Month: July 2010

Saturday (2) Song(s) of the Week: Crimes of War and Chip Tunes Suxx

Portfolioso July 31, 2010 No Comments Music

Double feature this week – KEYGEN MUSIC!!! (you know, the sequenced music that plays in those keygens when you pirate shit on the internet). If that doesn’t ring a bell, it’s music created with several small sound sample files and pitch shifted to get a cool electronic sound. Head over to keygenmusic.net for an archive of thousands of chiptunes. Amazing. So – the music:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqRraMWASS8

Download here (extract with WinRAR)

And here’s Chip Tunes Suxx:

Or download the actual file here (extract with WinRAR). It’s only 90KB (as opposed to the 1.3MB mp3 that loaded above). And yes, I do rock out to Keygen music

Why I Love Optimum vs. FiOS Competition (PS – Verizon’s better)

Portfolioso July 30, 2010 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related

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If you don't have FiOS, lets be serious. Your internet just fucking sucks!

That’s what the fuck I’m talking about, bitches. You wish your internet was this fast. I don’t care if Jimmy next door is torrenting his ass off , Jill down the block is downloading gigs of ponies and Marvin is streaming OnDemand all day: my speed stays constant, unlike cable which gets shitty when everyone on the same node is using it.

I just did a speedtest from John’s dedicated server on Optimum Online and it got 5MBPS when they promise you 15. Suckkkkks. 5MBPS was so 2005. Oh and what’s that weak ass upload shit that varies between 1-2MBPS. Awful

I usually say F you to Optimum Online and ramble about how it sucks but actually, I applaud them for their arrogant cutthroat marketing campaign. If they didn’t bash FiOS 24/7, Verizon wouldn’t raise the speed since there would be nothing to compete with. They’re actually bashing something that is technologically superior to their system. So thanks for the competition. Verizon’s like: “Okay, want to compete? We’ll just boost the shit out of everyone’s speed. You can’t do that.

So if you’re in a FiOS area, you’re a dumbass not to get it. You can basically negotiate yourself higher internet speeds, a better TV package and a lower rate.

Is This Not The Stupidest Bitch In the History of the Internet?

Portfolioso July 30, 2010 No Comments Rants

SF Gate – Tara Fitzgerald of Sacramento needed help. The nude photos she had taken for her boyfriend were nowhere to be found on her computer, so she called Dell in December 2008. She was patched through to support tech Riyaz Shaikh, an employee of call service center in India, and gave him permission to search her PC remotely.

“I watched him take the pictures out of my e-mail. I watched him.”

More than a dozen of those pictures ended up on a site called “bitchtara.” Shaikh offered his “help” again, allegedly telling Fitzgerald he could work on taking down the site if she sent him a brand new Dell laptop. Fitzgerald agreed.

Wah wah wahaa! Stop complaining idiot girl. People like this deserve whatever bad happens to them as a result of their blatant stupidity. Let me get this straight… This ignorant bitch can’t find her nude photos, so she calls Dell? Does that make any sense? Let’s have random strangers looking for sensitive files. There’s a file search function in Windows you idiot. Use it.

Then she gets connected to this dude Riyaz who goes through her email and finds the pictures, then downloads them while she’s watching. Is that even allowed? Tech support shouldn’t be in your email, but if you’re too stupid to allow them to, it’s your fault.

If a guy in India can remotely find your files and you can’t, you’re a fucking idiot and should be banned from computers. Of course they’re going to end up on all of these shady websites.

So then you call the dude back and he says he’ll take them down if you send him a brand new laptop? And you actually send it?!?!? Are you serious?!?! You just gave this dude a new laptop and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give two shits about taking down your photos. Do you not know anything about scams?

Step 1: Don’t allow random Indians to access your computer. Step 2: don’t have nude photos of yourself on there in the first place because you’re ugly and old as fuck.

So I have a very simple solution for you, Tara Fitzgerald. You live in San Francisco, right? The Golden Gate Bridge: jump off of it. Social darwinism: ignoramuses like yourself need to be killed off.

The West Coast Doesn’t Give a Shit About Jersey Shore

Portfolioso July 30, 2010 No Comments Movies/Television

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Image Credit: Some website (I don't remember which one and I'm not going around doing research so sue me)

..and neither do I. Look at all these tweets at 10PM EST when the show ran on the east coast. Then look at 1AM (10PM PST), when it ran on the west coast.

See this is the problem. Out in California, you have chill surfer bros who just bro out all day long at the beach and have a good time and don’t bother anyone. Then you get Long Island/Jersey/Westchester with its orange guidos going around fighting people and being like “What’s up brah? GTL.”

If New York wasn’t the best city in this country, I’d be moving to the west coast yesterday*. It just seems to be legit out there.

We’re An Equal Opportunity Employer But…

Portfolioso July 29, 2010 No Comments Rants

Translation: if you’re not a woman or minority, you need not apply. You all know this is a huge line of bullshit and they’re just saying they’re an equal opportunity employer because they have to be by law.

It’s probably a dude like me recruiting for this position. When I was working over at the paper last year, of course I didn’t want to hire a dude to replace me, so I hired the most qualified hot girl. This is probably why I am unemployed. Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?

If you’re really an equal opportunity employer, how about not suggesting who should apply? Precisely.

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