Tag: darwin awards
If You Superglue Your Eyes Closed, You Deserve to Go Blind
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juAQrZQY59E&feature=player_embedded#
How fucking old, blind and stupid do you have to be to put super glue in your eyes instead of eye drops. How is that even possible? Don’t you store them in different locations? Like don’t the eyedrops go in the medicine cabinet or with all of the medical things? Or, why put superglue with your medical stuff, that should go in your hardware drawer. Organization you old crone. I can be fucking blind and I can tell you the difference between superglue and eye drops. Now the FDA is looking into the situation and will probably force these glue makers to get crazy new packaging, all because some old bitch glued her eyeballs shut like an asshole.
My favorite part of the whole article: “I’m not young anymore, but I’m not senile.” Listen you old bat, anyone who fucking confuses a bottle of superglue with eyedrops is not mentally all there. Period
If You Follow Your GPS Into a Lake, You Deserve to Die
Gizmodo – According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a 37-yo Senegalese man died when his car fell into a lake near the town of Capilla, Badajoz. According to his companionwho survived the accidentthe driver was following the GPS directions when the car fell into the water, sinking in just a few minutes.
According to amateur blog portfolioso.com, a 37-yo Sengalese man is a fucking idiot. If you are stupid enough to follow your GPS into a lake, you’re a damn moron and you need to be eliminated to improve the intelligence of the gene pool here on earth. It’s social Darwinism at it’s finest.
Pay the fuck attention you stupid idiot. You’re driving on a windy, dangerous, unfamiliar road – go slower. Last I checked, your GPS doesn’t drive your car for you. If you drove it off a road, you’re the one with the wheel and pedal asshole. So don’t give me any of this “oh it’s dark, it’s windy” bull, it’s 100% his fault. Could the GPS have been wrong? Yes, but it’s a machine – you use it to help you, not control you. Sorry but it’s called situational awareness. Very important.
So tell me who this schmuck fuckface companion is who survived? Another fucking idiot. What the hell was he doing when his friend was busy driving off a cliff – lounging? If they were in an unknown dark area, you think he’d be an extra set of eyes? You think he be screaming at his friend to stop driving like a maniac on some windy road with no divider and a huge drop into a lake.. Shame that guy walked away. Another moron who needs his genes of this planet.
I love reading these stories on the internet because it’s great ripping on these people. Obviously I’m 100% right. It’s like that fucking idiot who got run over following Google’s walking directions. Probably sued Google for like $300 million too.
PS – If you saw this post like 6 times on your news reader, I messed up. API tests/ reposting/ Twitter problems. Sorry
If you get run over following Google’s walking directions, you deserve to die
A Utah woman used Google Maps’ walking directions on her Blackberry and was given directions to walk onto a highway. She got hit and is now suing Google for damages. –Fortune
People who sue Google because they get run over by a car while following walking directions deserve to die. Period. What you don’t do is live and then sue Google. Can’t this idiot see the HUGE warning disclaimer that the directions are in beta and to use caution? Apparently not. Besides, what pedestrian walks on a highway? I don’t care if Google told me to jump off a cliff – you need to pay attention to your surroundings. It’s like that fucking idiot who followed his GPS onto railroad tracks, then bitched when he got hit by a train. If Google loses this lawsuit, I’m going to kill a kitten.
Social Darwinism – if you are too stupid to pay attention, we don’t want your genes on this planet.
If You Die Because Your Gas Pedal Gets Stuck, You Deserve to Die
I’m sure you’re aware of the recent Toyota and Lexus recall, because the accelerator gets stuck, which is a hazard. Yes, this is not very safe, but if you die in a crash because of this, you’re an absolute Darwin Award winning dumbass. Read on…
Mechanics 101, people. Your accelerator gets stuck – what do you do? Put the stupid ass car in neutral you dunces! It’s not rocket science. The engine will continue revving, but it’s not in gear and it will no longer accelerate. Then you simply put on the hazards, pull over to the side of the road, unstick the pedal, and carry on. This isn’t the friggin space shuttle.
I give this scenario to a few people, and many say – oh shut the car off. I mean – that kind of works, but then you lose power steering and power brakes, which can be dangerous if you’re a weak ass. And on some old cars, the wheel locks and then you’re screwed. Now listen to this stupidity:
What you don’t do is call 911 and panic like a fucking idiot. That gets you killed. Rather than worrying about stopping your vehicle, you pull out a cell phone, distract yourself and take the time to make a call. Are you a dumbass? Anyone who cannot follow one of the two simple procedures above should not be driving. This idiot is now dead. That’s fine, because he was a moron, but here’s what’s worse: he also killed his wife, daughter and brother-in-law. To make matters even worse, he was a California highway patrol officer! Are you serious? You’re supposed to know about highway safety, and you’re over there going 125MPH and can’t figure out how to stop. The 911 dispatch says “and you don’t have the ability to turn the vehicle off or anything?” (first off, that wasn’t the best advice, but that’s fine). Stuff like this makes me rage when I read it.
Edit: Crayzeesheep just made a great point: Where are the brother-in-law and wife during this issue? You think one of those fools would think of a solution? there are three minds working on this problem, and no one can solve it. Jeez
Don’t get me wrong. I know people panic. I do understand that if you’re in traffic, pulling out of a driveway or are on a local road, it may be hard to react in time to stop the car. But the worst that can happen is a pain in the ass crash. It’s probably not that fast and you’ll live. In that case, you’re forgiven. But if you’re on a highway and manage to accelerate to 125MPH, you sir are a dumbass and had plenty of time to solve your problem
Fucking Idiot Sells Kidney For iPad 2
June 2, 2011
Rants
No Comments
Portfolioso
This has to be fake, right? Or is someone really this idiotic? I have no further comment other than: sell your second kidney while you’re at it. I’m sure the person who received the kidney is more worthy of living than an idiot who starts chopping himself up for some fanboy device which is going to be obsolete by the end of the year.
PS – 20,000 yuan is like $3,000. You got robbed bro! Kidneys are going for like 80 grand on the black market. At least get your price asshole!I love Social Darwinism. If people like this kill themselves off for a stupid little device, the world will be a better place.
darwin awardsStupidity