Year: 2010
Cancel The Playoffs
My computer literally froze solid when I Googled this shithead.
Might as well cancel the postseason right now because the Yankees won’t be getting anywhere, guaranteed. I’ve been saying it for a while now. It wasn’t looking good for the Yanks to take the AL East because they only way they could have won the division was if the Rays lost and the Yankees won. Well guess what, the Rays are losing right now. But you have Joe’s Double A joketeam playing over in Boston losing their asses off. The Rays are trying to give the Yanks the damn division and they can’t even win one ballgame. Just one more – that’s all I ask. Nope, enjoy the wildcard you assholes. Not even good enough to win a division. What a disaster.
There is only one man to blame, and that’s A.J Burnett for being a worthless shitpile this entire season. Take your fucking 10-15 record with a 5.26 ERA and leave. Go to the dirty hick south where you fit in better. Because even if he had 5 fewer losses, the Yankees would be in first and much better off than they are now. AJ, you just won the portfolioso.com get the fuck off my team award. And I rarely hate on individual players that much, so that’s an honor. No one likes you. Seriously, anyone watch the Yankees celebrating when they clinched the wild card? Guy was already halfway out of the stadium before the first bottle was popped. Obviously, nothing for him to celebrate since he caused more harm than good this season. The guy is a fucking psychopath. Always in a bad mood, crazy bitch etc. The only reason he’s pitching like shit is because he’s a looney. And if you put this disasterface on the mound in October, forget about it.
P.S – I never blogged about his black eye a few weeks ago which neither he nor Girardi would address. Obviously that mean’s it was shameful and hush hush. Here are some of my theories.
- Bar fight (I’m almost 97% certain this has to be it)
- Drunken fall on his face
- Drunk car crash
- Any of the above, except replace alcohol with heroin
- Wife punched him in self defense
- Jorge Posada punched him after he requested Cervelli to catch a game
- He punched himself in the face for pitching like crap
- What did I miss? So many fun possibilities.
Normally, I’d say thank God for football, but it’s obvious that the Bears are going to vom all over the slumping Giants tonight. So, I’ll be looking forward to Dexter and Boardwalk Empire.
And will somebody shut these fucking kids up outside. I wasn’t that noisy when I was 6. They’re like 6 houses away and they’re still annoying the shit out of me. Are pogo sticks supposed to be that loud?
T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame
I am in the middle of clearing out clutter from my room and the only thing that’s running through my head is “T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame” As a matter of fact, it’s such an epic story that it deserves a blog post.
When I was working over at the district this past summer, there’s this epic custodian named Lincoln who’s the illest motherfucker around. Guy is the shit. Blackest man I know. This is a guy who was weeks away from retirement and didn’t give two shits about anything – ripping cigs in the middle of elementary school hallways, straight up loungin’, shit talking his bosses. His title? Master electrician. Someone get me a job with the title Master________. How sweet is that?
So I’m in this dirt pit dungeon/ fallout shelter with the $heep where all of our old equipment is piled before it goes out to dumpsters. Our task for the day is to cart piles of rusted, dirt encrusted computer speakers and keyboards to the dumpsters outside. So we load up a cart full of all this garbange, take three steps into the hallway and this bro is just sitting outside, obviously not working. So we walk by him hauling all this shit to the dumpster and and he just starts laughing and out of the blue shouts out: “T’rowin’ Out De Ole Shit Saaaaame?”
I don’t get it. Where did the word same come from? Anyway, it’s probably not funny for anyone reading this, but if you heard it, it was an instant gem.
So now every time I get rid of stuff, I say that out loud in a Jamaican accent.
Ever Hear of Karma, You Stupid Fuck?
I just want to say that tonight’s loss is 100% Derek Jeter’s fault. I’d bet everything I own that if he didn’t pull this acting scam, the Yankees win the game. Guaranteed.
If you don’t know what happened, the ball hit the bat and Jeter fake pretended to get hit, grimaced in pain and then Granderson hit a 2 run home run right after that. It’s like an unearned RBI.
Let this be a lesson. Karma always bites you in the ass. This is straight out the Portfolioso School of Sports Analysis. KARMA. It’s a game changer. I don’t blame Hughes for giving up the home run. Hughes only gave up the home run because of Jeter. I don’t blame ARod and Tex for striking out in the 9th. Nope. This loss is all on Jeets. You fake one run in? You lose the game by one run.
I mean this was unheard of. Derek Jeter is one of the classiest men in sports. At first I thought this move was hysterical, but then I was like wait. I never expected Jeter to pull this phony acting scam. Sheffield maybe. Anyone on the Mets? Absolutely. It’s such a New York Mets thing to do, and that’s why we lost. The Derek Jeter of old would not have done this. But when you’re 53 years old, balding, getting married and hitting .260, I kind of see the desperation.
And then we wonder why Rays/Sox/Mets/Phillies fans hate us.
The Yankees…
…are a fucking train wreck right now. Seriously, they just find ways to lose. It’s getting out of control.
- 3-7 in their last 10 games
- 4 game losing streak
- Pettite is still a week away
- The offense is useless
- You have Swisher and Gardener out with injuries
- When they don’t have aces like CC throwing 8 shutout (and managing to lose that game), they have psychopaths like Burnett giving up 14 runs
- The offense can’t hit a fuckin beach ball with a tennis racket.
- Jeter is like 95 and forgot how to hit some baseballs
- Where are all of our walkoffs this year?
- Might as well move the team to Scranton because who the fuck is Colin Curtis, Greg Golson and Kevin Russo and why are they on my team in September when we have a fucking playoff race to win?
“Typical Yankee fan, complaining when the team still has a .608 winning percentage” Yeah – in any other division, it would be over. But the is the AL East. This is where the big boys play (maybe not the Sox because they just suck this year). And right now, the Yankees are liable to finish in third place at the rate they’re going.
I mean a 1-0 pitcher’s duel between CC and Price completely wasted because you have your joke bullpen giving up walk offs all week long. I just watched the team get walked off against three times this week, which is more than I remember all of last year. It’s pretty safe to assume that if the Yankees are on the road in extra innings, it’s an automatic loss these days.
I can’t even really blame the Yankees that badly. You have Mo blowing saves, which is rare. You have Burnett going 6 or 7 giving up 4 runs and losing (which is a start because any time he gives up less than 5 runs in the first two innings is miraculous). So the pieces are there, they’re just not fitting.
At this point it’s pretty clear they won’t be getting anywhere in the playoffs. Mark my words right now. I don’t see that spark I saw last year. Last year was magic, you could just tell in July that the team was going all the way. Now? Not so much.
Portfolioso.com Blog Twitter API Test
October 5, 2010
Useless Update, Website Related
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Portfolioso
Okay, so If I had long ass titles, my links wouldn’t auto tweet from this blog, so I added the bit.ly API and it should shorten the URL now. Blah blah blah no one understands tech these days.