Portfolioso.com Blog

Cancel The Playoffs

My computer literally froze solid when I Googled this shithead.

Might as well cancel the postseason right now because the Yankees won’t be getting anywhere, guaranteed. I’ve been saying it for a while now. It wasn’t looking good for the Yanks to take the AL East because they only way they could have won the division was if the Rays lost and the Yankees won. Well guess what, the Rays are losing right now. But you have Joe’s Double A joketeam playing over in Boston losing their asses off. The Rays are trying to give the Yanks the damn division and they can’t even win one ballgame. Just one more – that’s all I ask. Nope, enjoy the wildcard you assholes. Not even good enough to win a division. What a disaster.

There is only one man to blame, and that’s A.J Burnett for being a worthless shitpile this entire season. Take your fucking 10-15 record with a 5.26 ERA and leave. Go to the dirty hick south where you fit in better. Because even if he had 5 fewer losses, the Yankees would be in first and much better off than they are now. AJ, you just won the portfolioso.com get the fuck off my team award. And I rarely hate on individual players that much, so that’s an honor. No one likes you. Seriously, anyone watch the Yankees celebrating when they clinched the wild card? Guy was already halfway out of the stadium before the first bottle was popped. Obviously, nothing for him to celebrate since he caused more harm than good this season. The guy is a fucking psychopath. Always in a bad mood, crazy bitch etc. The only reason he’s pitching like shit is because he’s a looney. And if you put this disasterface on the mound in October, forget about it.

P.S – I never blogged about his black eye a few weeks ago which neither he nor Girardi would address. Obviously that mean’s it was shameful and hush hush. Here are some of my theories.

• Bar fight (I’m almost 97% certain this has to be it)
• Drunken fall on his face
• Drunk car crash
• Any of the above, except replace alcohol with heroin
• Wife punched him in self defense
• Jorge Posada punched him after he requested Cervelli to catch a game
• He punched himself in the face for pitching like crap
• What did I miss? So many fun possibilities.

Normally, I’d say thank God for football, but it’s obvious that the Bears are going to vom all over the slumping Giants tonight. So, I’ll be looking forward to Dexter and Boardwalk Empire.

And will somebody shut these fucking kids up outside. I wasn’t that noisy when I was 6. They’re like 6 houses away and they’re still annoying the shit out of me. Are pogo sticks supposed to be that loud?

The Yankees…

…are a fucking train wreck right now. Seriously, they just find ways to lose. It’s getting out of control.

• 3-7 in their last 10 games
• 4 game losing streak
• Pettite is still a week away
• The offense is useless
• You have Swisher and Gardener out with injuries
• When they don’t have aces like CC throwing 8 shutout (and managing to lose that game), they have psychopaths like Burnett giving up 14 runs
• The offense can’t hit a fuckin beach ball with a tennis racket.
• Jeter is like 95 and forgot how to hit some baseballs
• Where are all of our walkoffs this year?
• Might as well move the team to Scranton because who the fuck is Colin Curtis, Greg Golson and Kevin Russo and why are they on my team in September when we have a fucking playoff race to win?

“Typical Yankee fan, complaining when the team still has a .608 winning percentage” Yeah – in any other division, it would be over. But the is the AL East. This is where the big boys play (maybe not the Sox because they just suck this year). And right now, the Yankees are liable to finish in third place at the rate they’re going.

I mean a 1-0 pitcher’s duel between CC and Price completely wasted because you have your joke bullpen giving up walk offs all week long. I just watched the team get walked off against three times this week, which is more than I remember all of last year. It’s pretty safe to assume that if the Yankees are on the road in extra innings, it’s an automatic loss these days.

I can’t even really blame the Yankees that badly. You have Mo blowing saves, which is rare. You have Burnett going 6 or 7 giving up 4 runs and losing (which is a start because any time he gives up less than 5 runs in the first two innings is miraculous). So the pieces are there, they’re just not fitting.

At this point it’s pretty clear they won’t be getting anywhere in the playoffs. Mark my words right now. I don’t see that spark I saw last year. Last year was magic, you could just tell in July that the team was going all the way. Now? Not so much.

Introducing the Yankees’ New One Man Rotation

C.C Sabbathia. The only man you can count on these days. Everyone else blows (minus pettite, who’s hurt)

Now for the B team:

• Burnett – Sucks. He’s a fucking head case. Guy is an absolute nutter. Crazy. Wacko. His awful pitching is based on him being in a bad mood.
• Hughes – Not consistent. Can be really good, but I’m not impressed. And F you Hughes. I’m playing Big Red in fantasy this week. I start Hughes, he pitches like shit and I get like 2 points. Big Red starts Mosely and gets like 30 points. Something’s wrong here.
• Mosely – Not half bad, but you can’t get through the playoffs with half of Scranton-Wilkes Barre playing major league games.
• Nova – He doesn’t go (Spanish anyone?) Kid was on the verge of getting blown out but got lucky. Not a bad debut. But this is the Yankees, I don’t want to see AAA no names.

Then you get Javier Vazquez who is God awful. He started the season awful, then he god decent, now he sucks again and gets pulled from the rotation, making relief appearanced out of the bullpen. This is a fucking disaster. It’s a miracle this team is the best in baseball. This is what happens when you didn’t get Cliff Lee like I said they should have before the trading deadline.

And Hal, what the fuck was that about getting Nick Johnson? Guy played like 3 games and ended the season. He just had surgery again. Get the FUCK off my team, what the hell are we paying you for? You’re useless.

PS – Toronto, what the hell is with the Yankees Suck chant? No rivalry going on there.

The Yankee Bullpen Can Suck It

Except for Mo, because he’s a legend. Fuck Joba.Way to come in and spoil Burnett’s shutout through 6 2/3. I mean the guy finally got over his problems and threw a gem and can’t even get the win because some over-hyped drunk driving Indian from Nebraska was good for two weeks then started pitching like a shithead. Joba has been shit lately. Then you get Robertson who’s good for a run or two. And most importantly, fuck Chan Ho Park. He has diarrhea and can’t get a man out. Comes in, walks the bases loaded, strikes a guy out like a tease, then gives up a double. Seriously – every day the Yankees bullpen just throws games away.

Oh and FUCK the entire offense who can’t score runs off of shit teams like the Mariners and Blue Jays.

Thanks for wasting my afternoon. I was going to go bike riding, but held of to watch these fucking assholes lose in 11 innings. I’m still going biking. But now I’m pissed.