Year: 2012
Is This The Best Voicemail Ever, or is this the Best Voicemail Ever?
I pissed my pants listening to this voicemail. This is an absolute gem. I love the commentary and the yelling in the background and the thought process.
Points covered (you should really listen first through):
- Young Joseph, here’s the deal:
- Say your’re wrestling a bear… A big fucking grizzly bear
- You have two M60 firecrackers and a ???? and a Magnum condom
- You can fuck the bear if you want. It’s not recommended
- That bear will fuck you up
- That bear is hungry as fuck
- Don’t fuck the bear
- Everyone is recommending that you don’t fuck the bear because that bear is hungry as fuck and will fuck you up.
- You have two M80s, a canteen of water and a wine cooler
- You could wine and dine the bear, then you can fuck it but I don’t suggest it
- If you fuck a bear, that’s pretty cool and if you put that on Facebook, people will like that shit
- I changed my mind, you fuck that fuckin bear. I will like that shit
- I will share that shit
- Joe, I changed my mind. You fuck that fuckin bear.
- I want you to fuck this bear like a fuckin animal. Well, it doesn’t make sense because a bear is a kind of is an animal
- Granted, the bear will probably eat you
Something Intelligent People Should Know, Especially People Who Took Bio
Not to call anyone out by name, but there was a tweet or two I read on Twitter that made me vomit, and this was before I took house shots of whiskey. Yes, I am going call a few people out…
Fucking… How do you not know male cows didn’t produce milk? WHAT? Like youJUST realized they didn’t do this at like 24 years old? Fuckin nursing degrees and shit? Motherless male cows are mother fucking mammals. Fucking male humans are mammals. You don’t see me squirting milk out of my titties. Do you know any guys that fuckin breastfeed babies and shit? Hells NO. Same goes for cows.
Read this mother fuckin book, then take bio 101 or like 3rd grade science. God damn it. I’m a fucking tech guy and even I knew this shit. Jesus fucking Christ.This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve seen since George W. Bush took office.
Yes, I’m mean. Yes I’m a dick. I’m an asshole. Sorry I’m not sorry. I just like science. If you don’t like it, blow me and if you don’t want to do that, someone smarter will.
It’s a Fucking Insult that Jeter and Cano Won Silver Sluggers
November 9, 2012
Rants, Sports
No Comments
Portfolioso
You’re shitting me, right? Listen. I don’t care how good your season was. I don’t care if you hit .600 from April-September. The fact that these two jokers hit like .090 combined in the postseason should automatically be grounds for disqualification. Silver slugger your ballsack. When you have such a power hitting team that gets shut down like morons in the playoffs, your year was a joke. So no awards. Kicks in the asses instead.
Pick some other jokeface who can hit a damn ball when it matters.