Portfolioso.com Blog

Rank This Epic Voicemail

I got this epic voicemail on my phone and I cannot tell if it’s a prank or legit. It sounds pretty legit. If it is fake, props to whoever did it because it’s really good. I was impressed. But if it’s real, someone got themselves into some serious shit.

Have a listen – it’s a great laugh:

So why is this person calling me out by name? 1) it’s a prank. 2) It’s a coincidence or 3) My name is in my greeting. Was this random, or someone I know.

Vote 1 if this is obviously a prank and Vote 10 if the goons are going to come after me.

[ratings]

T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame

I am in the middle of clearing out clutter from my room and the only thing that’s running through my head is “T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame” As a matter of fact, it’s such an epic story that it deserves a blog post.

When I was working over at the district this past summer, there’s this epic custodian named Lincoln who’s the illest motherfucker around. Guy is the shit. Blackest man I know. This is a guy who was weeks away from retirement and didn’t give two shits about anything – ripping cigs in the middle of elementary school hallways, straight up loungin’, shit talking his bosses. His title? Master electrician. Someone get me a job with the title Master________. How sweet is that?

So I’m in this dirt pit dungeon/ fallout shelter with the $heep where all of our old equipment is piled before it goes out to dumpsters. Our task for the day is to cart piles of rusted, dirt encrusted computer speakers and keyboards to the dumpsters outside. So we load up a cart full of all this garbange, take three steps into the hallway and this bro is just sitting outside, obviously not working. So we walk by him hauling all this shit to the dumpster and and he just starts laughing and out of the blue shouts out: “T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame?”

I don’t get it. Where did the word same come from? Anyway, it’s probably not funny for anyone reading this, but if you heard it, it was an instant gem.

So now every time I get rid of stuff, I say that out loud in a Jamaican accent.

Do My Images Align in Google Reader/ RSS feeds?

This is just a test post. I use Google Reader to read all of my RSS news from many different sites around the internets. Then I have this blog on there, and whenever I post stuff with images, they align like an asshole. So I think I fixed it, but it probably won’t work because I think I tried this fix last time and it didn’t so I was just like “to hell with Bill.” Nah that’s what Jay said. While on the roof. Ya know? Ya gotta joke around in this fuckin place. Hey if you don’t know what I’m talking about, oh well.

So yeah, this is a new paragraph. Don’t read this post, it makes no sense. it’s more of a test. And if you read this blog with Google Reader or any other RSS reader, let me know if that happy ass dude on the side is aligned left. Because that would be choice.

Oh one other thing. No lie, I colored the image to the left with my own right hand. Mad skills yo. Looks pimp, except for the shirt. That marker dried out so it looks like arss. And I know I went out of the lines on the sleeve. I tried to do a t-shirt thing but whatever.

To quote Lincoln (not Abe Lincoln, a much blacker Lincoln): “Throwing out dee old shit, same?”

Oh and stop putting your shit on the desktop. There’s an H:/ networked drive for a reason (read: you won’t lose your shit when I upgrade shit).

Problem, officer?

EDIT: And the answer. No they don’t. Fuckin A, B, C, D and E.

I Need to Marry the Shit out of this Girl

It’s confirmed fake, but wouldn’t it be nice:

TheChive – We received the following photos last night from a person who works with this girl. Her name is Jenny (not confirmed) – we’re working our contact for Jenny’s last name. Yesterday morning, Jenny quit her job with a (flash)bang by emailing these photos to the entire office, about 20 employees we’re told. Awesome doesn’t begin to describe this office heroine. Check back as we will be updating if we get more details.

This girl is brilliant. There’s nothing that I love more than sweet revenge, and this is a great way to do it – a human comic strip ripping on your boss, calling him an asshole and quitting. This is the ultimate fuck you to your boss. Seriously – click on the story and flip through the pictures – it’s epic. At first she’s got the whole glasses thing which is good in my book. However – the very last picture – bam new outfit, tight ass jorts, hair down, contacts and the “I’m moving on” message.

Absolutely called this hypocrite boss out for logging everyone’s internet access, yet he spends half his day doing nothing.

Potato sack girl to the max (Basically a girl that you just want to throw a bag over and marry the shit out of).

PS – how fucking dumb is this boss? Who gives the access codes of all the web histories of all employees, including yourself to some little cutesy assistant. And when she answers your calls, you pick up the line and talk about her while she could still be listening? Keep it in your head bro. Plus, you’re probably like 37 and old as fuck and have no chance with her anyway.

PS again – Asshole boss can’t even configure his software so it doesn’t monitor him. What a jokeshow.

Blah blah blah it’s fake. Still would have been badass if it were true. I was kind of skeptical since the original email wasn’t released (even that could be faked and no details were mentioned)