Who Would I Rather Spend the Day With? Kate Upton or Dave Grohl
The scenario: I get to spend the entire day with either Kate Upton or Dave Grohl
The catch: In order to do this, I have to bang said person for 7 minutes at the end of the day (ONLY).
Should be a no brainer if I’m a straight male, right?
Absolutely not. This is a pretty tough decision. I would probably do anything to hang with Dave. Could you imagine how legitimate that would be? All I want to do would be to bro out, drink some beers and have him teach me drums and guitar and sing me to sleep and all that shit. Have him fuckinshredsome FooFightersin my garage and make all the neighbors jealous. But I have to draw the line somewhere though. As awesome as that sounds, I’m not sticking it in his ass for this opportunity. That’s straight up gross. I was debating this with Mals and she was like… It’s just a hole and this is probably the most awesome person to hang out with – just deal with it. Uhhhhh. I don’t think I can do that. Sorry.
On the other hand, I’d absolutely ruinKate Upton. But the thing about Kate Upton is… What the hell would I do with her all day if I’m not allowed to bang her? I’m pretty sure she has no purpose other than looking hot all day and putting her tits in your face… So if I picked Kate Upton, I pretty much ruin my whole day but at least we could bang.
I think I’m going Kate Upton because I can dress her as a bunny and shit and bring her to work as my personal assistant. It would make everyone jealous and shit. Then I’ll cry myself to sleep that I didn’t get to hang out with Dave Grohl.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCUnWIs88CQ&start=12
Get a Load of This Goofball Cop Blocking Traffic For Stupid Ass Ducks
Hey ducks! You don’t belong in the city. Stop crossing roads and blocking traffic. It’s called Darwinism. If you’re too stupid to live in a pond like all the other ducks, maybe you should get run over. You know how pissed off I’d be if a cop stopped my car to let fuckin ducks cross the road? Not only do they shit all over the place, but now they’re wasting my time. And as you all know, my time is most valuable.
PS – Is this cop a dude or a chick (see what I did there – I’m corny)? I thought it was a horsey looking flat chested woman. But it could be a womanly man. I mean shit, if that’s a woman, she’s got some fucking huge man hands
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSL4cmFW_GU
See, I called It
College Humor is spot on, but this is obviously the best blog ever, so I get all the news and common sense rants first.
I Hope Joseph Lhota and All MTA Board Members Die of Hepatitis
December 19, 2012
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Portfolioso
Fuck the entire MTA and their fare hikes. I hope anyone responsible for this fare hike dies in a bus fire. I’m broke as fuck and I have to pay these fuckers 9% more to ride antique broken down trains that fuck up 10 times out of 12. Crowds jammed ass to dick andpeople yelling at you forsteppingon their shoes. So this jerkoffchairmanwants a fare hike and then resigns to run for mayor? Fuck that noise.
I tell you what. Jump the mother fucking turnstyles. Puke, piss and shit all over the trains drunk. Swipe motherfuckers in for free. Fuck it. This is why we can’t have nice things.
PS- how do you pronounce that pussy assed name? Low-ta? Hoe-ta? La-hota? Fuckin dickbreath.