Year: 2012

If you get Bitten by a Poisonous snake because you Think the Bible Mandates you to Handle poisonous snakes to Test your Faith in God, then You Deserve to Die

May 30, 2012

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Washington Post– Paraphrased: [Some asshole Christian preacher thought it would be a good idea to preach with a poisonous snake because if he were a good Christina, he wouldn’t get bitten and/or if he did get bitten, God would save him.]

You know, I read this article and was like… This is prime blogging material. It goes along with my Darwinism posts of “If you do X which is really stupid, then you deserve to die” posts. I have a few of those. This story is such a bunch of bullshit I can’t even write much about it. It’s not even worth my effort.

So you know what. You better hope God saved you…. in some other life because your asshole is dead, you ignorant bastard. Don’t you learn from your dad? Idiot. Fuckin guy died the same way. Fucking Pavlov’s dogs learned faster. It’s animal nature. If I eat this poison berry, I die. Welp, if your dad ate the poison berry, stay the fuck away. So if you don’t learn, get the fuck out of here.

Don’t they fucking teach you in the bible that the snake represents the devil? Asshole… So if you’re a dumb motherfucker that takes the Bible literally such as 7 day creation stories, talking asses, 6 million animals fit on a rickety wooden boat because God was so pissed he flooded the earth and that God will save you if a venomous snake bites your dick off and and if you’re a good person, then you won’t die… then so be it. Drop dead and get the fuck off my planet and stopbreathingmy air andpollutingC02because you’re an ignorant fool that clearly doesn’t deserve to live.

PS – that whole Noah’s Ark thing is the biggest bunch of mother fuckin’ bullshit I’ve heard in my life. I’ve always been taught God is forgiving and loving and compassionate. Yet two motherfuckers eat an apple and get their asses kicked and God floods the world because he wasn’t happy with how shitty everyone was behaving… Fuck that noise. Todayeveryone’sfucking eachotherby 8 years old and there’s killing, murdering, rape, poverty, wars and all this bullshit. Guess that’s better than eating a mother fucking apple. Asshole.

CUNCEL DA ELECTION

May 30, 2012

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Welp, it’s pretty much a 99% chance that it’ll be the two morons Romney (who’s trying to run for president of Amercia) and Obama facing off in November… So cuncel da election. It’s HOPELESS.

The upside down flag doesn't mean anti-government, you fuck ups... It means a nation in distress. Which seems about where we're headed

PS – if you have no idea what cuncel means,read on, my friends

PPS – There’s no way Obama can lose this. Guaranteed. I’d bet anything on it.

Protected: Welcome to the United States, Mother Fuckers

May 25, 2012

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Fuck Verizon Wireless For Not Updating My Galaxy Nexus

May 21, 2012

Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

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This is a bunch of bullshit. Verizon has some pair of balls being so slow to update the buggy assed software on their phones. It’s like… They sell you the phone and then they immediately stop giving a fuck. The fucking thing wasn’t updated since December. Sprint launched the phone much later and even they have the 4.0.4 update. Don’t they understand this phone is a glorified buggy piece of shit? Half the fuckin time, I can’t even switch smoothly between 3G and 4G because the radio has a hard time accurately reporting, finding and switching between different signals. The keyboard lags when typing. The volume is low. It’s all fucked up.

Google Maps released version 6.7 which completely fucked up GPS Navigation on Android 4.0.2 only. It used to speak the street name and exit numbers during driving nav. Now it’s just like “In two miles, turn left” “Take exit right” How the hell should I know when two miles is. Motherfucker, I’m driving – I don’t want to look at my GPS screen to see what road I should turn left on. It should just tell me to “turn left on Ballsack road” or some shit. If Verizon would have updated to 4.0.4 (which is out by the way, they just won’t push it), I wouldn’t have this issue.

I should have rooted this motherfucker from day 1. Then I would be able to install my own updates on it and I wouldnt’ have to wait for Verizon to take MONTHS and MONTHS to do this. If I want to root now, I will have to wipe my entire phone, which is a pain in my balls. But I should root so I can install DroidWall and block ads and shit, and be able to tether.

So motherfucking Google: Fix your shit. Motherfucking Verizon: release the update.

Shitheads.

</rant>

More Flawless Logic (Verified by D-Porpz)

May 18, 2012

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See… I have some more flawless logic and a few (full of shit) people disagreed with me. So I checked in with my main man Dan and he agreed. So I’m obviously right. The Porpz is never wrong. Flawless logic to the max. Wooooooo!

 

Little bit unclear above. So you try to hook up with girl 1. Girl 2 pulls us apart. Try to hook up with girl 2. Shes like. Ew go away. This is bullshit. She clearly wants it right?

The answer to this is to bang them both, preferably a threesome. But that may or may not be practical… So… The girl who pulled this stunt on me is clearly delusional. Seriously… Unless you’re trying to get me all for yourself, why would you bother ripping me off someone else. Mind your mother fuckin business, cockblock. She’s clearly delusional and needs a dose of portfolioso D to straighten her out.