m going to scream.
Ever Hear of Karma, You Stupid Fuck?
September 15, 2010
Rants, Sports
No Comments
Portfolioso
If you don’t know what happened, the ball hit the bat and Jeter fake pretended to get hit, grimaced in pain and then Granderson hit a 2 run home run right after that. It’s like an unearned RBI.
Let this be a lesson. Karma always bites you in the ass. This is straight out the Portfolioso School of Sports Analysis. KARMA. It’s a game changer. I don’t blame Hughes for giving up the home run. Hughes only gave up the home run because of Jeter. I don’t blame ARod and Tex for striking out in the 9th. Nope. This loss is all on Jeets. You fake one run in? You lose the game by one run.
I mean this was unheard of. Derek Jeter is one of the classiest men in sports. At first I thought this move was hysterical, but then I was like wait. I never expected Jeter to pull this phony acting scam. Sheffield maybe. Anyone on the Mets? Absolutely. It’s such a New York Mets thing to do, and that’s why we lost. The Derek Jeter of old would not have done this. But when you’re 53 years old, balding, getting married and hitting .260, I kind of see the desperation.
And then we wonder why Rays/Sox/Mets/Phillies fans hate us.
Yankees