Month: July 2012

Consuela

Portfolioso July 23, 2012 No Comments Useless Update

Consuela/kohn-SWAY-luh/

verb.  (1) To clean; make free from dirt, grime or mess

noun. (2) A maid or housekeeper

Usage:

  • I consuela’d your cup because it was getting crusty
  • You need to consuela your room, I can’t see the floor
  • I need a Consuela to get this shit out of my carpet

Eddie Vedder, Sing Me to Sleep

Portfolioso July 11, 2012 No Comments Music, Useless Update

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All homo

The fact that it’s this late and I’m answeing Kristin’s fucking work emails and not pounding beers and singing Betterman at the top of my lungs with Mikey and Mals while playing up and down the river is some fucking bullshit right now

I have No Mercy For People Who Kill Themselves on Train Tracks and Delay My Commute

Portfolioso July 10, 2012 No Comments Rants

CT Post –  The man struck and killed Saturday by a Metro-North train behind the Kings Highway Stop & Shop supermarket had been lying on the tracks, officials said Sunday. Michael Leary, 51, of New Milford, was killed instantly when an eastbound train struck him at 6:26 p.m., Metropolitan Transportation Authority spokesman Salvatore Arena said. Leary was pronounced dead at the scene by the state medical examiner. He was identified by personal documents found on his body. On June 6, Leary had been issued a summons by MTA Police for trespassing on the Metro-North tracks at the same spot where he was killed Saturday, Arena said. Saturday’s train was packed with about 350 passengers who were delayed for 90 minutes while authorities investigated at the scene of the fatality.

 

This never happened to me, but God fobid it ever does because I’d lose it. Fuck you Michael Leary. These motherfuckers get off too easily. Fucking… If you want to kill yourself, suffocate yourself with a plastic bag, slit your jugular or wrists, drown yourself (but not off a bridge to stop traffic), lock yourself in a garage and start your car and die of CO positioning… Whatever. But don’t you fucking dare inconvenience other people you selfish mother fucker. I’m sorry. If some fuckface kills himself and I have to get delayed 90 minutes on a train, that’s some bullshit.

Instead of dying, you should be paralyzed for life so you can think about how miserable you are and how you inconvenienced 350 people for 90 minutes. That’s 31,500  minutes (21.5 days) of people’s time you wasted. You know what the MTA should do? Drive over the asshole and clean up their tracks overnight when there are no trains and fuck it. Just dump the body in a river mafioso style and go on their merry way. Dying instantly is too easy of a punishment for this asshole. Because I have no mercy for people who waste my time.

#ihavefuckingangerissuesrightnowsogofuckyourself

Verizon’s Android WiFi Remote App is Some Shady Shit

Portfolioso July 7, 2012 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related ,

I was working on an Android app and using the debugger which lists every event that goes on on my phone and I noticed a process called com.verizon.android.wifios. This process belongs to Verizon FiOS Mobile Remote, which is a remote replacement and DVR manager for FiOS TV.

Every time I killed it from the debugger, it would re-launch. I also noticed it has this thing called vzAnalytics, which looks like it reports phone stats back to them. The best part is that Verizon lied about the email address they provided in the market. I emailed it and it bounced. Assholes. I might uninstall this

Stop Asking Me About Work When I Get Home

Portfolioso July 5, 2012 No Comments Rants

When I get home from work, I’m fucking exhausted and over it. I don’t need the people who are home with me asking me details about my day because I don’t fucking want to answer them or talk about work. The only time I will talk about work is if you ask me if I want to have a threesome with Elise and Malori, and in that case the answer is yes. Other than that, I’m home now and don’t want to talk about work. The following questions are bullshit and irrelevant to you. The shit is monotonous, so let me answer them once and for all

  • Was it busy today?
    • Yes it was fucking busy you idiot. I do everything for those fuckers. I eat, sleep and dream work. I’m on call 24/7.  I am the grand architect of next generation infrastructure. God forbid some shit breaks, my life is basically over until that shit is stable again.
  • Who was off today?
    • Who gives a fuck. Do you know them?
  •  What’s going on tomorrow?
    • Who gives a fuck.
  •  Did you have any meetings?
    • Yes. Why wouldn’t I have fucking meetings.
  • Will you be late tomorrow?
    • Yes. The Subways run like fucking shit.

For real. Go talk about something else.

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