Category: Sports
I’ll Kick the Yankees in the Ass
The Yankees are the shittiest-assed first place team I’ve ever seen. How do you collapse a 10 game lead to 2 games? You know what the problem is with this AAA team? You have Joe Girardi out there slapping motherfuckers high fives when they fuck up. Like Derek Lowe. The fuckin shitty Indians traded his ass because he was amediocre, useless shitpile. And he comes over here, walks a fucking guy, gives up a base hit, two runs and then gets pulled without getting one out. And what does Girardi do? Fucking gives him a high five. Don’t slap them a high five. Fucking lose it on him, Wally Backman style. Asshole. Too lax with these shitheads. They need to be made an example out of. Steinbrenner is spinning in his grave right now.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlsVr1ykBqQ
Announcing Emilio’s Big Guys’ 2012 Roster
Here’s my shitty assed ball club roster for the 2012 season. Let’s see who does worse this year.. Me or the NY Mets:
Jesus Christ, Dave Robertson
APP – The injury occurred on Wednesday night, when Robertson stumbled down a single step while taking a box to the recycling bin at his St. Petersburg home.
It’s embarrassing,” Robertson said. I don’t even want to have to come and talk to you guys about it. I’d rather be like, I tripped over a chair in the clubhouse or something than tell you I fell down the stairs at my house. And not like a full flight of stairs, just one stair.”
You drunken prick. Who the fuck hurts their ankle walking down one stair before the baseball season starts? And don’t look at me. I’m not a baseball player and I’m an alcoholic, so when I bust my ankle, it’s justified.Recycling? Really? The hell were you doing, bringing all the empties outside? I work like 5 feet away from the canyon of heroes now and if the Yankees don’t win 28 this year, then I just don’t even know what I’ll do.
You’re officially off my list of Yankees I’d go Gay for now. Seriously dude. Don’t waste your career like that asshole Joba did.
Three Useless Assholes
When you have the bases loaded twice with 1 out and still lose 3-2, you deserve to lose. Seriously, this was probably the most boring game I’ve ever seen. No sense of urgency + no one giving a shit = no ALCS.
Now… My Most Useless Player awards, all of whom forgot how to hit a ball once the calendar flipped to October. When you bat these guys 3rd 4th and 5th and they’re all hitting under .200, you don’t win playoff games. Simple as that. From best to worst:
Nick Swisher
- Batting: 3-15 (.200)
Mark Texiera
- Batting: 2-15 (.133).
- 0 RBI
- 5 strikeouts
Statistically, Tex was hands down the most useless player this post season.Awesome bro. Awesome…
And the winner of the most useless because I said so…
.
.
.
A-Rod
- Batting: 2-14 (.143)
- HERP DERP
Dude wins hands down for choking every fucking postseason, making the last out and making the most money.
It’s a Fucking Insult that Jeter and Cano Won Silver Sluggers
November 9, 2012
Rants, Sports
No Comments
Portfolioso
You’re shitting me, right? Listen. I don’t care how good your season was. I don’t care if you hit .600 from April-September. The fact that these two jokers hit like .090 combined in the postseason should automatically be grounds for disqualification. Silver slugger your ballsack. When you have such a power hitting team that gets shut down like morons in the playoffs, your year was a joke. So no awards. Kicks in the asses instead.
Pick some other jokeface who can hit a damn ball when it matters.