Year: 2012


Get a Load of This Goofball Cop Blocking Traffic For Stupid Ass Ducks


Hey ducks! You don’t belong in the city. Stop crossing roads and blocking traffic. It’s called Darwinism. If you’re too stupid to live in a pond like all the other ducks, maybe you should get run over. You know how pissed off I’d be if a cop stopped my car to let fuckin ducks cross the road? Not only do they shit all over the place, but now they’re wasting my time. And as you all know, my time is most valuable.

PS – Is this cop a dude or a chick (see what I did there – I’m corny)? I thought it was a horsey looking flat chested woman. But it could be a womanly man. I mean shit, if that’s a woman, she’s got some fucking huge man hands

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSL4cmFW_GU

If You Post that Dumb-As-Shit Facebook Legal Disclaimer on Your Wall, You’re a Tool Bag


In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention).For commercial use of the above, my written consent is needed at all times!(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will placethem under protection of copyright laws.) By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).

Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates.

Oh here we go again with these fucking idiots… Once again, another social virus is spreading on Facebook. A social chain virus, spread by idiotic users that mindlessly copy and paste text. Text that some wannabe toolface law student likeßrad Gorson wrote one day on a power trip. (yes, I used a Germanß as a B even though it’s pronounced like an S. That jackoffprobablyhas some Google Alerts shit set up and I would rather not deal with him). But I digress…

Do you morons actually think that if you post this “disclaimer” on your wall, that Facebook will respect it? Fuck no dumb shit! It’s Facebook. They can do whatever the fuck they want. They own your content. If you read the idiotic terms of service, you already agreed to this shit when you signed up. It’s the fucking internet. Do you think anything on the internet is ever private? You dumb motherfuckers. I don’t care if you’re Christ himself, the TOS still applies.

GET OFF MY NEWS FEED.


The Yearly Black Friday Rant


I had this whole rant planned out in my head and then was like… Oh shit, I blogged this before. So I’m not going to write the whole thing. But here’s the thing: I hate crowds. I have a life. If I have to stand in line freezing my balls off to save $50-$100, fuck that. My time is worth more than what I’ll save. I’ll pay the extra money to not deal with that bullshit.

How Pimp is This Stache Watch?


This is what I call a baller watch. I don’t want it… I need it!

How sick is this? Anytime some chick asks you what time it is and you pull this bad boy out, she’ll be soaked instantly.

Classic.