Category: Rants

Get a Load of This Goofball Cop Blocking Traffic For Stupid Ass Ducks

December 3, 2012

Rants

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Hey ducks! You don’t belong in the city. Stop crossing roads and blocking traffic. It’s called Darwinism. If you’re too stupid to live in a pond like all the other ducks, maybe you should get run over. You know how pissed off I’d be if a cop stopped my car to let fuckin ducks cross the road? Not only do they shit all over the place, but now they’re wasting my time. And as you all know, my time is most valuable.

PS – Is this cop a dude or a chick (see what I did there – I’m corny)? I thought it was a horsey looking flat chested woman. But it could be a womanly man. I mean shit, if that’s a woman, she’s got some fucking huge man hands

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSL4cmFW_GU

If You Post that Dumb-As-Shit Facebook Legal Disclaimer on Your Wall, You’re a Tool Bag

November 26, 2012

Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

2 Comments

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention).For commercial use of the above, my written consent is needed at all times!(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will placethem under protection of copyright laws.) By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).

Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates.

Oh here we go again with these fucking idiots… Once again, another social virus is spreading on Facebook. A social chain virus, spread by idiotic users that mindlessly copy and paste text. Text that some wannabe toolface law student likeßrad Gorson wrote one day on a power trip. (yes, I used a Germanß as a B even though it’s pronounced like an S. That jackoffprobablyhas some Google Alerts shit set up and I would rather not deal with him). But I digress…

Do you morons actually think that if you post this “disclaimer” on your wall, that Facebook will respect it? Fuck no dumb shit! It’s Facebook. They can do whatever the fuck they want. They own your content. If you read the idiotic terms of service, you already agreed to this shit when you signed up. It’s the fucking internet. Do you think anything on the internet is ever private? You dumb motherfuckers. I don’t care if you’re Christ himself, the TOS still applies.

GET OFF MY NEWS FEED.

It’s a Fucking Insult that Jeter and Cano Won Silver Sluggers

November 9, 2012

Rants, Sports

No Comments

LoHud -Earlier tonight, Louisville Slugger announced that New York Yankees second baseman Robinson Cano and shortstop Derek Jeter were recipients of 2012 American League Silver Slugger Awards, marking the seventh time in the last eight seasons that multiple Yankees have received the honor in the same year. The Yankees were one of three teams to win more than one award this year, along with Detroit and Washington.

You’re shitting me, right? Listen. I don’t care how good your season was. I don’t care if you hit .600 from April-September. The fact that these two jokers hit like .090 combined in the postseason should automatically be grounds for disqualification. Silver slugger your ballsack. When you have such a power hitting team that gets shut down like morons in the playoffs, your year was a joke. So no awards. Kicks in the asses instead.

Pick some other jokeface who can hit a damn ball when it matters.

Something Intelligent People Should Know, Especially People Who Took Bio

September 14, 2012

Rants, Science

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Not to call anyone out by name, but there was a tweet or two I read on Twitter that made me vomit, and this was before I took house shots of whiskey. Yes, I am going call a few people out…

Fucking… How do you not know male cows didn’t produce milk? WHAT? Like youJUST realized they didn’t do this at like 24 years old? Fuckin nursing degrees and shit? Motherless male cows are mother fucking mammals. Fucking male humans are mammals. You don’t see me squirting milk out of my titties. Do you know any guys that fuckin breastfeed babies and shit? Hells NO. Same goes for cows.

Read this mother fuckin book, then take bio 101 or like 3rd grade science. God damn it. I’m a fucking tech guy and even I knew this shit. Jesus fucking Christ.This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve seen since George W. Bush took office.

Yes, I’m mean. Yes I’m a dick. I’m an asshole. Sorry I’m not sorry. I just like science. If you don’t like it, blow me and if you don’t want to do that, someone smarter will.

I’ll Kick the Yankees in the Ass

September 2, 2012

Rants, Sports

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The Yankees are the shittiest-assed first place team I’ve ever seen. How do you collapse a 10 game lead to 2 games? You know what the problem is with this AAA team? You have Joe Girardi out there slapping motherfuckers high fives when they fuck up. Like Derek Lowe. The fuckin shitty Indians traded his ass because he was amediocre, useless shitpile. And he comes over here, walks a fucking guy, gives up a base hit, two runs and then gets pulled without getting one out. And what does Girardi do? Fucking gives him a high five. Don’t slap them a high five. Fucking lose it on him, Wally Backman style. Asshole. Too lax with these shitheads. They need to be made an example out of. Steinbrenner is spinning in his grave right now.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlsVr1ykBqQ