Month: November 2011

I Called It! Google Is FINALLY Getting Rid of that Black StupidBar

Portfolioso November 29, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related

Fucking Google. I love them to death but they recently hired a bunch of colorblint hipster jokefests as UI designers because they pretty much ruined Google Reader and Gmail. Completely devoid of color.

Anyway, these biddies should listen to me because I obviously know it all. Months ago I blogged about how shitty that black navigation bar is. Welp, today they announced that they’re getting rid of it. No shit? Since when did an ugly black eyesore of a toolbar become part of Googles UI?

Portfolioso: 1
Google: 0

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSIMpFfNLEA

Son Of a Bitch Apple Fanboy Says Galaxy Nexus is a Piece of Shit

Portfolioso November 28, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants ,

Gigaom – While I most often use an iPhone as my primary mobile device, I’m not an Android-hater by any means.

tl;dr […]

But in terms of the average smartphone user’s priorities right now, I still believe the iPhone 4S is the superior device. The iOS web browsing experience is still better (text rendering is better, the interface is more usable, and double-tap zooming is a necessity for one-hand browsing), text looks better all around, it has a much better camera for capturing mobile memories, and with iOS 5, notifications provide exactly the right kind of information exactly where you want it.

width=
Jerks off to Apple Products

Fuck this guy . This is your typical fucking hipster piece of shit Apple fanboy. How did I ever guess that the Galaxy Nexus is perceived to be a complete shitpile in the eyes of an Apple fanboy. Is there anything Android can do to impress these people? Nope.

Guess what dumbshit – Android does have double tap zooming. I can argue this guy point by point, but it’s a waste of my time because 85% of people who read my blog honestly don’t know anything about technology.

My point is that I haven’t even seen the Galaxy Necus in person and I guarantee you that the hardware is better than the iPhone 4s. I guarantee you Android 4.0 is as polished as iOS. I’m not saying the 4S is bad – just that once you’re an Apple fanboy, you’re too arrogant to admit that anything else is better,

I bet if Apple boxed up a pile of horse shit and called it the iPhone 5, fanboys would still say it was better than the Galaxy Nexus. Give me a break!

Anyone Who Goes Black Friday Shopping is Out of their Minds

Portfolioso November 25, 2011 No Comments Useless Update

Danny IMs me last night and was like “bro come out shopping with us.” And I’m like “Dude. What are you a woman? What are you some kind of moron?”  Seriously. I just got home from eating all day. I took like 5 shits, broke my chair because I’m fat and gained like 73 pounds.

But in all honesty… Who goes Black Friday shopping? F that noise. Bunch of savages pepper spraying each other, stampeding each other to the death and just straight up occupying all of the stores like homeless. There’s no way in hell you’ll find me out in that war zone. It’s called Cyber Monday. You go on newegg.com and buy all of your shit without getting off your ass. Tax free. Fuck paying tax because fuck all kinds of government – they all suck.

Then John sent me a chat on the Google machine and I swear, it changed my mind in 2 seconds flat:

If I didn’t have to work, I would have gone, just for the party. I still wouldn’t have bought anything. Online. Duh.

More Reasons the MTA Doesn’t Make Any Sense Whatsoever

Portfolioso November 25, 2011 1 Comment Rants

Just got this subway alert. What a fucking joke. Someone is sick at 42nd st, so we’re going to skip stations in between 42nd and 14th st. Oh and while we’re at it, we’re not going to go past 86th St because we’re lazies. Does this make ANY sense whatsoever?

Stop Bashing the Galaxy Nexus

Portfolioso November 21, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

If you didn’t notice, I’ve been without a smartphone for about a month. Going from a smartphone to an ENV3 basically makes me want to kill myself. Such a first world problem… I had a Droid (which was a laggard, slow piece of shit) and decided not to replace it because this fucking phone was supposed to come out on October 10th but was in actuality delayed until (maybe) December 8th. So I was like “oh – it’s not worth spending money if I’m getting a new one anyway.” WRONG. I need this phone like I need oxygen. I would do very shameful things for this phone. For example,  if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Selena Gomez, I’d probably pass that up for this phone. On the bright side, I save $30 on a data plan, which I’m pretty sure is equivalent to about 3 minutes at the bar…

Anyway… 96% of people are saying this is the most wonderful device in existence and Android 4.0 is amazing and all that shit. But these are the complaints I’m reading about:

It Only has a 5MP Camera, not 8, 16, 32 etc…
Who cares. It’s about the sensor, not the megapixels. It takes pics in low light and takes them without shutter lag. Enjoy.

It has Pentile Pixels or some shit and the screen sucks
Get your fucking eyes examined. Can you really tell the difference, you Apple fanboy piece of shit.

But it Doesn’t Have Adobe Flash
Fuck flash. No one wants this shit slowing down my phone, killing my battery and displaying ads all in my grillmix. Adobe Flash is a piece of shit, and it’s rightfully dying and being replaced with HTML5. Occupy Flash!

There’s a Volume Bug
Shut up. Pretty sure some asshole at Google/Samsung/Verizon will fix this before it’s out, because I’ll be 37 by that time.

Face Unlock Sucks and Never Works
No one cares.

It doesn’t have Siri
I don’t have conversations with fucking machines. I talk to people. So suck it.

No SD card?
Neither does an iPhone. No one cares. SD cards are slow.

 

In Conclusion
Shut the fuck up. All tech bloggers are assholes.  Remember how Apple release the iPhone 4 that dropped calls just because you held your phone in your hand. Exactly. Shit happens. No go to bed.

 

PS – I’m going to run a naked lap around my block with this fucking phone when it comes out. Why? Because it won’t come out. And if if it ever does, chances are it won’t.

PS Again – I’m taking a shower. My feet smell.

Page 1 of 3